Ink Drops Like Rain
The Devil tried to take a bite of me.
I watched his ringlets twirl.
I've finally reached the spot
where I knew I was going to be.
It's a lose lose, to hell
and back to tell all that I see.
I asked for pens from the devil's guard.
He thinks he knows my name.
For months now I roam these empty halls,
and now the song is gone.
My name is hidden beyond the star's pain-
it hides within a song.
My pen is like my weapon, far mightier than the sword-
it splashes ink drops like the rain.
'Till it too catches old.
I wish I were put in a mental hospital.
I wish the doctor would say I need help.
I wish my teacher would tell others I won't be around.
I wish my clothes turned into a hospital gown.
Because, maybe then, people would know the truth.
They would know I wasn't joking.
They would know how hard my life is.
And mainly, because I could finally have a place to feel alive.
I wish I successfully committed suicide.
I wish my parents would realize how many signs they had ignored.
I wish my friends would start to actually worry.
I wish my mind would disappear forever.
Because, maybe then, people would know it wasn't a joke.
They would tear themselves apart for not seeing it before.
They would say nice things at my funeral.
But mainly, Because I finally wouldn't be alive.
Take me to the place where my mind can embrace healing grace,
Give me your ear and let me spill out my pain to your face.
Give me your arms stretched out to a a hug oh so tight.
Dazzle my mind while making my fears run with freight.
It is a strange inner world, if you live there alone. In me eight boys hide, a couple of villains, some discarded toys, screeching birds, and overall a host of an undefined kind.
This is an astonishing accomplishment, largely because I live in a small frame, all the same they fit in there, a strange affair, I admit.
The men in white, with their syringes an multi-coloured pills don't like this. Despite the fact that they are very rambunctious themselves - while doing their chores they slam doors, yell at people, laugh proud at their own jokes - they hate the silent noise of my inside crowd, while no one's loud!
The boring lives they live, they think it can give them the right to interfere, they're only satisied if no one's here but single me...
And so I swallow pills, yellow, white or even green, and in a wink of an eye they're gone, I blink.... poooooof.
If only they would have a pill that will erase annoying people that rule my life, Wouldn't that be great? No reason anymore to debate or argue, such peace... Can I have that today?
Please?
***
May 8, 2017
Copyright © Darren White
HAH!
This place
Allows me to mail
No social media
I negotiated this morning
Told them how unhappy I am
if I can't write
That I need to be able
to reach my blog for it
and PoetrySoup
HAH!
So they negotiated with me:
1) I speak in group sessions (oh yuck, I stutter)
2) They can see what poems I write (oh, yeah, why not!)
3) I do not sneakily start Facebook or Messenger (I won't, I promise)
4) I'll not leave my wheelchair unguarded, so the kiddies downstairs race with it (I promise I chain it)
HAH!
Psych time was fun time
And it was too cold for the beach this morning
Instead my psychiatrist wheeled me to a cafeteria and we did our negotiations on paper there today, with Espresso and apple pie to seal the deal.
DONE
Meaning, I will be here for a while longer, but I can write poetry again and hang around here on Soup. Ain't that just wonderful?
dadgum doctors, heads up their butts
poking, prodding, pricking skin
neurologist a psychopath
gets pleasure as electric volts pass through my body
family doctor showed little concern
made me paranoid about irregular heartbeat
EKG failed to determine cause
left me more in doubt than at ease
dentist like a character from Dustin Hoffman’s “Marathon Man”
the more pain inflicted
the more he rejoiced
deep root cleaning caused severe infection
bloodwork done by Vampira clones
labs filled with tubes and needles
results not shared with me
yet I footed the bill
optometrist an Oriental who moved so fast
didn’t care if the prescribed glasses worked
boo on you, dang aristocrats
waving your credentials
nurses so slow to respond
MRI promised on CD, but couldn’t be obtained
just like the blood tests, needed a “report”
doctors driving me insane
each should share my mental hospital bills
*Based on ongoing health tests and written for PD’s contest. Assignment Free Verse, 25 lines, category slam, sad and educational, title: Mental Hospital Bills
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