Long Intensifies Poems

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All Day Long

All. Day. Long.

I sit there, in my chair, All. Day. Long. 
Glaring at people I hate. 
The people who are but mere memories.
Mere dust in the wind.

All that I know has blown away, 
taken by my faulty actions.
The dull replay of Meteora fills my room with lyrical insanity, 
tempting me with beat and anger. 
But I’ve realised it’s not the music that’s dull.
It’s myself. I am dull. 
 Dull, empty, detached, dead. 
My actions have caused this, my mental instability.

My arms and wrists, they’re crisscrossed with faint pink patterns,
the product of my attempts at reattachment and relief.
Eternal smiles of violet beneath my eyes, wrinkles surround my lips. 
My skin, yellow from the drugs, reflects weakly the sunlight from outside.
I blame everyone but myself, my personality rotten to the core.
My lungs, as well, shredded by smoke that acted like needles.

I couldn’t help myself, I jest in my mind. 
I’ve been trying to shove the blame onto something but myself, 
only to find there is nothing to blame but myself.

My body has been wracked to this state, 
a state well beyond my mere 29 years. 
My mind, hanging from a cliff. 
Threatening to free fall at any moment. 

As I sit there, in my chair, 
memories of an age long gone from my life flash before my eyes.
 A girl I loved, laughing.
 Her and I lying in the grass, at a lake’s edge.
A cat akin to night, eyes green as mine, purring softly in my lap.
Flashes of guns, from a war forgotten by all but me. 

As I reminisce these memories, a spark of feeling—pain.
Upwelling in my gut.
 Through my chest.
 Stabbing into the side of my head.
The pain triggers a new wave of recollection. 

Again, the girl. My mind so foggy I can’t remember her name. 
Dancing slowly to a song no longer heard of. 
Snow. A blush of the cheeks. Hands in mine, warming and comfortable.
The pain in my head intensifies, blinding me. 
I fall from my chair, the first time I’ve moved all day. In 2 days.

Shaking my head, I pull myself up. Standing, I look around. 
Another flash of pain, followed by a sensation I’d all but forgotten.
Her lips. At dusk. The very first time.
I stumble away from an unseen being, crashing into the wall. 
Blinking my eyes furiously, I right myself. 
Waiting a moment, I sit back down. 
And let the dullness take over, the pain ebb away, 
and the memories to replay.
All. Day. Long.


Premium Member My Tell-Tale Heart- a Twist On Poe

It wasn’t that I’d done you wrong
I welcomed you into my heart’s home
I cherished you
And I fed you 
I protected you
I let you dream your dreams
In comfort
In safety
And I loved you
You were my own

And yet….
Day upon day
You waited for the opportunity
To confess
Knowing it would kill me
Knowing I would bleed 
You had a perverse pleasure
In planning….
To murder my heart
And I never had a clue
I trusted you

You planned…you observed
And all the while you smiled
Acting sweet and caring
Checking on me
Making sure my needs were met
And then
Out of nowhere
Like lightning
You struck my unsuspecting heart
Rammed the dagger in deep
And twisted
Twisted
To make sure
All the blood was spilt

Satisfied and sure of yourself
You hid your gruesome work
Underneath layers of indifference
Buried
Or so you thought
But every now and then
You hear it
I know….I can see it on your face
You hear the beating of my heart
My tell-tale heart
It still beats for you
It’s still alive
You try to deaden it
The noise
It’s driving you mad
As you wine and dine her

You try to make love to her
More vigorously than before
More often
More intensely
But as she is screaming your name
Begging you for more
In the crescendo of passion
You heart it
The beating of my heart
It drowns out her voice
It drowns out everything
It pounds in your head
You can’t go on
Angry
You leave her wanting
As you run out of the room screaming…
“STOP IT
I hear your cry
I killed your love
Why do you still haunt me?”

