Long Over it Poems
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All you need is the will. Where there is a will, there is always a way.
But, my polluted mind couldn't see the path to success ahead.
No map exists to sobriety, or a magical compass to recovery
The lifestyle I once lived, so empty and desolate.
Only able to completely rely on my own self.
For recovery, you need people. And, people are willing to help.
I surrounded myself with all of the acronyms.
AA, NA, MIA. I felt lost in the madness.
A peer in recovery helped me find a start; a Detox program.
These words so unsettling to any real drug addict.
But, this time I was done. Beyond done, Completely over it.
Their medications allowed me to surpass that three day barrier.
A mark of achievement I had so many other times missed.
By day seven, I started to feel slightly more normal.
A pre-dope normal, one that existed before the drugs took over.
But, then I opened my eyes and I saw the doors.
I knew exactly where those doors led to...
They led to the street. They led right back to the needle.
So I just stayed, and moved right into their inpatient program.
A place I swore wholeheartedly I would never go.
The twenty-eight days can be summed up in one word: Reassuring.
Each day I grew more confident, and began to feel reassured.
Just when I came to an acceptance that recovery was truly possible.
Once again, I stood weary at those same two doors.
I decided to speak out. It came from a place of fear and despair.
I was directed into a new form of safe haven.
IOP, with an emphasis on the "intensive."
For four hours a day, for four days a week, I worked at recovery.
Each day building upon my new foundation of inner strength.
When, and only when, I felt completely ready.
I left IOP, and again I immersed myself in those acronyms.
I also found a healthy replacement for my abundant time.
The gym became my therapy, relieving me both body and mind.
Working out was my new "high." Only this time it was healthy.
Through the entirety of this life changing experience.
I learned many new things about life, about myself.
Proving that where there's a will, there is definitely a way.
It took first reaching rock bottom, and the absolute lowest of lows.
to learn first hand, that you can't reach the top, without first being at the bottom.
A village in the sun
There is a small village with a few streets that have no name and houses have no number twelve I bought a small home that had stood empty for years when not used as a stable for the unique Algarvian white long-eared donkey
Retired workers in the village up the road where the shop was located next door to a café where they sat enjoying their beer fixed my house and soon I with my dogs everyone in the Algarve has a dog and I could spend my time writing poetry or walking in the wood
This Idyll was too perfect to last, one day a group of English tourists came to my village, and I, the only one who spoke English sealed the village's fate by telling them what a wonderful this place was and that there were several empty houses for sale the homes were snapped up and before you could say, Adam, the village became English
Cans of beer in the ditches, late-night parties scantily dressed women craving sex and sun the idyll was over it was time to leave my refuge from a noisy place filled with people who said how much they loved Portugal
‘Think that you can help it
You try to find a cure
You’ve never been so wanting
You ask for nothing more
One by one th’ cherries are
A-falling from your plate
Stop the clock ‘n’ give it up
But Love, oh Love, it wont wait
Away from all the noise
Deep in your empty room
Your resurrection voice
Serenades a distant moon
All the stars are wondering
What is it gonna’ take
‘Hurts a lot, you tie a knot
But Love, oh Love, it will escape
Dressed for a funeral
You never leave the house
With ev’ry second day
Another light goes out
Now, the life you led before
It was no piece of cake
But don’t quit, get over it
For Love, oh Love, it’s not too late
I’m over your moods…
I’m over your style…
I’m over your kisses,
And I’m over your smile.
I’m over your words,
I’m over your voice.
I’m over your bossiness,
I’m over being here with no choice.
I’m so over it….
I’m over the arguments,
I’m over the letters,
I’m over you telling me,
“Everything with us will get better.”
I’m over the flowers,
I’m over the tears…
I’m over all the time,
That was wasted through the years.
I’m over you not believing in me,
I’m over you doubting me,
I’m over you putting me last…
I’m over you holding onto your past.
I’m over this lie I’ve been living,
I’m over the false love you’ve been giving.
I’m over you lack of trust,
I’m over this….
I’m over us.
I’m over this new version of me,
I’m over being your puppet,
And soon you’ll see.
I’ll fight like crazy,
To put things in my life….
Back to the way they used to be.
When it was just me….
I’m over everything….
I’m over you and me….
I’m over it.
In the darkness a cry
A little voice ask why
Soft footsteps across the floor
Can see them passing my door
I cry no more
Moms away
Dad likes to play
Silence is the word
Nothing heard
Just a bump in the night
My heart takes off in fright
Fear takes flight
I don't want to know
Be a part of the show
but the pain
The stain
The damage to my brain
Was mine to keep
Each time I weep
In my sleep
I cry out loud
Not so proud
You taught me to hate
Did not wish your fate
Don't let no one near
Hold no one dear
In my dreams I see
The bad things that used to be
So I hide
Get over it I've tried
Been denied
Afraid to sleep
As I wake up and weep
This is mine to keep
This gift you gave
I'll carry it to my grave
You appeared as an Angel
whom God had sent from above.
