The Doctors Waiting Room

I am in the Doctors Waiting Room Waiting for my name to appear on the screen I’ve been here for twenty minutes Oh how much longer before I am seen It’s embarrassing enough for me Without the whole waiting room learning That every time I use the loo My pee has started burning I sense the receptionist is highly amused Though she tries to hide the fact Then proclaims at the top of her voice “Sounds like an infection in your urinary tract” I can see all eyes upon me As I go to take a seat So I make my way towards it While looking down at my feet The TV on the wall blares out An advert about a man called Giles Informing you what measures to take If you’re diagnosed with piles There is an air of misery And impending doom Everyone thinking of all the flu viruses Floating around the room The lady sitting next to me Stands up and shouts “outrageous! If I have to wait much longer I’ll catch something contagious” A small boy is building with plastic bricks Sat cross-legged on his own While mum totally ignores him Too busy on her mobile phone I point out to her A large poster on the wall ‘No mobile phones ever'! She says “I’m talking to my boyfriend Paul” There’s a sudden buzz of excitement As a name appears on the screen It’s of someone who'd got tired of waiting They went home at two fifteen There is the distinct harmonic sound Of sniffing, coughing and wheezing With an equal measure Of moaning, groaning and sneezing A sudden smell of disinfectant Makes me catch my breath My mother always said the waiting room Had a distinct smell of death My nose begins to run And I really must take issue With the man who stole my seat When I got up to grab a tissue My bladder's feeling full I should have gone before i came I daren't go to the loo Because knowing my luck, they'll call my name I really need to go And decide to take the plunge So I start upon my trip Towards the toilet door I lunge Safe inside the toilet I am suddenly appalled When I hear the tannoy whistle And my name is being called I pull myself together And venture from the loo It appears I’ve missed my turn Someone took my place, I don’t know who I approach the receptionist And say “I really had to pee” She says “Come back tomorrow, Your appointment is ten past three”.