Before I down my cuppa, before I brush me teeth
let me go down on one knee and pray to thee
Before the sun arises and before the world rises
let me close my eyes so you can hear my cries
Lord, may you always be my guiding light and friend
so I can live beside you until the very end
Lord, teach me how to be brave in a world full of fear
so I can be truthful to myself no matter whom I draw near
Before I put on my makeup on and leave the house
let me walk towards your oceanic penthouse
Before I dip into the sea or walk onto encrusted earth
let me slip into my minion wings, the ones you gifted me at birth.
Oh, from what demented mind was born
A thing so pointless as a lawn?
Surely some old eccentric lord
In a mansion, born both rich and barmy,
Who could so lavishly afford
A mighty artful minion army
Of sowers of seed and pullers of weed
Of mowers of grass and spreaders of feed
That could do for him each filthy deed
And meet the lawns fortnightly need.
But we, suburban lowly born,
Must perforce do all this on our own
Lest our green and lifeless lawn
Become like a meadow, overgrown.
Oh, from what demented mind was born
A thing so pointless as a lawn?
© Barry Freeman – May 4th 2020
when a minion gives political opinion-snowflake in a blizzard
If I were a minion I would wait for my orders.
At home and at work.
I would ask for a list.
I would follow it to the letter.
I would not be creative.
I would not be innovative.
I would never take any initiative.
I would follow the crowd.
If they threw rocks I would throw rocks.
If they made fun of babies, I would make fun of babies.
If they stuck out their tongue, I would stick out both of mine.
I would do whatever the masses do.
With my family’s permission I would go to minion church.
With my husband’s blessing I would read a minion newspaper.
If my boss told me to jump out the window from the sixth floor
I would do that too
If I were a minion
She had no one but Poindexter but he was more than enough
As a cat he was a force to contend with and rather wily and tough
It is Valentine’s Day and it is only these two supportive friends.
He is waiting patiently as she pours the milk and makes amends.
Poindexter has been a bit peeved since she was gone a week.
He has missed the cat litter box twice, to give her a healthy peek
At what happens if she starts staying out late, not doing his bidding
He will do the deed on her favorite couch, and he is truly not kidding.
His minion has her hand on his back, in an endearing kind of way.
He watches her closely as she pours white milk into his bowl today.
He had a bad mistress before, so he knows this one is wonderful.
He settles down under her familiar hand, unity his major goal.
Where did those wayward thoughts come from? He asked himself.
She reaches high for the cat treats that are on the second shelf.
She’s a wonderful minion, he tells his conscience now.
Let’s go along with whatever she needs, for she is kind of a wow.
Want to talk?
Silence.
Want to play a game?
Head shake.
Want to put a puzzle together?
Silence.
What can I do to help?
Head shake.
Has someone hurt your feelings?
Silence.
Can you tell me how you are feeling?
Head shake.
You are great at not talking.
I see a glimpse of a glimmer of a smile.
Breakthrough.
Thirty minutes after playing
With legos and animals this five-year-old laughs loudly
I had said, “You are the boss.
I am your minion.”
His joyous laughter was unexpected, and loud,
And it seemed to go on forever.
My bestie the nurse asks me later who was laughing so hard in my office.
I tell her and her eyes bug out.
You are kidding! She says.
I smile.
If I had a minion he would be gloriously deferent to me.
He would wash my dishes, he would pay my bills.
He would do my dusting, and he would vacuum.
Uh-oh.
This is sounding suspiciously familiar.
This minion would cook my food, he would buy the groceries.
He would bring me sweet tea,
He would bring home pie.
I am so hoping my husband is not reading this one.
If I had a minion, I would love him forever, and call him Joe, right honey?
He was my henchman, my minion, my stooge, and we both liked it that way.
But then he moved away with a new girlfriend, and became her henchman,
Leaving me to fend for myself.
And after all I had taught him.
He was perfect, just the way he was.
Getting my coffee exactly right,
Five creams, two sweeteners and
A dollop of cocoa
Yes, he was perfect just the way he was
How could I get him back?
What could I do?
How could I trick him back?
What could I say?
“You are perfect just the way you are,” I told him on the phone. “And I miss you so much.”
My coffee has never tasted better.
My rugs have never been vacuumed so well.
My meat and potatoes are cooked to perfection.
My henchman, my minion, my stooge, is back.
Life is grand!
Tears streamed down her face,
Her thoughts raced,
Her heart ached,
They made her feel like the only way to prepare
Was to hid her emotions from everyone who truly cared
And that is why she's scared
Of everyone's opinion
Congratulations society you made her a minion
Our new master is the silent one as evil as can be
His plan was to stock pile all the banana's in the world
and It must be said we whole heartedly agreed ,
Now banana's are spread around the world so we need minions by the score
There's Carl and Tim and bob and Kevin I just can't name them all
The ones we don't collect we will eat as that's how we roll , Me want Banana ! (I'm hungry in minion)
nothings ever easy as the warehouse it caught fire, Bee Do Bee Do Bee Do! (fire in minion)
What a shame fried bananas and gelato (ice cream in minion) for our tea
Now if you want more updates you'll have to buy a tickets to minions two or three
Tulaliloo ti amo! (we love you in minion )
Banana is my favorite fruit
It looks like my aunt when she was in bloom
Yellow is the color I dearly love
It matches my skin tone even my little pinky toe
I have numerous cousins; hundreds of uncles and aunts
I have stopped memorizing their names
My brain couldn’t retain after my last snooze
I am a minion, you may think I’m cute
Well don’t hold your breath, I could be very cruel
I find it funny to burn your hair on a flaming stove
Or tickle your toes till you pass out of joy
I can take down your house brick by brick
Giving you puppy eyes when cops showed up at gate
I can be your best friend and follow you around
Just be careful! You’d do it at your own count
Feb 17-2016
manger baby--my one-in-a-trillion-gift
I the master; sin my minion
perpetual dominion