And to my surprise, I found
you were always on my mind.
From the moment that we met,
I felt that we were soulmates.
And I couldn't shake that feeling,
you were always on my mind.
I overheard you laughing,
and it sent my pulse pounding.
For I thought of nothing else,
you were always on my mind.
Your presence affected me,
I could neither eat nor sleep.
And I couldn't get over it,
you were always on my mind.
We wed, grew old together,
and created memories.
And in sharing tears and laughs,
you were always on my mind.
God called you back to heaven,
though I prayed He'd let you stay.
But I believe that you know,
you were always on my mind.
started loving you before I knew you were you
surprise pregnancy but a delight
wanted you to be loved from the beginning
felt close to you from the onset
before you had fingers or toes
before you knew me, I knew you
every kick or punch a reminder
you were here now, a new being
a fresh start, an innocent to protect
you came fast, and you were loved
from the onset, immediately, by all of us
your eyes so beautiful, I could cry over it
when I held you I became a new person
a mommy, your mommy, and I felt beautiful
more beautiful than I had ever felt before
You gave me the world, with your innocent eyes
and your happy laugh, and your keen sense of humor
I never wanted you to grow up. I wanted to keep you small
But you grew and became the best part of me,
you became an inspiration, a well-educated, smart,
exciting piece of me I had never dreamed possible.
And yet here you are, my firstborn, here you are!
Written 5-14-2020
Choice Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Brian Strand
A cloth tag on my bed disturbs me
So much so that it woke me up from sleep
I prayed that it would go away
In reality it will be there till doomsday
But that's not all
I know the ways of labels
They get their way
Manufacturers protect them
So does the law
It reads as plain as day
“Do Not Remove This Tag Under Penalty of Prosecution
or Persecution”
Some such nonsense…something like that….
It's too much for a simple man like me
I fear authority and prison
But I can't continue with this obnoxious thing
First, I placed a pillow over it
Tags don't need oxygen to breath
Labels are persistent, persevering
Even resolute in their condition to prevail
I could shoot it with a gun
No. That's no good
Smoke and noise don't scare it
Bullets hardly tear it
A relentless dangling appendage to the end remains
Clinging to the ends of beds
Duct tape was next
But I knew that words continued underneath
Also hidden by sheets
The butcher knife would have to do
Savagely removed…blood curdling rips and cuts
I blew a fuse..... My bed is new
No one could refute that now
Now my life is through
I am tagged as a bed label fugitive
Furniture police men hunt me down
I could be executed… or incarcerated
Made to make amends, repairs… or even face the chair
Pride comes before the fall
under a tender gaze of midday's sun
Our Sunday cross
is being turned upside down
incorrectly sponsored by none other than the arts council
as it carries their logo seal of approval stamped all over it
With groups promoting sin unholy acts attack
Abortion takes the centre staged arena
dark nights follow anyone supporting
such an ugly vile deed unchristian barbarism
tearing a child from the tree of life
Blind beggars God is not with them anymore
innocence is now plucked from the vine of the living
condemned to death
Also un-natural against the good living is speaking out of turn
trying to twist their sins as if born to do so deeply disturbed
family values is the most productive role in society today
to overshadow it against creations seed sewn treasures
The true values we hold are held
truth inside our mortal souls frame of mind
Born from the spirit of injustices a fire burns
crying to the Heaven's in dread filled shame for mercies sake
unhappy victims they become whom
are chained by incorrect choice
dressed down silenced good
yet remains to speak firmly on ignorance
in an open verdict time
will catch up
when the judgement bell tolls
Numbers each and every single beast
corrupt to the marrow
I for one condemn this false face called liberal
arrogant tunnel visioned traitors
Removing our Divine King as Lord
in our most Sacred Heart blessed
we are protected under his Holy mantel
I know your heart is in the right place, trying to unburden me from my grief,
But the words coming out of your face are inconsistent with my beliefs.
Yes, I knew this day would come but she was more than just a pet,
To say “get over it, she’s just a dog”, are the most insensitive words that you’ve said yet.
From the first day that she rescued me, she has been loyally by my side,
Never was she judgmental; to me, she never lied.
She helped me through some bad times and was always with me through the best,
Whenever I needed to slow down a bit, she rested her head upon my chest.
She taught me a trick or two, rewarding me with her love,
Now that she has crossed the rainbow bridge, I feel her looking down on me from above.
So, to hear you say, “she was just a dog, you can always just get another”
Injures me in such a way from which I am not sure I can recover.
There is no such thing as “just a dog”, I hope you now can understand,
I will grieve for her in my own way for as long as I possibly can.