Long Shoot from the hip Poems
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[For the uninitiated or for the inebriated
Or because I fear my story might be underrated
I feel I should advise you using any fact that fits
That Sixgun Sid has wooden legs and other wooden bits.]
****
Sixgun Sid stood in the dock and swore he didn't know
Why ladies didn’t like his wooden member down below
He said, “Some things go hand in hand with rocking to and fro
That’s how I left a splinter where a splinter shouldn't go
“She dragged me in the shrubbery and took me there and then
I thought she was euphoric when she squealed out loud but then…
I had a smoothness problem as your witness has attested
And so I grabbed some sandpaper… and got myself arrested
“I’ll swear before this court she was all over me that day
But then my wooden legs etcetera made her stop and say,
‘Why can’t you, like other cowboys, just shoot from the hip?’
But then she spent ten minutes pulling splinters from her lip.”
The judge said, “I have heard enough, my judgement will be sound
You shared your love, but also, she was putting it around
I think that I should send you to the gallows with your lover
But I’m concerned those gallows might turn out to be your brother.”
Purgative debacle debilitated me December 18th, 2020
Hoop fully adequately explains
source of odoriferous dry rot,
ye possibly smell, I jot
within this reasonable rhyme
without putting Johnny on the spot
my absence NOT attending fellowship,
today December 20th, 2020
albeit remotely, cuz off to bathroom
I frequently needed to trot.
Athwart porcelain goddess
at aforementioned date
bare with me rear potty talk,
I profusely apologize
concerning offal topic
wasting proctology boilerplate
nevertheless, quite a disaster
concerning mine excretory freight
said irritable bowel syndrome
necessitated I hydrate
and fast, thus yours truly
spent no time to judicate
nor analyze why rectum
severely overactive of late,
but aside from
lower gastrointestinal discomfort,
I also experienced linkedin symptom
namely upset stomach felt nauseate.
The power of mind over matter
slowly emerged inside anguished pate
physical unwellness across entire body electric
essentially, laterally, and unstintingly did radiate
and sucker punch ground zero i.e. solar plexus
fall out on par with mushroom cloud trait
unleashed courtesy nuclear warhead
without a shadow of doubt ability to function
even on primal level unwellness did vitiate.
Impossible mission to implicate
predilection to experience panic attack
whereby mine entire psyche did crack
blowing major fuses analogous to ENIAC.
In 1942, physicist John Mauchly proposed
an all-electronic calculating machine.
The result was ENIAC
(Electronic Numerical Integrator And Computer),
built between 1943 and 1945—the
first large-scale computer to run
at electronic speed without being slowed
by any mechanical parts.
Yours truly entertained no mood
to jump figurative gun
taking no time to think and brood
and shoot from the hip
(perhaps while partially nude)
(regarding sharing his antithetical thoughts
within break out groups)
virtual bodyguards escorting out this dude
possibly unintentionally antagonizing
listeners buzzfeeding misinterpreting
weaponizing commentaries assembled crude
easily mistaken for flak, I sincerely eschewed.
A garden sun chases our ginger cat.
Dad watches World War Two
up close on the TV
he grinds his teeth,
a general forced to take a back seat.
Mother in the kitchen,
not her natural territory.
She opens cupboards exploring contents.
It is a blue and white kitchen
made of trees that died in 1964.
She shakes a martini like a
blind cardsharp. Her wrists
heron bones
that click a gold-toothed chain.
Flashes of recollection
follow me up beige carpeted stairs.
Small bathroom-toilet to the right,
where once I saw mum naked.
Oedipus lives down the hall
as a young teenager.
From my window
I see the long narrow garden
with its back gate.
Passion-flower crosses
entwining pine boards.
When the Nazi Storm Troopers come
I will fire down at them
lobbing hissing grenades
that land like angry cats
onto their fleeing backs.
Charley company lives in Vietnam
they shoot from the hip.
I am not sure which side
of this on-going war they are on.
In my British school atlas
America is colored, blue or yellow,
not Empire red like us.
A patriotic gas stirs vague imaginings.
A knock on my bedroom door.
I can hear myself breathing heavily,
as I jerk off. Keep out!
Mum pauses to catch her breath.
She is out of uniform,
and speaking in Slo Mo
to a camera in my head.
Don't Get Caught in the Looking Glass
I want to understand what it is that I see,
My goal is for truth and not what I want it to be.
What each of us perceive to be true,
Could be only our minds like so many do.
Hold on to the facts and don't let them slip,
Focus on what's real and never shoot from the hip.
The biggest flaw that I know I could have,
Is to assume too many things from the past.
Take all the facts and place them in frame,
Assemble the parts and don't assume blame.
When the pieces are together and gaps do appear,
Your picture of truth will soon be near.
Connect all the dots deep in within your mind,
And the logic will flow and the facts will shine.
