Long Slammer Poems
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It's the unfair society:
from lenient judges
to corrupt attorneys
and with some bad cops
who claim that their motto is:
" To serve and protect "
Oh, no don't tell me that I am crazy: I don't trust the Law!
It's an insult to society or to the ones who wrote it!
Oh, don't tell me that murderous thoughts
don't double-cross me to want to toss those offenders
into the slammer where they really belong!
I should be on that bench and give sentences
without showing sympathy or forgiveness!
One guy who had a bag of weed
was released the next day...
because it was his first offense!
It's foolishness...there were
two minors in that car:
wasn't it the fault of a lenient judge?
Hookers, so-called Ladies of the Night
are more protected than the ordinary citizens,
some wacko sees them as worthless beings
and kills them dumping them in marshes...
I am saddened by such murders,
but they don't lead a clean life!
Oh, don't tell that God doesn't have murderous thoughts like me!
But when some of one of them tap on your window, as you wait
for the red light to turn green, solicits sex for money...wouldn't
anybody have a murderous thought and give them a nasty look?
Oh, don't tell me that sex doesn't sell everywhere!
It's so disgusting to see ads with semi-nude models
advertizing for the big companies: it's the buck, not the morality!
And worse than that some guys watch **** as they drive!
O society so filthy and shameless, you have become so immoral,
putting away the Commandments that Moses God carved with fire!
It's wrong to hate a brother or sister,
and seek revenge with either curses or bad deeds...
slandering is not humane and compassionate;
if he or she did something wrong...show love,
don't have murderous thoughts! The hatred
makes the gun go off quickly and the knife cut very deep!
So goes for your neighbors, love them
as you would love your own and by spreading kindness:
darkness will be replaced by light,
and hate, ignorance and avarice by love!
Written by Andrew Crisci
for Susan Burch's contest,
" Getting Away With Murder/Murderous Thoughts "
Sunday Morning blues
RIO DE JANEIRO all nights or LAS VEGAS nightlife
After two-three glasses of Twisted Ice Lemon
Or was it an Alabama Slammer? You mustn’t trust!
My days and nights felt like a Freight train ride
And that no lie!
Then I remember the Cuban Bulldog who bite me
Three years ago, in Kissimmee; I think
which left me more than a little weak
in the knees those feisty drinks
Or was it that wicked, wacky Long Island Ice coffee
Which almost has done me in?
after watching a news clips of Momar Kadafi
or was it an episode of Friends
Luckily, for me I met my sweet Marlin Brando
And it was hallelujah and Amen in Key Largo
So many bartenders, so many smokes filled rooms
So, once again here I am nursing
Another Sunday mornings blues.
Danny pleaded with his daddy for a German shepherd puppy,
But papa instead, suggested a cuddly kitten or a harmless guppy.
Danny won the battle and they visited the local city pound,
And the lad selected a pup named Duke to be his faithful hound!
Duke was just a little feller when they rescued him from the shelter,
But as time moved on he grew, creating all kinds of helter-skelter!
They became the greatest of pals as they roamed about the town,
And if anyone messed with Danny, Duke was quick to take 'em down!
Duke was a rowdy creature and liked to chase the neighbor's cats,
And dig in the neighbor's flower gardens, driving people bats!
He made 'deposits' that were not appreciated on many a pristine lawn,
And disturbed neighbors by barking all night long until the early dawn!
Duke fought all other dogs and was renowned as the city's canine bully.
A judge gave Danny an option, before the town, Duke could further sully.
Duke could serve time in the slammer or join the army canine corps.
He chose to enlist in the canine corps and was disciplined in the art of war!
He served with honor and distinction but alas was killed in action,
And was later honored as a hero in his hometown with this transaction:
Though once considered a downright nuisance and the village kook,
A monument was erected in Memorial Park to honor dear old Duke!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2015 All Rights Reserved
I
When a spat leaves you blue-faced and chokin'
This advice may keep love's bond unbroken:
Don't go angry to bed,
Listen to what's being said
And not merely to what's being spoken.
II
A man marries then struggles the rest of his life
Trying to keep his home free from all worry and strife.
It won't enter his head
'til long after he's dead,
That he might should have wed a less extravagant wife.
III
A new wife was installed as the queen of her house,
And for a while quite content with no reason to grouse.
T'was a cruel trick of fate
When she found out, too late,
That her mate was a souse and a louse of a spouse.
IV
A husband, fed up with his wife's constant yammer,
Went ballistic and bashed out her brains with a hammer.
At his trial her removal
Won the jury's approval,
And his (suspended) sentence, six months in the slammer.
Mother asked her big brother to pass the sugar;
big brother ruined it by splashing on liquor;
father rued spilt liquor by throwing his jigger
that hit sister who lit an elbow hard slammer
straight into the hand of their rare guest and butcher;
butcher stood to secure a full-face slap on her;
slap missed, striking their napping, fat cat to a blurred
flying fur on shriek tour that dog crashed with claws bore;
clawed dog wailed and bailed, dragging tail out wee dog
door where he ran to distance pain until a looper
stopped his scooter – close by was one giant cougar;
too pooped to care, tired dog flopped right then and
right there; dog closed eyes, cougar cleared throat, then
croaked, ‘Hey, Lassie, are you insanely blind to cougar
claw lugers?’; dog moaned, ‘A quick cougar corker beats
home murder.’
For every lowlife scammer,
Preying on those unaware,
There should be a waiting slammer
With just other lowlifes there.
Stealing savings from the lonely
Or the elderly or sick
Is a crime that can be only
Done by those so cruel and slick
That they don’t deserve a pardon
From a life within a cell,
Since all sympathy will harden
When their victims start to tell.