Beat after beat after beat
My heart is still alive
You feel it
You are drawn to it
She notices
They notice
You are agitated
Something is driving you mad
It’s me
You remember my goodness
My smile...my bed...my scent
my love...my body...my warmth
That pounding in your head 
Is desire for me

It gets louder…LOUDER
As you walk over to where I stand
With each quickened step
The pounding intensifies
Surely everyone must hear it
You come closer
The indifference gone from your face
Love...Passion...Repentance
I hear the beating
Thundering in my own ears
My love for you
You are closer
You put your head on my chest
Your tears wet my blouse
I run my hands through your hair
As I whisper…
“Listen…
My Tell-Tale heart 
Is still beating for you!”

Eileen Manassian Ghali

Losing Grip of Reality Chapter 1

Why am I losing grip of reality? Tragedy cuts me like a knife
Trying with my might to believe…that peace will prevail
That God’s Rain can relieve the heartaches of life…and eventually, it will drown away the strife…
Ashes are floating in the sky…
The ashes of our love
The ashes of our love
I treasured it…
Now, I’m crowned with regret...blushing blue
Breaking bit by bit
Honestly, upset…I want the best for you

Reminded of the past when I should be the future
Tortured by the voices in my head
Tortured by the voices in my head
They whisper lies in my head
They whisper lies in my head
In the dead of night,
I feel like you are so far away from my reach
After a rainstorm, there is a rainbow
After a rainstorm, there is a rainbow
Easily led astray by the mindset of “I don’t care”
All I do is drift away…as the music scars my heart

I don’t see you, dreamily going along your way
My dream is to be the happiest guy…and make it in life
I’m going through yet another phase of yesterday
What’s worse – my soul is shattered cuz it’s brittle in your hands

Reminded of the past when I should be the future
Tortured by the voices in my head
Tortured by the voices in my head
They whisper lies in my head
They whisper lies in my head
In the dead of night,
I feel like you are so far away from my reach
After a rainstorm, there is a rainbow
After a rainstorm, there is a rainbow
Easily led astray by the mindset of “I don’t care”
All I do is drift away…as the music scars my heart

Its delicateness has transformed into this…miserable mess
Wipe the crimson from your lips and sift away your fury
Immediately, you and I stride away into the nostalgic night
Complexion has masked my desires for sonorous singing…quit your straying
Astonished by your magnificence…your mesmerizing 
Conspicuously, you flatter me with your swaying…quiet yourself and keep on praying
Craving your stinging stinginess…I shudder, making up my mind quickly – your outlandish nature is hypnotizing  
Disengage yourself from your pleasurable passions
And your misleading fashions…
Elated by your excitable exuberance                     
Solemn silence intensifies and time flies

Premium Member Directors cut Cad Jax Spoken Word Vid Shoot

(Lights dim, a single spotlight illuminates the speaker. A beat drops, subtle and rhythmic.)
 Cad Jax. Yeah, that name hummed with the city's pulse, a neon flicker in the back alley of your mind/
 (A slight snap of the fingers)
 He was Mr. Flow, man, pure, uncut man on the go/
 Had a ride that whispered promises of asphalt freedom, a chrome-plated whisper stretched long and low, hungry for the open road/
 (The beat intensifies slightly)
 The ladies dug him/ dug the swagger, the glint in his eye that held secrets and late-night passion with no  promises/
 His pockets? fuhgeddaboudit overflowing with Franklin’s fat with the green whisper of possibility/
 Dough, man, he swam in it/
 (A pause for emphasis)
 Superfine cloths, silk that dripped like honey, tailoring sharp enough to cut glass/
 Diamond rings, catching the light like stolen stars, flashing a message/ I made it/
 Alligator shoes, gleaming menacingly, pacing the concrete jungle. And that cane… that skull walkin' cane, bone-white ivory grin, a silent companion, a reminder of where he came from/ or to beat you down dead/
 (Voice deepens, a hint of grit)
 Man, this cat was a knockout/ women said he took your breath away and left you dizzy/
Grown men were envious and had a strange kind of respect for Cad Jax/

