Isabella Mercado | + Follow Poet |
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The choice between

If I had to choose between taking my pills to feel numb
And not taking my pills to feel everything at 100 percent, I’d feel glum.
When I feel, I truly feel every single thing,
Every good and bad moment life can bring.

But you see, when I put it like that, I’d prefer to take my pills,
Feel nothing, an empty void, just going through the drills.
Yet, when I think of it, I’d rather not take my dose,
Because my essence is gone, the me who laughs, who glows.

The person who laughs with her best friend until she almost pees,
When those moments vanish, alone with thoughts like these,
I wish to turn it off, as if it were a switch,
Just numb the bad thoughts, leave the good, but life’s not that rich.

So it’s either feel it all, with the good and the bad,
Or feel nothing at all, just existing, and that’s sad.
That void sounds delightful, it is until you’re with your kin,
Can’t share their happiness, try hard, but can’t fit in.

I’d like to say it hurts, but it doesn’t, I’m just a void,
Feeling nothing beats the depression I’ve tried to avoid.
They’ll say, “Just get off your meds,” if only it were so light,
Nothing’s easy in this world, it’s a constant fight.

In this world, you don’t live, you survive the strife,
Get tired of trying, go back on meds, to numb your life.
People say you’re cold-hearted, feeling nothing at all,
But there’s a difference they don’t see, it’s a different call.

As long as the depressive episodes are gone, you’ll be alright,
But when off your meds, emotions come back, a fierce fight.
What to do then, but go back on the meds, choose the void over pain,
There’s your switch, on or off, in the constant rain.

So, is your switch on or off, which way do you lean?
In this struggle, there’s no clear answer, just what you’ve seen.

Copyright © Isabella Mercado | Year Posted 2024

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