Long See the light Poems
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I heard them say,
that life is full of promises.
I hear them pray,
that God makes a way us to excel.
I have a dream,
and each morning I wake up just to give it a chase.
I aim high,
higher than where the moon and stars are placed.
I give it a try,
and the universe gives me a peak of what I can have.
It's within reach,
If I stretch further I can have a touch.
Its all there,
my heart and soul knows this and we take control.
The control of life,
steering with keen towards our goal.
I see the light,
Its shinning brighter for my eyes feel with glee.
...then it all comes crushing down....
I blink a bit and it comes crushing...
down, am left lying in darkness...
It was all there, now nowhere...
shuttered...
am drowning...
How could it disappear I ask,
How can it seem so near,
yet so far I cannot bear,
the thought of losing it before getting there...
How could it lead me so closer,
yet the moment I near it vanishes in thin air...
how could it...
Painful it is to bear,
the thought of being down brings fear,
my mind wanders in confusion as I strive for a better,
feeling than this causing my heart to drown like it's tied to an anchor.
I must wake,
I must rise from this wreck,
I must gather the only strength I have left to try and break,
I must take heart and rise above all fear and torture that evil can make.
and so I rise,
in hope I find the means,
to stand on two feet,
again to keep my goal alive.
In hope I steer dust off the dirt,
I take up the sword and hold it closer to my heart,
arising from the ashes and again seeking to fly,
my focus now clearer and my breathe now deeper,
I know I can do it and all it takes is the inner,
spirit to excel above all that tries to hinder,
me from achieving what I have been so eager,
to find and make my whole life better.
In hope I fly,
In hope I try,
In hope I strive,
In hope all I seek I shall find.
..and so I go,
head held high and full of hope,
heart pumping harder and mind set on my goal,
I know,
that failing doesn't mean the end of the road,
I know,
that the journey of life is full of such falls,
I know,
that the bad sometimes comes our way just to make us strong,
I know,
that the only way I can get there is by filling my heart with eternal hope.
I know...
that in hope,
all,
is never,
lost.
Judgement day is every day when you're trying to survive in a decent way. Clean up your life and move away, to a new playground for the kids to play. It's an Oreo cookie way of life, broader than black and white. Trying to break to the surface to see the light, but you keep getting suppressed.. it takes all your fight.
Drop out came a long way.. From counting stacks of 3 to a GED. On the outside mamma's so proud of me. But inside she's scared she don't want to see me take another fall, slip up and lose it all. X'ed up, punching holes in the wall. She's cautious for my life, she cries: "I wish you could see it through my eyes".
Accidentally got caught up in the game and chase again. Never had let go, the past was still holding onto my hand. Slowly takes over, but you keep it undercover. Keep it on the low, thinking nobody's going to know. But somehow I stayed on top of it. Only slinging and drugging on the weekends and ****. Got through my Friday and played on payday. Dedicated worker specialized in crazy.
Then one I day my end started to begin. I changed my life and I traded it in.. For a camouflage uniform that covered the scars on my skin. I ended up losing my freedom, tied down with conflicting feelings. Gun in my hand, I was told to defend, the pain and the hell that I had abandoned. The bad guy in trusted boots, ripped myself from my roots. I planted my self far from the town I was raised in.
Kind of felt like I was betraying there trust, leaving my love for a life that's lust.
But then again.. I finally felt filled inside, alive. Maybe there was a reason I looked at my past, and wanted to run and hide. No longer scraping dough to get high. Now I see it again, that pride. The sparkle in mamma's eye. And for the first time it ain't a tear from fear. Can't plan ahead a god damn year. Now she has hope instead of dread, from that knock on the door saying: "Your little girl's dead."
I opened my eyes and I stopped listening. Closed my ears to the phrases of hustlers. "Act classy, you're a lady" was all they could muster. How did they think ladies could survive in these streets? Double standards of life, a game you'll never beat.
I lived how I wanted, they said it was no place for a girl. But once I shared what I had, it became our world. I found the "I" in family, once the pain killers got a hold of me. They kill the pain but bring the misery.
