Best Self Hate Poems
Nothing savored Nothing cherished
Chewing wood, spitting silk
Hating every creeping moment
till darkness lowers and laps at my toes
Blessed darkness gives me a cave
where I may retreat from all hateful, glossy life -
oblivion with eyes wide open
Monumental sorrow grinds my guts to dust
Hopelessness, a perversion that licks my ear
and whispers obscene melodies.
An ache to take out the tools
used to mark my hatred on myself
Hope is a lie believed by fools and sinners
That baked desert called my mind spits dust on dreams.
Trapped by iron bars bleeding despair
my face is a pale moon of desolation
peering out on savage scenes of normalcy.
Fingers tremble on the keyboard
longing to smash its plastic against my head.
Some say how sweet and gentle I am
I can’t wait to escape and laugh at their gullibility. . .
had I an ax I would chop off my haunting countenance
and hide the pieces in brown paper bags
flung into back yards around the town
Am I sweet and gentle as they say
but refuse the treacle of the words
Or have I acted upon the stage so well
I have become what I loathe to be
It was black America who told me I wasn't "really black" because my skin wasn't dark enough, and my hair was too good,
because I spoke Spanish, and didn't grow up in the hood.
They told me to fit in, I needed to wear different clothes.
That I didn't understand why they couldn't reach their goals.
Told me to pray to Jesus, the same one the white man made
The one forced upon "our" ancestors way back during slave trade.
It was black America that picked on me as a kid
Because I had 2 parents growing up, when none of them did
It was black America who wanted me to perm my hair
They told me that I needed to start acting like I care
Um excuse me? Have you looked at yourself clearly?
You look like a wanna be Barbie, and I say that dearly.
It was black America who made me feel like an outcast, like I didn't fit in
Guess what, at the end of the day, I'm still one of them.
I walked knowingly into the trap
as a boat sails over Charybdis.
Afraid of showing tell-tale marks
up and down my arms.
I gave in to the lesser evil,
went astray, searching indiscriminately for an escape.
My search lead me to a certain type of website.
Taking refuge in my libido,
I removed my clothes, alone.
My body laid bare, for the asking.
My hands requesting to obediently serve,
on anonymous screens, no compensation required.
A grave and pendulous weight dragging between my legs.
The cucumbersome weight of my cathartic defilement.
A diseased organ between my ears.
Caught in that black hole,
my soul’s spaghettification.
Time wore on, the unseen eyes multiplying.
Demands getting out of hand,
stretching even the limits of my self-destruction.
“It’s 1:30 pm, gimme some lunch.”
“It’s 7:30 pm, I’ve got a sweet tooth.”
“It’s 11:30 pm, show me a story?”
“It’s 3:15 am, help me get some sleep?”
Even my pain drained away from me,
as my insides had, without count.
My soul, also ejecting away from me in fragments.
The catharsis transmuted into self-hate,
and so the coil twisted tighter,
I’d mistaken that numbness for catharsis.
Piece by piece becoming a useful, well used vessel.
A brush with death saved my life.
Seizing my mind and body
in every sense I could illustrate.
A convalescence began, seeding love.
My once desolate heart, fallowed, now fertile.
Love now sustains me. Though I’m a vessel still,
but now for healing, knowing shame intimately, without terror.
I bring it into the light, letting compassion overflow.
Cycling forward to completeness once more, finally whole again.
In depths of solitude, I stand forlorn,
With shadow as my sole and steadfast friend.
By society shunned, from kinship torn,
I ponder on life's edge, its bitter end.
Upon the bridge, where thoughts of ending bloom,
My shadow's form beside me makes its stand.
This grim moment, midst the gathering gloom,
I gasp, “l'm not alone in this bleak land!”
For shadow's silent vigil, ever true,
Has walked with me through life's relentless strain.
In every trial, every triumph too,
He’s been my constant, through both loss and gain.
So, ‘neath moon’s light, and night’s cold embrace,
My shadow stands, my solace and my grace.
