Long I dont know Poems
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I dont know the future and I can't make promises
But honest is what I'll always be and what I feel
Has to be real because when I see them I say to myself
Its all vanity, the reason why I'm yours
Is because the women in the past couldn't handle me
And truth is I probably wasn't ready them
But in this season I'm need of a woman
Who I can follow and lead me
And you're looking like a leader
I'm so eager but also so meek
To see what the future holds for you and me
Many are deceived, even more deceitful
Lust in the spirit has to be by far the most
Powerful gravitational pull but by his grace
I pray this is my last first date
A crucifixion tupe of love is what I wanna taste
Its what I hope to savor
But its always easier said then done
And if I go back in any of this I'm labeled as a hypocritie
The way to my heart is encrypted in the Scriptures
So only when ye seek him first is when you'll
Be able to led by the spirit to love me free from
This temporal prism
judgement stone
my mind is clean
yet am a sinner
yes that is what
am called and seen
they never believe
am a human of my kind
rather if they do
it trouble their minds
to confusion
cos already am less
a human in the mind set
despite am the miracle
they wish to be
judgment stone
free me if you are free
I just want to live
I wish I don't need to fight
for sinners are only but victims
that I wish will exclude us
one day
a dream with too many definitions
no wonder they hate a lion
but respect pulpit
so when we grow with a different
mind set
far from their famous illusion
we either die hard to get it real
and that include their
judgement stone
judgement stone
don't get me far to a world
I dont know
because a lion
dont live in a cage
the world is wild
so I fear Babylon no more
after all what else is to lose
that I have not lost already
living to survive
a great life in a world of illusion
I guess that all intelligent moguls
could afford to offer
to a natural world
no wonder few live while
so many are shadows
now I know why we are
called sinners
isolated with their
judgement stone
judgement stone
trouble me no more
for how many troubles
is enough to be own
In a troublesome world
I wish I was the saviour
but an old man told me
to remember an early grave
it has buried alot brave
so be careful of what
you wish for
so I hide silence
despite the heart bleed
who has a say
cos their is always
another finger on the trigger
theirs is always the gunmen
ready to keep the order
from above
they prefer our hell
while they protect
the heaven of those
pulpit whose aim
are to stone us
always with their
judgement stone
I dont know why
as time
goes on by.
Even if she dont like
me for the rest of my life,
I just want to be by her side
but even if being friends
is the end.
I'll still wish her continue to the best.
i must confess
even though my heart
got left in marks.
I'll just wait in the dark.
I dont know why.
I cant get her out of my mind.
she seem to penetrate
I am speechless in some ways.
Hoping one day
my feelings will be returned.
Even though this pain
starts to hurt
I'll continue to have faith
cause my feelings just won't fade.
What else can i say?
Even if she cant be mine
for valentine's,
I'll continue to be by her side
my friends might think i am stupid
even if it is really the end.....
I'll still continue to wish her the best.
i know i am young
but i think this is call love
even though it not returned
it really does hurt
do you know how it feels?
also will it heal?
type a comment
if you know this lesson
ill appreciate it
After we turned from Africa we first lived in Cornwell and I got a job learning to be a riding instructor with Heather Hunt she was a tough lady to work for but her training was excellent I went on to some excellent jobs mainly in racing stables it was great fun especially when on the gallops just imagine a horse full of spirit fired up beneath you one false move and you would be dust as they threw you off. But us stable hands had lots of fun and some heavy drinking sessions. We moved to the midlands for more land and I ran a horse yard with 32 horses 5 which were my own that I did show jumping and eventing with. I had some success, high light was qualifying for Wembley but I lost in the morning so missed being on telly.
I got married which was a mistake and only lasted five days I knew T had done the wrong thing when in his speech my father said I had been offered a job in Germany at one of the top jumping stables and he had turned it down without telling me first. I sold up and went to London where I had a wild time became one of the few ladies allowed to wear full hell's angels colours.
Next I got involved in the music scene and had some very wild times I was Alex Harvey's partner for nearly 10 years those were fantastic, were really wild years but before him I was down near the recording studios on Denmark Street when a man came called Mike he was with the Bow Street Runners and asked me if my tan was all over I dont know why as I was very shy but answered wouldn't you like to know he took a step backwards and then said yes he would. So we had a steamy one night affair he only went on to become Fleetwood Mac oh yes.
Then I met Dougie Jenkinson and went to Jersey with him and my dog Champ who got us thrown off the camp side when he broke the tent trying to follow us. we ended up on the cliffs in our own tent where we lived for about six weeks cooking over an open fire and using a hotel shower where a friend worked. When we returned to London we decided to go to Scotland and so we hitched with Champ and got there eventually. One night on the way there we were dropped in a village miles from anywhere and it started to pour with rain we took shelter in a church porch overnight was the vicar ever so surprised to find us in the morning but he did give us breakfast.
to be continued
I should be ecstatic, I should have tears of joy shining in my eyes,
But as I watch the ultrasound I feel a gut wrenching pain inside.
I am unable to attach myself to this reality,
I backtrack in time back to our twins.. back to that tragedy.
I find myself gasping within this room with walls that are much to close,
I desperately want this baby but I cannot spark that hope.
I remember vividly being held within your arms shaking,
When they told me our twins hearts had stopped and not faded.