Where shall I flee? I’m swimming in the waters of misery…
And I’m crying a river…I’m saturated in woe
How do I think cheerfully? I’m lost in the abyss…and the shadows won’t let me be…
And I’m bewildered… I’m fighting to break free…
(I can’t break free…
Where do I flee?
Why can’t I break free?)
The spiders are spinning their webs above me…
Bless me and untangle me from this madness…please… give me peace…I’m wasting away –
They’re preying upon me…they’re whipping me … warping their way inside of me
My saliva drips on the ground…I’m growing numb and I pray
The monsters don’t attack my heart’s desires…if I let them break free,
I’ll never be the same…I’ll never see the light of day
Where do I belong? I’m roaming in the fields of blasphemy
And I’m crying a river…I feel like an awful disgrace…
How do I find a pathway? I’m lost in fields of weeds…they’re producing catastrophe
And I’m bewildered… I’m trying to finish the race…
(I can’t keep pace…
The sweat is trickling down my face…
Why can’t I keep pace?)
The wasps are chasing after me…where do I flee?
Caress me and save me from the distress…stinging me in pleasure…I’m drifting away –
They’re hovering all around me… they’re harassing me…could you wipe away my tears?
Find me a place of rest…to make the sufferings end and I pray
The darkness will stop spreading lies in my head…if I throw away my fears,
I’ll never learn to face my fears…I’ll never know His way…
Where shall I go? I’m roaming in the fields of blasphemy
And I’m crying a river…I’m saturated in woe
How do I find the key? I’m lost in fields of weeds…they’re reproducing catastrophe
And I’m bewildered…
I’m yearning to let go…
I’m learning to cope with my fears…
I’m deserting my woe…
I’m wiping away the tears...
(that has been bottled up for many years… )
The spiders have ensnared me in their webs…
I’m in danger…I’m wrapped up in distress…
and there is no where to hide…
The wasps are tracking me down...I haven’t paid my debts…
I’m struck in alarm…I’m in a mess…
Please stay by my side – catch me as I collide
( We’re all together on this ride… )
I can’t break free (please relieve me from my despair)
Why can’t I break free? Where do I flee? (this pain is too much to bear)
I can’t keep pace (give me the energy to shine like the sun)
Why can’t I keep pace? Why can’t I finish this race? (give me some strength to run)
Never-ending aftershocks of yesterday’s tomorrow has settled in my mind’s eye…there’s so much out there to look forward to…I’d rather not die, but indeed, I must live to see the light of day take wing from on high! Cleanse me with your hope, oh Lord of Accord and you are so perfectly imperfect to me…and you shine bright like a diamond in the cave and you mirror my pain with healing, crystal-clear rain! I’m out of my mind in the past, present and future…what’s my fate? What is there in store for me? Why do I hestitate? I hesitate for the sake of Your honor-packed jubilance, not his blasphemed envy! Good news (It’s intriguing! Very!) – I’m suriving and still standing tall; bad news (nothing brand-new or exciting really): I failed the test with a F- for failure to the extreme…your sub-zero eyes see right through me and I can feel the coals heating up in my heart! I’m mad to begin with and I’m sick of breaking apart! Deplorable Reality’s strategic tragedy stings like billion’s of buzzin’ busy bees out of their honey dens or hives! Deal with the cards, roll the dice. Feel my words – you’re my livin’ sacrifice! We need a happily ever after after all! Deplorable Reality’s strategic tragedy stings like billion’s of buzzin’ busy bees out of their honey dens or hives! You kill’d me inside and out and I won’t pout like a child, running about! You killed me with your lonesome song and I have no slight doubt about that, if you know what I am speaking of no doubt! Are you damaged by your suicidal depression? Do you have any clue what I’ve been through? Deplorable Reality’s strategic tragedy stings like billion’s of buzzin’ busy bees out of their honey dens or hives! I am a money saver, but a worthless beggar or an ungrateful waster OR a real big spender ~ I don’t mean to offend a single soul or drive anyone insane in any way, shape or form…I am just telling you the truth straight out of my brain while I lay down and type this verse up in my solitary, yet unique, wild and stunning-blue dorm…avoiding a bee swarm like escaping a windstorm with stingers flying all around me every direction I turn! Every angle I watch, there is danger looking at me straight in the eyes…replicating the death stare of the Lord of the Flies…my hope and faith withers and dries like a weed, left in the sun…pulled up from the ground by the gardener himself…rotting away…today…
My New Poem, Raw and Uncut
Oh What a day
Oh What a day when black people stop pray
Pause and realize where their horizon lay
Where the pastures are green, yet remains unseen,
What a day when we look in perception
and see the path that lead to today ,
yet we keep reliving the past
the ignominy of a bygone day.