The flow of the facts will fill the missing pieces,
You can understand truth and your knowledge increases.
-Not for any contest
(Apologies to any cowboys in Derbyshire)
The telegraph came through, but just in time
before my coach had passed the county line
mah girl wuz all alone and in distress
only one guy could go save her- well, you guessed.
Ah told mah driver “stop! I gotta help her
drop me off- ahm headin' back to Belper!"
"Yo crazy boy! The old guy spluttered forth
there ain't nuthin' but trouble that far north”
His words had barely registered, I'd say
but I was in Duffield, post-haste, half way,
that one horse town of Derby far behind
but only winsome Janet on mah mind.
Time wuz almost out when I rode through
she'd almost given up on me, I knew
as when I burst in through that old front door
and spotted her, alone, on that shop floor
mah old lady there, terrified, no doubt
cryin' "Help me, Lord- mah credit card's maxed out!"
We all know a man does what he's gotta do,
I reached fast for mah wallet and broke through
passed her mah card, and though it be a sin
I'd told her long ago mah chip 'n pin.
She spun real tight and, takin' no more lip
swiped up the card, dang! Shootin' from the hip.
We road into the sunset, purchase done,
and before nightfall, hey- someone had some fun,
Woke up just before dawn, mah eyes still poppin',
so what- who said us guys just don't dig shoppin' ?
Competition- ' Let 'er rip- shoot from the hip 18th March 2015
Last Night I Made Love With Spiderwoman
Clawlike fingers or are they nails painted bird fell on my windowsill calling my name ‘Felicity, Felicity!’ I gelled up with some cookie dough between the thighs crunch curse not the CXurse is kvnt open fingers entering oww ooh she nearly bit me neck bite tethered in braces she hovers over my lips sucking are they fangs? Kiss with golden tongue frolicking in the mouth so succulent her breath on my face lips of sweet papaya mango Mimi munchkin morning melt desirous delirous galavanting throw me over your shoulder WonderWoman! No she tells only the most serendipitous sensuous salts steaming from her brow hot legs shoot from the hip she has a gun it’s loaded pistol on your piston gunfire upload bullet for hire powderworks hut battle of the she grrls beautiful one last night I made love with Spiderwoman
Inquiring of my grandparents to explain love,
Teasing grandpa said, "Togetherness alone pays."
I asked him, what's kept you together all these years?
"Tethers do not work, the secret is frequent hugs."
In short, what do you credit your long marriage to?
"Tough love means you don't always say what you're thinking."
Interesting, Grandpa, how you shoot from the hip.
The ball's in your court now; Granny, you have your say.
"Imagine love's like ball games, you win and you lose.
Teamwork means that each player has a job to do.
It's never about winning every single game;
There's those times when you win by losing, so it seems.
Indeed, God says, love others as you love yourself.
To place your partner in front of you is true love."
In retrospect, both my grandparents made their point;
They agree: love puts others first unselfishly.
August 20, 2022
Fear of rejection can come to us all
Feeling alone like facing the wall
All the outside just staring in
If only they could see what is within
Not feeling the spirit from all around
Just want to hide, open up the ground!
Rejection can come in many forms
From playground antics and college dorms
It can even turn up in a relationship
Too change this one shoot from the hip
To tackle rejection do it head on
Find out why and remain strong
Is it emotional or is it social
Both of these are psychological
They can be treated and sorted out
But remain calm try not to shout
Rejection can cause anger and aggression
External and even inward explosion
Don't blame yourself as this you don't need
Find a safe place, breathe slowly or read
A reason for this thought you won't find
It's a receptor buried deep in the mind
Studies say it's from out evolutionary past
They managed, so keep calm have a blast
Emotional pain is hard to ignore
Stay positive and don't become a bore
Pick yourself up and find the light
Then your life will start to be bright
Keep working on the little things
Then you will find what happiness brings
When the moon forces night
I'm knocked down to my knees
Memory fading from sight
Promises I'll never keep
I go and do it again
Order round after round
Might as well be a gun in my hand
Deadly shots with no sound
As the snake in the pit
Takes a bite out of me
I am chewing my lip
So much wanting to scream
Falling off of the cliff
Cause my ledge is to weak
Craziness must admit
Taking the best out of me
Sunlight makes it's first peak
Over the waters edge
In the gutter I sleep
I have made my own bed
In which I now lie
If only I were able
To give up and die
On this, my torture table
The snake in the pit
Will not let go of me
I try to shoot from the hip
To try and bring some relief
I stare at the cliff where I fell
The climb is too steep
Alcohol has a mighty grip
That brings me no peace
28 years ago today I made the decision to stop the madness of drinking... Life has never been better! If you yourself are caught up in this Hell I hope and pray you get help. It can be done, I'm living proof!