Long Scratcher Poems

Do you want all those dudes hangin' in front of ya momma's crib?

Keep yo' churrin' off the streets and away from where the big boys fib

I'm the king of hardcore and deserve a whole lot...

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Dear Santa,
As you may well know, 
it's tights and not stockings that are all the go.
So, with no stockings to hang on the bedstead, 
would a pair of my bloomers be OK instead?
I'll sew up...

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There’s Just One Catch


Help wanted.   See the details below.
Help wanted.   See the details below.

I’m lookin’ for a part-time assistant, and a life skills mentor, 
A Quick Books accountant, and an exercise...

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There were three mice, members of the mob
Wanted to retire, so planned one last job
It was deep winter and it started to snow
But they weren't deterred, and the job was a go.

Their names were Gnasher,...

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There’s a monkey tag-team of mo-rons 
running things   ~   Polly Would Pinocchio style
Dumb and Dumber dolts 
got dim a dullard king Dumbo
dunce chair directing

Elephant Man, with the carrot top sage
He’s a...

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Help wanted.   See the details below.

I’m lookin’ for a part-time assistant, and a life skills mentor, 
A Quick Books accountant, and an exercise partner, 
And a neat housekeeper that can do windows.
It helps...

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He’s a strange kinda guy,
even he wouldn’t challenge that assertion
When you see him, you sense
something’s a bit off
But don’t bother asking him,
his appearance will tell you why
Wearing clothes that don’t color coordinate;
his socks are always...

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Did Discover That Trump Is Diabolic

We did discover Trump was diabolic;
Symbolic of problem that is Systolic;
Does need some stroll,
Through weight control;
Way above head becoming psychotic.

Jim Horn

Fear What We Hear from Trump

What we hear from Trump...

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Strange, funny even; 
             someone spending two hours 
         in the gym at noon, sweating...

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in again had clocked
thoughts from my mind had been blocked
my brain tightly locked

concept corrected
mind with body connected
my brains collected

had been head scratcher
not ever virus catcher
be of sound stature

seen in state of shock
we had checked out...

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 You can travel the four thousand miles of the Nile
to its source and never find it.
You can climb the five highest peaks of the Himalayas
and never recognize it.
You can gaze through the largest telescope
and...

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looking at the water
with less money than i had before
thinking about the latest person that was blessed with a lucky scratcher
i look down at my lunch
i look in the armrest compartment at my work badge
i...

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I scratch my chin
while i sit and ponder
And i wonder
about that poetess
way down yonder
Shes far away 
So many miles
Filled with so many poetic styles
But now shes asked me to make her smile.
But what kind of...

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I fell in love with a tree stump
Well, my wife's wooden leg
Part of that tree helps her walk
With another part, I made a keg

I fill that thing full of rootbeer
The keg I mean, not my...

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Simple Mathematics, really.
To eliminate one component
To solve a problem quickly.


I’ll form the problem into a manageable state,
By easily eliminating an unwanted variable.
Now, just what variable to eliminate?


First, I will multiply the X by two.
That’s the...

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