 He always had the game/ knew the angles like a pool shark, saw the weaknesses, and played the hand he was dealt with a surgeon's precision and a hustler's heart/
 (Beat shifts, a darker undertone)
 Cad Jax grew up hustlin' down in the gut of the hood. flippin’ cards, shootin’ dice, sellin' a high/
Runnin' numbers... for downtown Mick/ a web of loyalty and betrayal, a delicate dance with the devil/
He was never far from the clatter of a movie soundtrack to broken dreams and desperate hopes/
 Low-down funky dope bars, reeking of cheap whiskey and regret, the soul-jazz organ crying in the corner/ that was his young life but never behind bars/
 (Voice lowers, almost a whisper)
 Cad Jax… he was in the flow, alright. but even the strongest current can drag you under/ like quicksand all around you/
 and the city? The city will always remember the legend, Mr. Dynomite Cad Jax…
© Tony Adamo  Create an image from this poem.

The Joker

In the glare of a stalking spotlight, impulsively he moves 
As his eyes adjust to the mystery of the darkness beyond  
His animated monologue flows with fervent idioms sweet 
As a vintage wine its bouquet smooth and bold, and fraught
With the appreciation of an applauding audience

As his pacing intensifies so do the decibels of infectious
Laughter and for a moment in the solitude of his ebullient 
Soul this escape from his own reality is painless, and his 
Stage is now his only world 

And on the podium of life the melancholy in the verses of 
His poetry and the songs of his heart tell their own 
Profound story, of a man embedded in the fabric of those who 
Accentuated his quest to proliferate the virtue that is love 

As his persona evolved through the episodes of being 
Many knew him but knew him not 
And when the social furor of onerous times beckoned 
This panacea of the distressed responded with a luminous 
Heart the consummate giver that he was 

And when he rode the night the winds told him their stories
The stars guided him with their twinkle and the moon blessed 
Him with love, he was not alone 
The epitome of friendship was at his side as he exposed his 
Soul unclothed his conscience, and returned counsel to his 
Friend 

As I remember him, I feel his presence and tears fill somber
Eyes and memories abound of the age of impulsive energy
Where his unbridled capacity for humor was honed, resulting 
In the hilarious skillful and insightful stand-up routines 
That flowed so effortlessly 

And in the animation of the sprit I see his face and though 
Not a word is uttered and no good byes are said the silence 
Speaks and in the aftermath of a solitary teardrop kissing 
A daunted cheek a smile is born
How I wish we could ride the night one more time again 

But the lights have gone dim, and the audience has applauded
For the final time, and he has left his stage on his way to a 
Command performance in the sky
This Joker this man of many visions now gone with many secrets 
Of the night was my friend 



Earl S. Jackson 
April 2007



Copyright © 2009 Earl S. Jackson, all rights reserved.


Poison

Its just one feeling, a simple normal emotion; ....Every one feels it, I think.....But I can’t help this chill from crawling up my spine.... Implanting poisonous fear deep within my mind.....It spreads viciously to every nerve telling me it’s won; you’ve won....... ..Your words strike fires in the recesses of my thoughts; ....Even the slightest spark from it scorches and burns images and memories into my skin like a scarlet carving still raw with every memory. ....Thoughts of you consume claiming hostile takeover;....So when I say your love burns, you better believe its true! ....I even gag at the simplest thought of you, ....Imagine what your words do. ...... ..I hate you! But I can’t seem to forget you, ....Your memories are my poison the dagger in my back,.... Your touch stings of acid burning my flesh upon contact. ....Your lies have always won you freedom,....But you’ve run out of lies to tell,.... I’ve written them down upon his big Black book;.... God knows each and every word, now tell me who’s got who?...... ..You’re my fear in 3D, the monster in my head.....Your love is despicable a forced injection in my veins..... Burning,stabbing deep with in, ....I yearn to beat it, to control it, but you wont let me.you’re the disgusting infection under my skin!....Your own personal weapon of just three mortifying words,....Words that twist and snake there way through all walls and barriers,....Words that stop at nothing, not even “NO”..... ....  I fight to be rid of you; Denial is my strongest weapon,....But distance keeps me free! ....The pain just intensifies with each lie I tell to me;....Each night your near I’ll smile hidden deep in side my lies,.... You’ll never see me cry!...... ..You think you’ve won! You think I’m weak! ....Just because at each punch I turn the other cheek, ....One day I’ll beat the burn, I’ll put out your Poisonous flame!...... .. Each day I’ll tell my self the same sick lies:....“He doesn’t love you! It’s all a lie! Some day he’ll pay! Perhaps he’ll die”....So I’ll hide in the safety of my friends,....I’ll ignore you and your poison until I know I’ve beaten it!  ....That way you’ll know you’re wrong,....I’m strong!

