Funny Personification Poems

My mouth went running off today, I watched her sprint through the
Yard, scaring a butterfly.
There was a bunny, who did not notice.
She summersalted six or...

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Dear Santa Claws, for Christmas I’d like a new chew bone; I’ve been a real good dog this year; I don’t even bite the cat,...

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Dear Santa Claws, please bring me a new catnip mousey; my old one has so many holes that the nip won’t stay in and I...

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I type hard, I type fast, I type dirty, because my owner does not care.
There are papers over and under my keyboard. 
We are a...

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I was dancing and prancing 
And singing whooped Dee Dee
Not realizing I was not alone
Until he opened his shirt to me

He threw out the mayo,...

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Me and my mate we talk all the time, 
We talk when I get out of bed,
He’s the one that I see first thing in...

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I had never been in a house before but about a week ago I fell onto a straw hat, and rode her into the house....

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I am raging mad. Wishing I had hot molting killing lava to pour on that ugly human in the funny clothes who violated me yesterday....

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It caught her when she didn’t expect, 
Attacking her in a tight whirl,
It came at her from out of the blue, 
To put her into...

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They’d never been tied, forever were loose, 
Whenever she walked around,
Always flapping all over the place, 
Flip flopping all over the ground,

Without a care for...

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I sit here, used, and caked in grime,
And watch, as all the forks and knives
Dive in the sink for wash-up time -
How pampered are their...

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Carrots talk
Peas sing
A poet is the tangerine

"Celery," said Lettuce.
"What?" Celery said.
"What do you dream of when you go to bed?"

"I dream of people's faces
Coming so...

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You want me to push, you want me to strain, 
You want me to give you my all,
You want me to focus all my attention,...

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I was given to the D’Mangos as a wedding present; I was silver, sparkly, and pretty full of myself. I have survived two children, a...

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I quiver with excitement.
Here comes Big Hand.
Will she pick me up?
Big Hand picks up a pink paper clip.
Pink paper clip sticks her tongue out at...

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I fell in love with the first word you spoke
You grabbed my heart and refused to let it go
You’re funny, happy, silly, everything I need
Your...

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I love you, you’re hot, you do it for me, 
You’re perfect on the inside,
All warm and soft and deliciously round, 
Your belt has sort...

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(alternately titled one me silly more till manufactured 
from go win addle American 
non refundable private parts) 

each set of twenty three chromosomes 
the basic...

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There comes Mr. Ugly again,
With his long tongue sticking out,
He walks with a sway of his hind,
‘though his hind is quite stout!

He makes a very...

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Oh my god, you’re about to arrive, 
You’re my sexy and hot and unique,
You’re every small reason that I get up each day, 
You’re the...

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