I'm sure you've noticed throughout your life
There are definite rights and wrongs
As soon as you determine which is which
You'll be singing a happy song
It won't always hit you like a ton of bricks
When it does you surely will see
The error of your ways pretty damn quick
As you face the third degree
When I was young and learning the ropes
It soon became obvious to me
You can't really take things that aren't yours
It didn't take me long to see
So as of this day, my conscience is clear
Must say I've led a very clean life
Always travelled the straight and narrow
Listen up, it's very sound advice
Today's not one of my better days
Even I have 'em every so often
Believe me mine are rarer than most
Will be chuckling even in my coffin
Sure hope it doesn't freak someone out
And another kicks the bucket as well
A single coffin for the price of two
It sure would be cramped as hell
Don't mind sharing but just imagine
If this sweetie was from the opposite sex
Some hanky panky would likely ensue
Some real rockin' 'n rollin' by heck
Mourners would scatter pretty damn quick
As we try our damnedest to get out
Nobody's staying for the final word
Lowering us they'd play “Twist And Shout!”
What silly nonsense can you imagine
That this could actually take place
Certainly they'd give us a box of our own
Or at least place us face to face!
Pursued by a kangaroo click
The girl jumped on her pogo stick
Flashing her tush
Out in the bush
It was over pretty damn quick!
At Seventy-eight it will click
You're got the short end of the stick
If you want some fun
Better get it done
"The End" appears pretty damn quick!
Today's not one of my better days
Even I have 'em every so often
Believe me mine are rarer than most
Will be chuckling even in my coffin
Sure hope it doesn't freak someone out
And another kicks the bucket as well
A couple of funerals for the price of one
Coffin would be cramped as hell
Don't mind sharing but just imagine
If this dude was from the opposite sex
Some hanky panky would likely ensue
Some real rockin' 'n rollin' by heck
Mourners would scatter pretty damn quick
As they try their damnedest to get out
Nobody's staying for the final word
Lowering us, they'd play “Twist And Shout!”
What silly nonsense, can you imagine
That this could actually take place
Certainly they'd give us a box of our own
Or at least not put us face to face!
© Jack Ellison 2013
(This is a fictional poem)
A couple of my wives left because of the way they were treated.
But most of them left because I cheated.
My last wife left because I have the mouth of a sailor.
I've been married more times than Elizabeth Taylor.
Is adultery really grounds for a divorce?
When I ask my therapist, he says of course.
I've been married eighteen times and I'm only thirty-six.
When I get married, my wives usually leave pretty damn quick.
When it comes to a certain part of my anatomy, I'm not well-endowed.
That doesn't help and neither does having the face of a sow.
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