Death Is Too Boring

"Why keep fighting to breathe to live?"
Young girl ask the old man.
He been laying on this bed for five years now
each dawn he get more frail
smaller
the pain intensifies...
But his eyes remains as clear as the azure skies.
He motions his great granddaughter to draw the curtains
slowly
half a step a time
he make his way to the window and push them wide
"Princess" He calls her
"I have lived more decades than i bargained for.
I have seen wars and birth of nations
Cradle of Civilization and discovery of technology
and this thing going around,revolution you call,i have bore witness to."
His shaky hand reach for the cuppa on the table
after two three mellow sips he continuous.
"I have loved and been adored
Cherished as i have been treasured
hurt as much as i have been harmed
rejected as much as i been dejected
judged as much as i have been mis-quoted...
I have tasted and own world's most exotic flavors
I have taken risks and build empires that will live more than any of you
I have caved a name that your generations will forever ride on
I have walked in the wilderness and a left a trail where others will follow..."
"I have done,experienced,seen and have it all."
He clench his toothless jaw that runs a crease on his face
"Your mother think i have lived too long."He laments
And to you my little dove, am another burden.
You are all eager to see me gone
you pray my lungs will fail me anytime soon."
He spits on the ground,then shoot the young lady a disgusting look
"Why i keep living?i keep breathing?i keep fighting?
I have but a phrase for an answer."
"DEATH IS TOO BORING."
Haha!
He lets out a mean laugh that echoes down the hallway
followed by a long rough dry cough
"Not to today Mr.Death,not today."
He sit back and continue to enjoy the ambrosia.
He has seen another spring,
he awaits the summer,the fall and the winter after that!

And so in Grandpa's words
i find a lesson i shall forever keep
to fight the hollows of each night for a new day
to make each breath count while i still have my being
and to keep on keeping on living
because somewhere down the horizon 
in the dark shadows of the sun
death lurks.
And like grandpa says
DEATH IS TOO BORING!
Form: Narrative

The Art of Loving You

Monet


Come with me, let us rekindle love –
walk with me over bridges aglow
while rivers magically glisten below.
If you hold my hand, 
perhaps, we might spy a magpie
perched from a snowy sky and as night
stirs, then shifts from a full-swing soiree 
into muted memories of still life,
I might fear darkness less 
than when I am alone and adrift.
If you remember, the city lights 
are more beautiful when it rains softly, 
but a stormy night without you
takes me by surprise every time.

Tonight, let me be your Camille,
allow me to inspire the artist in you,
if for nothing more than conversation
or passionate admiration. You and I 
can chase Pegasus, watch him gallop 
across mystical skies in motion,
wings spanning our unabridged story
in unison till we flow into flaxen dawn
of illumination in golden-blues.
Are you only an impression of yesterday's
tearful adieu or more?   

Without you, my melancholy song will rise 
like smoke puffing from rooftop chimneys.
In an enlightened city, I hear music 
from the spirited streets. It haunts me 
and still intensifies my desire for love.
When you are gone, I can smile and even laugh
sometimes, but I cannot hide 
the pale hues of sorrow in my eyes.
My Monet visions of sunrise awakened by 
the warmth of your breath in whispers of morn
will dull to grays when again, you go away.

Tomorrow, I will be left to ponder 
my worth, my suffering, my vulnerabilities,
all the colors of my world
while I chase shadows in the sun,
always searching for the perfect one –
a balance of light and dark,
of missing you too much and not enough.
Chase your dreams while I chase time,
infinite turmoil from a speared sky, 
and days will remember to turn to night.

