Long Whacker Poems

At the footbridge Sue was meeting her beau
(He was married to a woman called Flo)
Sue soon found out his deception
She dismembered his erection
For his love life it was a massive blow

To the hospital fled poor...

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Did Jesus Exist?

Some say 2000 years ago,
A man called Jesus walked about;
But I say, not as god or indigo, 
But as a medical doctor stout. 

Jesus was an Israeli name then, 
And there maybe was...

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Don't sit there and grin at me
when I sat there and cried for you.
Why do me like that?
Feel the pain deep in my soul,
don't look past those dull eyes.
Why do me like that?
Taste the tears...

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when just a lad, in skinny pad
   the kids all picked on me
so hatched, I did, a brilliant plan
   to make those meanies flee;

at home, you’ll know, were two young gals
...

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Before you start your meal today I can see that you’re confused
Please let me explain to you now how the utensils are to be used.

Start from the left and work your way in
There’s a fork...

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For one hundred and twenty-nine years McVities’ digestives have been eaten.
They are touted as good for digestion, and their chocolate version cannot be beaten.
Tesco, Doves Farm and Mark and Spencer have all jumped into the...

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I’ll never forget What’s Her Name
The one with the long black hair that was always dying the tips?
No.
The one with the curly red hair who came on to me at the Christmas party?
WHAT Christmas party?
Never...

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Somewhere in an overgrown yard
You'll find a lonely toe
Flesh and bone now all alone
Where the weeds will always grow

An accident destined to happen
While barefoot on the lawn
An evil tale with a gasoline smell
And the horror...

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What do you do 
When your spirit is pacing inside 
Your body like a caged animal?

You are uncertain what is preventing you
From making a choice
Any choice

Maybe fear of falling?
Leaving behind the cocoon of friends and...

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Me with a dog,owl,and parrot 
Met a girl with a llama and horse
Out in the country beside a tree
What to do? Well, we stopped of course

Talking to my small gang of friends
I asked,"What's that look...

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I’m dumbstruck by the good luck
Of a woodchuck on a spree
The harmony of living well
And laughing heartily 

But still, I often wonder
In a jungle canopy
If nature is the nurture
Of the forest or a tree

When lightning...

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What kind of faerie has her very own kookaburra?
I do not own him, he is my best friend, the tree faerie said.
But he is always with you, helping you dust the willy whacker leaves.
He does...

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(to be read out loud)


I'll eat the nibble naggle nooky nickel
	nipple nappy mum mum mum
I'll chew your gooble gobble giggle gaggle
	gimpy grampa's gum gum gum.

I'll call the wimpy wappy wiggle waggle
	wacky wobble wum wum wum
I'll...

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