Oh What a day
when we clear the path
of delusional ideologies and alien songs
Home is where the heart is
But in Africa, Humanity began
Oh what a day
when we see our purpose,
That from the cradle, the creator blessed us ,
not conceding to the thought, he cursed us.
Oh what a day
when our leaders
plants the seed of economic sufficiency
than clearing the path to cooperate greed.
When will our leaders in the west indies
Revisit our history and shine a light
To our glorious African history
That’s kept from our sight.
Oh what a day, when we hang our wall
An image of our creator
Blessed with the dark shades of the sun
Telling the truth, of how it began
Not reflecting what its never been
Oh what a day,
when we learn to love,
our African brothers despite what is said.
West Indies may be your homeland
America and others are a part
But if you are a blackman
Jamaica may be your homeland
but keep Africa in your heart
The motherland,
your primary thought.
Oh what a day
When we see the light
And know the meaning of life
That regardless of material things
There is a glorious life
In sharing, caring, preserving life.
Oh what a day
We don’t need no gold or diamonds rings
No motor cars, no air plane, none of these earthly things
For the riches that the earth possess
Even if you are a poor man , they are priceless
And if you are a rich man, they too become useless
Oh what A day, when the angels sings
And cashes not, just to wear the bling
That steals the soul, and corrupts the heart
Costing life at an escalating cost
Oh what a day when we start again
And share the spirit that our ancestors had
The love of our mother, sister and brother
Where dad played his part ,
Getting the harvest, bold and strong
Defending the virtues of the mother and Motherland
Oh what a day,
when the daily propaganda, no longer influence
Because we have taught the youth
Home is where the lesson is learnt
Righteousness the only path
For human coexistence,
We need a kind heart/
One winter eve I walked out with my dog,
The way was dark, unlit by moon and stars,
My flickering torchlight failing in the fog,
To pick out tree roots,crevices and rocks,
To cause a stumble, and a muffled curse.
Whatever else was lurking in the trees,
Silent and still, in my mind grew worse,
As an unfolding midnight dream turned sour.
I knew the the path. We trod it every day,
So filled with pleasure and delight 'til now.
My step quickened. I could not shrug away
A feeling of disquiet and unease,
Palpable amidst the encircling gloom.
Nocturnal creatures scarcely made a sound
But it was magnified, a crack of doom,
A falling twig, or rustling dried-up leaves,
Predators unseen, darkly eyeing prey,
Their evil presence almost within touch,
Waiting the chance to carry me away,
To drag me to some foul and putrid nest,
Never again to see the light of day.
With tensions high and senses all alert,
Out of the dark, a touch upon my leg.
Startled and fearing, a step back I lurched,
And then relief. It had been but a nudge
From Ross. Perhaps he sensed and shared
My fright, but then, from out the stillness of the night,
A fearsome roar. My feet turned into stone.
Blood curdling, heart stopping, the monstrous sound
Echoed around us. Frozen to the spot,
My breathing stopped. I could not turn around
To flee. And then again it came, so close, it seemed
To set the very trees a-quivering.
What beast was this, what wild and hellish fiend ?
More furious bellowing, on and on
And on, and still I could not see the source.
Turning to run, the path had disappeared.
Crashing through entangled briars, ditches,
Fallen trees, scratched and bleeding, soon I feared,
Mud-soaked and stumbling now, that i was lost.
Still I heard the creature, somewhere behind,
Roaring, bellowing, angry with the night.
I fell into a muddy ditch, half blind,
And scrambled through the slime, hoping I might
Emerge at the wood's edge, so close to home
But, helpless, I was sucked into the mire,
Down,down and deeper down, now filled with fear,
Breathing in mud, heart pounding, lungs on fire.
