Long Pees Poems

At the footbridge Sue was meeting her beau
(He was married to a woman called Flo)
Sue soon found out his deception
She dismembered his erection
For his love life it was a massive blow

To the hospital fled poor...

Read More

Being Bob

Bob, is just an ordinary guy in every sense of the word. Five ft eight inches tall, a little on the chubby side and has lost most of his hair. No one pays much...

Read More

Suburban Spring	
(4.15.10)


	Springtime fills the air, 
			like laughing gas.
		(Or maybe more like whiskey.)
The suburbs are drunk on the nectar of it's dawn.
	Middle-class houses 
			are starting to dance.
		(Or maybe they're just wobbling.)
They vomit whole families onto their...

Read More

There's a leprechaun in my garden
stomping all over my soil,
I'm trying to prepare it for flowers
with the sweat of my brow, I've toiled.

He is extremely mischievous
he pees all over the place,
tries to kill my trees...

Read More

the end nears with Jesus and witches

let us hope there are no more glitches

little baby wears a mask in the manger

conceived socially distant without danger

no Golgotha crowd but liked tweeted clips

zoom calls for blurring out...

Read More

If I had to choose between taking my pills to feel numb
And not taking my pills to feel everything at 100 percent, I’d feel glum.
When I feel, I truly feel every single thing,
Every good and...

Read More

One fine day while shovelling snow from upon my sidewalk
I noticed a huge hairy dog on a big shiny white rock
He wagged his little bushy tail and ran with jolly up to me
and lifted up...

Read More

Intact I am math, 

but in a blast I run fast-

somewhere above the tree line
I am seen as fine, 

but inside I am tried.


The weather doesn't help locate a song,
so I hop on a motorcycle...

Read More

I wonder why it is that,
Some women work so hard to be chased
That they forget to flirt
With the idea of being caught and embraced.
I wonder why it is that,
There is such a need to fight...

Read More

When I  be out cuttin mye graiss befo,
Duh Lawd gimmie a sign.
Least ways iffin hit wus not duh Lawd
Maybe sumpthin else, cause
Duh Lawd He don’t want no body
usin His name fur a laiff.
So I...

Read More

This is my Homophone contest submission     


Ewe No A Lyre

their once was a man with a bore
who worked down at the local bizarre 
the bore eight corn colonels four lunch
and blew...

Read More

Wherever peaches grow I go and pick 'em.
When they get ripe I try and swipe 'em.
The farmer runs out with a shotgun and wonders where's the varmint gone?
I'm hiding by the railroad tracks stacking the...

Read More

quiet waves out at sea
deeply breathing in
sweeping out to shore

a frigate bird swells
a red neck sack hoping
to attract

a young buck
ruts and rattles
antlers with a tree

the earth shakes
a slight quake making
mounds ripple as if flesh

a slug...

Read More

Revoking Doc's License #1

A word from the State Medical Board committee
The #1 injection will always be P.D.
Doc, I am considering to slam you out of pity
I do not mess with poets whose licenses come from...

Read More

FOOD FIGHT

YEAH! Yum I am sittin at the dining room table;
Smelling all them aromas of mom's Christmas coarses;
Moving hands arms and mouths of all the children voices;
Fidgeting,  shirring wanting to pass over dinner
 ...

Read More

DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN TAKE A PEE?

I assure all of you one thing about this universe
it's getting worse
starving tiny little ones are crying
while their daddies are busy dying

some young man decides love is...

Read More

I ride my “Women Inspired” Schwinn up to my friend’s path.
My bike is magenta and the path is chartreuse, 
Swathed by the spent spring buds of a tree.
I see Mister, who I call “Meester the...

Read More

Venom resumes X 3
Suryas out of his basket indeed,
Even good boys are naughty, Sajni,
elevation creatonism,
mantra stance style,
the sun moons life,
he locks his eyes for an eternal rain dance,
chaos enveloped in tears from the sun,
cosmic comic...

Read More

Great apes are the second most intelligent animals

Next to humans of course except for one of my friends

According to many scientific theories, we evolved from the ape family

Aha, that explains my friend Walter

They follow an...

Read More

Mike was ridin' shotgun
I was sittin' on the hump
Ledford's got the steering wheel
There's the devil in our trunk

Drivin' up to Sherkston
For a day of sun an' fun
Doin' ninety miles an hour
That's how Jerry liked to...

Read More

Mango's are tasty 
And oranges are orange,
Apple be on my mind
As I decipher the laws of gravity,
Moms always say "eat your greens"...!
So I took my pees
Vege served on tables,
Lemon slices on glass sides
A yellow day...

Read More

My soul is lost 
   upon ice-blue crevasses so deeply!
    help me my blue elephant
that lettuce is brave 
  like electrons always saying hello
    and never...

Read More

I Am A Rose

Planted in the early spring placed gently in the earth.
At one time just a single seed until I'm given birth.
Peering out a tiny crack I think I see the sun.
Glancing quickly all...

Read More

It has become necessary to use piddle pads in the back room
So I am not interrupted at night and try to make sleep resume
My neighborhood has gotten run down and people can be bad
If I...

Read More

Tall Tales In Short Form Contest
Sponsor: Casarah Nance


A flying chubby dog indeed, is my Mugsy the pug,
with stubby little legs always acting so smug.
He grew wings about a week after he was born,
by the breeder,...

Read More