-Edward
For within you resides immeasurable worth!
You are not alone in this world.
You are not alone in the struggles of this life.
If you are having a difficult time, feeling overwhelmed and overburdened, there is help out there.
It is OK to share your struggles and talk to someone.
Call 988 for help
Text 988 for support
Visit: 988 Suicide and Crisis Hotline for support
I know why people bleach their skin, acceptance
Can you imagine looking in a mirror and hating your own reflection
All you see is an ugly man
You wake up every day and nothing ever changes, self-hate is a cruel thing.
Society gives you a description of beauty and you don't see that in your mirror...your black skin and the body you're in becomes your silent grave because self-hate destroys the inner man
Bleaching your skin fade away your identity of ugly ...the lighter you are the better you look to humanity. The truth is we all want to be a size 6 and look like Beyoncé...isn't that what civilization say is perfect beauty. We are our own enemies.
We all need to value who we are, don’t change how we look to measure up to anyone...Your skin or body size should never be a definition of self-value, celebrate how you were made.
There is such a thing as self hate
Many Jews accuse each other of self hate
It is true - some Jews are filled with self loathing(including me at times)
But other people, too can hate themselves
Blacks, Latinos, Chinese and Scots
can all hate themselves
It is best NOT to hate your self
Although performers deal in this - and have made
mucho dinero out of it
I still say it is best
NOT TO HATE YOURSELF
Joy will come to you if you follow this advice
i tell myself i love me
and then i break my heart
i ask for forgiveness
and it restarts
i tell myself i love me
and i treat myself well
until i make one mistake
then i treat me like hell
Should I be reminded of being a freak
I shall fall onto my knees
And cry before I break
But try before I wake
From this sleep so blinding black
I will look for what I lack
A sense of beauty on my face
The only sight of a disgrace
They see me as a freak
I must have had a leak
I cry and wail all night
Trying not to fight
The feeling of my face in the mirror above my head
It only reflects my weaknesses and nothing comforting
I wonder to myself,
“What do they think of me?”
Tell me this is going to stop. The voices. The shaking of my body. The tears I can’t seem to fight back anymore. I’m not ashamed. I know what it is. I’m self-destructing. Before everyone’s eyes, I’m falling into my old habits again. Only this time I don’t care who witnesses in my death.
A dark room. A bed that is never made. A decaying body covered by sheets.
Don’t tell me its okay when I can’t sleep or eat and I’m barely managing to breathe. When just waking up is something I struggle to do. Something I wish I didn’t have to do.
“If I let you down, will you self-destruct?”
Could you feel my pain when I speak? What about when I look into your eyes? Do you see the damage that’s been done? The blood I’ve lost. The scars I must carry. Can you see the tears I’ve cried? Can you tell how empty I am? How far I’ve let myself slip. How little I have left?
Maybe love was meant to save us from ourselves.
You sit alone
And always think
How life flew by
In just a wink
Those busy days
What did they mean
You wasted time
That's what they seem
You looked at others every day
Ne'r a nice word did you say
For them life appeared all sunny
Sure you thought
They all had money
But no one one ever stole your wealth
Yet squandered it along with health
So easy now to spew out blame
You take no credit for the shame
Cash rich friends go out to eat
A supermarket's your last treat
Those lucky folks can go to shows
While your few bucks
On bills just flows
You clearly saw your downward trend
You clearly knew how it would end
And now you're old
You've met your fate
Thank God
There's no one left to hate
O look in the mirror
Who stares back is never the same
We should change
Not stagnate
Yet I see different people
Those who I am proud of
Ashamed
Disgusted
Hate
Despise
I never know who will look back
She looks a bit like me
But that's only on the surface
That loathing runs deep
I hate this soul
for assuming rights to my body.
Ungrateful
it does nothing but complain.
And really, what right does it have?
It has it too good that, what?
it just needs something to cry about?
Even if the pain is manifested,
even if the hurt is self-inflicted,
it’s never enough to just be happy.