No hope, no light ahead, my end was near.
I reached the bottom. Now let truth be said.
What did I find? I'd fallen out of bed !
And that, dear reader, though I am not one to brag,
Was my encounter with the rutting Lyth Hill stag !
We Are One
Dear Ancient Sister
I hear your distant calls finding me on a gentle breeze
You have lived in my dreams for many seasons
My voice
Your voice
My soul
Your soul
And our Coming of Age
I have always known you...
I have heard your
Quiet whispers echoing in
The night coming close to me
I call to you ...
Let me be a part of your breath
I have always known your wounds and sorrow
I see the light and magic in your eyes...
The pain you carry so eloquently
I see your reflection in the clouds above
Carrying your soul wound on your sleeve
I see the deep crevasses and lines
In your grandmother’s hands
I hear the secrets beneath the earth of
Your grandfather’s footsteps
I see your reflection in the twilight
Of the evening... against pink watermelon hills
Your voice beckoning me onward closer to you
I see you in the moon and stars
Your buckskin dress adorned with
Ceremonial beads
Abalone shell against your forehead
The dirt beneath your moccasins
Grateful for the kiss of your dancing feet
I hear the echo in the distance of songs
The Elders sang...
During their passage here
You are born into a woman
Before my eyes and heart
Before your tribe
Before nature
A wise new feline
A mystical power with endless allure
A force that lifts and unites us all
As one
Your rays blessing us and leaving
A welcome imprint on our hearts
My Ancient sister
I drink in your wisdom and grace
I fly on your wings
You have shown me your world
Watching you dance
Becoming you for moments in time
Your silhouette etched by
The wild flames behind you
A glow radiating into
The night sky
The stories of your Ancestors
Filling the air with
Words and lessons and song
Notes sung into clenched fists
With bloodstained hands
The children and animals
Sensing all that was
And all that will ever be...
The call of a distant bird
The thumping of your cane on
The hungry earth
Keeping time with
The movements of your body
You will look back on this
Day as you walk with the
Same cane down the path of
Old Age...
Your wisdom
Cupping your heart gently
Ancient Sister of mine
I am in gratitude for
Your strength and courage
The kiss of your words and
The teardrops of your loss
Susan Lawrence
Copyright 2020
Original Artwork
Susan Lawrence
In an old vineyard
When Jesus was just a lamb
His coat eight years old
Working with the chaste Joseph
His father and guide
As the beloved Mary
Kneeled and prayed to God
In their small and humble home
A visitor came
Golden and shining brightly
Like beams of sunlight
Shooting through the home’s window
Shooting from heaven
Shooting down from the clear heights
Mary beheld him
Thinking he was her young son
Putting off his coat
With gentleness the child said
“Where is dear Jesus
My dear brother and brave twin
I want to meet him”
Mary never responded
In fearful blindness
Thinking he was a phantom
From the lightless depths
Rather than light from the heights
She seized his right arm
And tied his arm to the foot
Of the worn, torn bed
Not wishing to scare her more
He remained at peace
Not saying a single word
During this event
Jesus held an empty branch
Observing the wood
As if it were a mirror
Soon he heard Mary
Jabbering in confusion
With tears raining down
In this dim storm of wailing
Jesus heard the words
Breaking through the whirling clouds
“A phantom has come
Dressed in golden apparel
Dressed in bright lightning
Saying “Where is dear Jesus
My twin and brother
I desire to see him”
Joseph please help me”
Only Jesus saw the light
And heard the thunder
For he had wise eyes to see
And had ears to hear
He proclaimed with holy strength
“Mother, where is he
So that I may see the light
Or should I wait here
Waiting for the bright sunlight
To break through this storm”
Jesus said these words in joy
Joseph was startled
Mary wiped away her tears
They entered the house
And found the spirit at peace
Still bound to the bed
Both the parents looked at him
Then looked at Jesus
And found them to be the same
Mary walked further
And unloosed the child angel
He bowed to Mary
He and Jesus said no words
For they were brothers
They hugged with their gentle arms
Gave a holy kiss
The angel child disappeared
For he and Jesus
Became one white pearl of light
Thus the empty branch
Bloomed with delicious almonds
Bloomed with holy life
Thus this town was sanctified
Crowned with golden, shining grace
Poem based on the account from the ancient apocryphal book The Pistis Sophia, Chapter 61.