In this techno world we live in,
Scams are easy to perform,
Yet no scammer gets forgiven,
Or at least that is the norm.
When I read or hear a story
Of a person who’s been scammed,
Well, to me, it’s mandatory
That their slammer door be slammed.
I was browsing through the menu and laid my eyes upon interesting cocktails and mock tails.
I snapped up the names with the blackberry camera and wove them together to couplets.
Dedicate this one to my friends who love and cherish the cocktails and mock tails.
Cheers……………………………
With love from zeauoxian, black lady, Tom Collins,
Three peaks merlot, white lady, John Collins.
Between the sheets, pink pusy, screaming ******,
Pink lady, lost bikini, ******.
Misty nite, hairy navel, ding a ling,
Sunset, buttock clencher, Singapore sling.
Lady killer, fuzzy navel, coconut diaquiry,
Bloody Mary, fenny wenny woo woo, orange diaquiry.
Pure calypso, climax, kick in the balls,
Caribbean fever, planter’s punch, rocks for the dolls.
Peach pleasure, tequila sunrise, margarita,
Pina coloda, sunset, caipirnha.
Coco colada, slippery dick, the hammer,
Gimlet, sweet nips, tequila slammer.
Passona orange, passona lime, sex on the beach,
Orange blossom, lime blossom. Passionate peach.
Gin fiz, Cuba libre, Roby Roy,
Black lagoon, black Russian, beach buoy.
Fight fiesta, stinger rum cocktail, side car,
Negroni, pink elephant, brandy lime shot from the bar.
Mohjito, long island iced tea, whiskey sour,
Renaissance merlot, vina tarapoca chardonnay.
All these heady concoction,
Many of them and lots of action.
The science of achohol blending, of the art of mixology,
All these to the tipper is fun and to do with a smooth tripology!!!!!!!!
I was there when old Troy burned,
all the babies I dashed and hurled,
slayed Hector and Achilles,
made Priam scream in agony.
I was there at the Fall of Rome,
snuffed a light half the world had known,
slammer the door on the Classic Age,
with angry Goths storming in a rage.
Next I came for the Byzantines,
to put down that stubborn Roman dream,
emperor fell in the battle rough,
let loose the Ottomans on Europe.
You can’t get rid of me,
I‘m what you don’t want
but you know that you need.
Some things will always be,
but you hate, you hate, you hate
to be a part of me.
I strode tall at Yorktown’s field,
helped George Washington seal the deal,
Cornwallis for surrender begged,
clearing the road for freedom ahead.
I struck hard at Richmond’s line,
in the trenches, in the muck and grime,
until Lee fled from Petersburg’s route,
I hounded him and brought down the south.
I took the sword to the Nazis,
slaughtered Krauts there at Normandy,
took France with Patton’s tanks,
saved some Jews from monsters rank.
You can’t get rid of me,
I’m what you don’t want
but you sometimes need.
Some things will always be,
and you hate, you hate, you hate
To be a part of me.
But it’s your fate, your fate, your fate
To be the heart of me.
Straight out of prison
Wondering what I've been missing
Right out of the gates I stuck out my thumb
A van load of hippies
All from Mississippi
Stoped and asked, hey dude...what's going on
I'm here for adventure
Well hop in then Mister
Adventure is what we're all about
Now where we're all going
There's no way of knowing
A van of hippies and parolee freshly let out
We ended up in Disney
Me and all of the hippies
Where we had caboodles of fun
We met Mickey and he saw it
When I lifted his wallet
Now we're in the Magic Kingdom all on the run
We split in different directions
To throw off detection
It's A Small World is where I made my mistake
With that song stuck in my head
It's a fate worse than death
Prison now sounds like a wonderful place
We rendezvoused in
The Pirate's Of The Caribbean
Where soon after, in came the law
We all jumped from our boats
Splashing around in the moat
And had ourselves a good old fashioned pirate brawl
We soon made our escape
Out of exit door 88
Finding ourselves in Frontier Land at night
Where in the middle of the street
Were Mickey, Donald, and Goofy
All with guns strapped to their sides
We ran into a shop
And bought guns on the spot
All with Mickey's money...he's a mouse of a man
Mickey squeeks we're going to ruff you up
As Goofy holds up the cuffs
And Donald says something we can't understand
We had a shoot out
With cap guns no doubt
After all Disney runs a safe place
Ran out of caps in our guns
Which stopped our lives on the run
The wrath of Mickey we all now would face
After justice's hammer
I'm now back in the slammer
This time I made my own prison bed
Now I cry every day
What more can I say
With It's A Small World still stuck in my head
To my right is Tommy Two-Face
He murdered his wife
He is pleading insanity
I bet he gets life
To my left is Little Lenny
He weighs three hundred and four
They found him with lots of cocaine
I think that he had more
Over there is Billy Kid The
Dyslexic, I think
Robbing people at an ATM
Landed him in the clink
And there sits Mumbling Mo
Disorderly and drunk
Making snow angels in the highway
Wearing only his swim trunks
With these criminals I sit
For my dastardly deed
I was walking my dog
Without a dog lead
I know there’s an ordinance
Saying you must have a leash
But my dog is well trained
And by my side won’t release
The officer was a rookie
Making his first arrest
And slapped on the handcuffs
When his manner I did protest
As he tried to take my dog
I pushed him aside
Saying, “Just write me a ticket”
“Officer down!!!”, he started to cry
And now I’m in the slammer
With this violent crew
For not having my dog tethered
Singing the behind the bars blues
Based on a true story that happened to me many years ago. I felt like Arlo Guthrie in “Alice’s Restaurant.”