Even long after I die,
skies above us will dance in starlight
for someone else’s eyes. Until then,
the perfect shadow may be my own
next to yours, no matter the source of light.
But as I learn to pace footsteps alone,
reaching from a canvas brushed in strokes  
of my own light, like stars,
I am loving you from afar.


Written 7/19/20

Fall Apart

I desperately want to fall apart
Yet something keeps me going
And the role of a martyring heart
Is not something I wanted knowing.

To me you opened up infinity of topics,
The bowl of pleasure you filled up.
I didn't want to but turned out to be myopic
And fail to explain what's in my cup.

Pure sensations of both a soar and a loss,
I fell into this long and dear dream.
The settlement is due when I wake up, my boss
Is yet again my heart, that's what I mean.

Self identity, anxiety, fairy tales,
Regret, creativity, content, euphoria of being,
You are undoubtedly the best of males!
Self worth and peace within for the time being.

Accepting me for what I am is priceless
Yet why without you it's oh so hard?
I know the power of my mind is limitless
Yet oftentimes I feel as if a retard.

I want to walk the street of life
With loving self, content and passion.
So why the dark? The damp? And knife
Of pain is choking me? My skin is ashen.

The pain abates and then intensifies again,
It'd be so nice to cry. No tears. Thievery.
Now tell me how do I go on? "Do not depend!"
It'd be too easy. But there comes another reverie... 

Your face, your hands, your voice and skin,
They glow in my imagination.
We can't be a couple. We're too akin.
My brain and soul got inflammation.

I put back on full suit of armor.
I stand, I faint, try to fight the nausea
Perhaps it does not at all exist, this harbor...
Sweet pain. And I am left with my insomnia.

My dear torturer, if you are toxic,
I would for sure intoxicate myself again.
I'm oh so craving your sweet toxin. 
It blurs and stirs my body up with pain. 

This crazy lassitude I crave and cannot bear,
It's agonizing and therefore a bliss. 
Evolution's problems land on my shoulders with despair
I search for answers - yet another miss. 

I smear my life again with painful failures,
I ache but strive inside for burning ingle.
My needs and pain are elaborately tailored.
Yes I am absolutely mad for emotional tingle.
Form: Lyric

Nightmares

I've had my fair share of nightmares, traumas and ghosts

But the latter one is which hinders me the most

Ghosts of the future, the present and ghosts from the past

Ghosts that by now, their haunting it should not last

Most of them are invisible and are hard for me to see

But despite all that they cripple and bind me

The pain intensifies, the loneliness still surrounds

I cry invisible tears because there's no one around

I'll smile and say yes that things are grand

but deep down inside I'm dying in the quick sand

I retrace my steps, take a look at my past

To try to understand how this loneliness amassed

When I was younger I wouldn't have imagined this my state

I would have argued the decision and put forward my debate

They say weeping may endure for a night, joy comes in the morning

But all I get after a restless night, is more despair with no warning

I pray for a change, but doubt steps in and wipes my hopes away

I allowed my fear to break me down like some rotten clay

The frustration, the nausea, the lack of self-belief

Has left me feeling, I suppose emotionally weak

But yet day after day when I think I won’t survive

My heart is still beating and my eyes glimpse a new day that’s arrived

I'm always being told that I'm strong and my valley I can face

And that important achievements I gain I deem as commonplace

Instead of walking by faith, I chose to walk by sight

I didn't trust in God’s power, I chose to trust my own might

I decided didn’t need my spiritual armour, to the battle I went bare

And as for the two edged sword, when I looked in my hand it wasn’t there

Instead of being the head, I suddenly became the tail

Then I wonder why sometimes my problems they still prevail

I’m told I am above, yet I chose to live beneath

And to the Lord my situation I did not bequeath

Yes I’ve had my fair share of nightmares, traumas and ghosts

As the future approaches, living in the past you can see me float
Form: Rhyme

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