In the Darkness
In the darkness, I have roamed with unseen obstacles in my path. Some I have stumbled over and some have knocked me down. Some have taunted me and put fear in my heart. Some have led me astray and others have blinded my eyes. Some whisper lunacy in my ears while others have tempted me to delve in sin. Some have wounded me with words and some have mocked my innocence.
I have walked in the iniquity of sin, dabbled in the delights of desire. I have sinned and lost my innocence and have walked the road to hell. I have felt the caress of love upon my cheek but brushed it away. I have seen the glories of God’s creation but have littered upon the land. I have heard the sweet whisper of hope in my ears but have closed them to the voice of reason.
I have reached out my hand and then withdrew it. I have opened my heart then pierced it with the shaft of unbelief. I have shown kindness then replaced with cruelty. I have given love then I have turned away. I have sinned and ask for forgiveness then sinned yet the same sin again. I have praised and worshipped then I have fallen from grace. I have done all these things yet my heart still belongs to you God.
I know not perfection for I am imperfect. I know not loyalty for I am disloyal. I know not beauty for I am plain and I know not freedom for I am bound. I do know the father for he created me and the son for he saved me and the spirit for the spirit loved me and though I am led astray I look to the light to guide me home.
The light has guided me from the darkness and lit the path before me. It has removed my bonds and made me free. It has blotted out that which would blind me and led me to kneel before the throne. It has caressed my face with the
allure of hope and has given me the strength to resist the desires of sin. I look to the heavens and see the light of a great city radiant with love and peace and God I see your hands reaching out for me.
Father please forgive me for I have sinned. Please have mercy upon me for I know it is not your desire that I shall perish in the fire. Let me serve you for you
are the guiding light and the father of my savior and the giver of life. Lord wash away the dust of sin that has littered my soul and cleanse it with your holy fire for I am yours forevermore, Amen.
Terry Burns
11/21/2016
Without a conscience, You feel no pain. How do you ever expect to gain? Your words hold no meaning, Your future not so bright. I wonder if you'll ever see the light. You don't seem to care about what's wrong or right. Have you no regrets for the things you say & do? It doesn't matter who gets hurt...As long as it's not you...
Your heart is soiled & your spirit weak, Why don't you keep the words you speak? Hate & anger runs through your blood, Swallowing you up like a flood. There's an emptiness in you, You try to deny. But why must others suffer for the pain you hold inside? You can't be satisfied.
Who will love you when you're old & gray, Who will care for you til your dying day? You don't want a good girl, Whose heart belongs to you.
To you, you know her heart will always be true and she'll always love you through & through, Because she only wants whats best for you. To HER, you'll NOT surrender full blown love, so warm & tender. But for you, a **** will do, It's nothing more than a "Rendezvous". Your feelings will never matter. To you, her heart will not be true. If she cheated on him... she'll cheat on you. And she will never rely on you. For another awaits her in her bed. She will not worry if a disease she spreads! Sneaking around, trying not to get caught, Until the newness & excitement wears off...Dignity is LOST! Would her man want to shake your hand Or would he devise another plan? Would he rather your life be taken, Because it's his world YOU have shaken!
Do you have no remorse Or do you plan to stay your course? What happened to the morals that God instilled in us, The 10 Commandments "In GOD we trust". The One who knows where our eternal soul is bound. He knows who's soul is Lost or Found.
I truly regret our drunken nights And wish our children hadn't seen our Ungodly sight. What if Jesus came back today, Would he look at us with such dismay? Would he turn & walk away, Because we lived our life the devils way. This life is merely a test, But to HIM I must confess, Because in the end I want the best, And in HIS arms I soon shall rest. Soon this life will be over, No more hurt & no more sorrow. My only hope is that IF He grants us tomorrow, We will make wiser decisions Until our time on earth has ended And "Through the Pearly Gates I will enter", A peaceful soul... My Lord shall render!!