All Day Long

All. Day. Long. I sit there, in my chair, All. Day. Long. Glaring at people I hate. The people who are but mere memories. Mere dust in the wind. All that I know has blown away, taken by my faulty actions. The dull replay of Meteora fills my room with lyrical insanity, tempting me with beat and anger. But I’ve realised it’s not the music that’s dull. It’s myself. I am dull. Dull, empty, detached, dead. My actions have caused this, my mental instability. My arms and wrists, they’re crisscrossed with faint pink patterns, the product of my attempts at reattachment and relief. Eternal smiles of violet beneath my eyes, wrinkles surround my lips. My skin, yellow from the drugs, reflects weakly the sunlight from outside. I blame everyone but myself, my personality rotten to the core. My lungs, as well, shredded by smoke that acted like needles. I couldn’t help myself, I jest in my mind. I’ve been trying to shove the blame onto something but myself, only to find there is nothing to blame but myself. My body has been wracked to this state, a state well beyond my mere 29 years. My mind, hanging from a cliff. Threatening to free fall at any moment. As I sit there, in my chair, memories of an age long gone from my life flash before my eyes. A girl I loved, laughing. Her and I lying in the grass, at a lake’s edge. A cat akin to night, eyes green as mine, purring softly in my lap. Flashes of guns, from a war forgotten by all but me. As I reminisce these memories, a spark of feeling—pain. Upwelling in my gut. Through my chest. Stabbing into the side of my head. The pain triggers a new wave of recollection. Again, the girl. My mind so foggy I can’t remember her name. Dancing slowly to a song no longer heard of. Snow. A blush of the cheeks. Hands in mine, warming and comfortable. The pain in my head intensifies, blinding me. I fall from my chair, the first time I’ve moved all day. In 2 days. Shaking my head, I pull myself up. Standing, I look around. Another flash of pain, followed by a sensation I’d all but forgotten. Her lips. At dusk. The very first time. I stumble away from an unseen being, crashing into the wall. Blinking my eyes furiously, I right myself. Waiting a moment, I sit back down. And let the dullness take over, the pain ebb away, and the memories to replay. All. Day. Long.