No
it craves, it aches, it dreams,
only to shatter those dreams on the floor.
into a million pieces,
cutting my beautiful body into bits
Blood on the tips
words so sharp
so loud in my head
It doesn’t want to be sane
it wants a game.
And this body-
I-
am the one it chooses to play.
I hate my soul
Selfish. Needy.
Insatiable. Greedy.
Too lazy to pick up the pieces,
just a consuming mess on the floor
where I once existed before.
Yes, under that rubble,
there was a body so pure.
A virgin of the mind,
with no soul to count the time
But now it whispers:
tick, tick, tick
I’m not pretty enough yet.
I’m not loved, I bet.
tick, tick, tick
It’s not enough—I want more.
I want mirrors to cover the floor."
But to do that,
such a virgin must be shattered.
Once a body, now only battered
and bruised
And it’s all over the news:
The screams, the cries
of the bodies left behind,
outraged at such an ugly fate.
"We deserve better,"
they scream at themselves.
"You don’t deserve my beauty, my pride—
get out! This body is mine!"
Trying, tirelessly, to evict the tenants.
Hope, relentless.
But the home is dented,
battered by the hail of battle cries
singing all through the night.
"We deserve better!
Get out! Get out!
This place is mine!
Nowhere for you to hide.
Nowhere I won’t find you.
And when I do—
I’ll stab you with a sword of might.
Finally—courage, a sight.
A fatal blow.
What hit you?
Guess you’ll never know.
because You always underestimated me.
But I am strong,
something you refused to see.
A sword of steel,
this time my dreams become real.
You’ll be gone—
just voices I’ll no longer hear.
You’ll talk—
a mere whisper in my ear.
But I won’t listen.
Away with such fears.
You’ll be dead,
gone from my head.
Just a body left to reclaim—
and a necessary love
to free it from its rusted chains."
For once we want to feel content
With the story the universe chose for us
And the person we were born and meant to be
We’re tired of longing
To be like that girl
To be like the girls on instagram and pinterest
Who have aesthetic feeds
Always put together and neat
Everything about them screams
Perfect
From the time they wake up
To the food they all eat
Avocado toast and lemon water
Why can’t we be her?
“It’s all social media” you insist
But somewhere along the line
We are unable to place a finger on the exact time
Our minds erased the reality that
All that was no more than fake
So we look at them feeling though
The way we live our lives is a mistake
And now we hurt ourselves trying to be her
Forgetting she is no more
Than a handmade character
More empty patience in retreat
A worthy design for my self-deceit
More lack of care to spin my will
More ways to pretend that I can still….
My reason drifts into this pain
A conflict of spells manifest again
Reflective hatred steals my will
I’m frozen in fear as my mirror kills
I breathe through rusted steel bars
The air is disease and the water scars
My trust becomes what I escape
As I close my eyes, it’s only me I betray
So barely able to remain
The mirror reminds me that there’s only pain
So close to silence and despair
The mirror reminds me that I should never care
More fallen promise in defeat
A worthy design for my self-deceit
More weakness driving what I do
More self-hate within, reflecting on you
There are so many trapped
and tortured souls in this
desolate place.
We are ghosts, screaming for freedom,
darklings, crying for light.
Never sure how to grasp onto
something invisible,
without strangling it.
Even before the cold bars
made of murk and gloom
there was no hope,
only bleakness.
Now "lost'' takes on
a greater, deeper meaning
for us here.
Lost in the abyss of incarceration,
groping for strands of liberty.
Deprived of human spirit,
Forbade femininity, devoided masculinity,
By force at first,
But by choice over time.
Resisting may seem futile
Do rebel my Sisters and Brothers,
Insurgence is necessary
to rise and revolt!
But do not rise against "them",
Rise against your darkness
against your self hate,
your intolerance of others,
against your deep seeded fears.
For hope my Friends, and
the only way to survive this cage
is to Grab tight the Light, all your Strength Hope and Love
For it is the only weapon against
The descending into the the Darkness of the Abyss