I remember stark pain that tore through me and left my lungs feeling raw.
From the screams that raked through me and how much blood I saw.
I cant touch my stomach without cringing out of fear.
How could i put so much love into a baby who might not join us here...
How can I explain to you that when I held my breath...
I was imaging not giving birth but a stillborn on my chest.
I can't force these lungs to expand under the pressure of my ribs..
To see that look within your eyes there's nothing I wouldn't give.
My love I'm terrified...
I dont know what words to say to make you see
I feel less like my self and there's an emptiness in me.
They call this normal.
It's to be expected.
My body is a barren place where my Hope had been rejected.
I am struggling with the fact I now carry another beating heart...
I don't think I could handle it.. if this baby were to part.
Form:
I know you are in pain,
it's clear to see,
that remain feel beat,
you insult leave hard,
you insult leave whole,
and when acceptance comes,
you'll insult no more,
just don't tell me, I dont know what I vote for,
you can't tell me, leave voters are now unsure,
just know it's true,
despite all that you do,
we are leaving the EU.
You're looking torn apart,
and you act unkind,
there's loss of self pride,
resent me as I am,
say we're damned,
just take the hit with us
our sacrifice,
don't tell me we're done for evermore,
beyond this there are prosperous blue shores,
just know it's true,
as we always do,
we're the first to start new.
Take this hit,
don't forfeit,
carry on,
like our wars won,
there's a new day,
where there's glory,
we'll be fine,
on our own way.
Believe in Britain
(Kipling)
(see if you can take one heap of all your winnings,
and bet it on one game of pitch and toss,
and lose,
and start again at your beginnings,
and never breathe a word about your loss).
((never breathe a word about your loss,
if you don't believe then buck off)).
Democracy won't, see the outcome change
protest petition, let out all your rage,
in Britain we'll unite as one,
the time has come,
side to side we'll stun,
but our pride won't die,
just know it's true,
Britain will come through,
we always do.
come on remain cheer up
a couple of years have past since it began...
another poem to send an amen
this one...full of regret and confusion..
when it all began she was part of the story
but i blocked her from it. she left me in a wake of mourning
the day it happened i always wondered why it began with the whole.
romeo and juliet conclusion...and yin yang symbol.
took 2 whole years to figure out why. 2!
if it wasnt for that angel i would have never remembered her...
it was to painful.
my eyes fill with tears every time i think about it.
she didnt believe i existed......
a spear to the heart. but we had that conversation before i even released my ..destiny i guess.
but im on my way. Another try and Hope.
Tay....i dont know everything but my Hope is that youl see me as i Am...
the White to your Black just as you are my black to my White.
a burden il carry. and with its weight i might be buried.
but i wont give up on something i cant see....but what i feel
and i need you to know...just how real
i pray and wheep as i kneel
something beacons me
and so shall i sail.
I haven't written in a while,
Maybe I couldn't find the words?
More than likely im just sick and tired of never being heard..
I cleaned the house today like an addict on day 2
I just couldnt stop pacing and I desperately needed something to do.
Tomorrow will be worse.
I won't get out of bed.
Consumed with doubt and regret.. intrusive thoughts live rent free in my head.
I'm sure this is normal..
Just as it's meant to be..
Contemplating suicide while telling you how much you mean to me.
I'm exhausted...
I know I'm hard to love and you claim that I'm worth it..
I dont know how to tell you that I wake up feeling worthless...
I take a hot shower and feel each drop cascade down my thighs.
I feel like something is missing...
Why do I feel so empty inside??
I wouldn't kill myself.
I don't think that I could.
No matter how hard it gets or how my mind yells that I should.
But there's something poetic about the word suicide.
Knowing you can close your eyes and leave it all behind.
I'm just rambling I guess.
I let you see inside my mind.
If only you could see things the way I do.
See the world through my eyes.
I havent written in awhile but I guess I found the words.
I got it all out on paper but damn it...
It still hurts.
To my beautiful Daughter and Handsome Son,
Theres a emptiness in my heart and trust me its not Fun.l
I look back over our pictures, and trace the happy days I felt we found.
And now its just a constant silence, no fun, no laughter, no sound.
I thought the love we built together, was safe I believed it to be true,
Like a braided steel cord, connecting me to you.
?My Son.... I remember the day you learned to ride with no training wheels,
And later on watching you being called a "Beast" on the football field.
And my Daughter, with your beautiful heart warming smile?
Made every Karaoke song we sang worthwhile.
Being with You? Made me the proudest Man in the world.
You have always been the truest example of a Daddy's Little Girl!
But now, my babies childhood laughter has faded;
I remember every other Friday feeling so elated.
Now I wait for calls that never come, textes I never see
Seems life has managed to do what I thought was impossible... Keep you away from Me.
I miss your voices, both of you, just an endless ache within my heart.
Its hard knowing that in your lives today? I have no part.
?
I whisper quietly in silence a question I cannot place:
Did I do something wrong back then, to leave this empty space?
I search thru all the memories we made, for words I shouldn't have said,
Did I do something to offend them?
Or did they choose to believe in others instead.
I wish you'd tell me the real reason that caused you to drift away.
All this time I thought I made it clear you could tell me anything on any day.
Holidays and special occasions always sucked unless my children were included.
And now Im not even privy to great things you experience, you make sure I'm excluded
?My beautiful babies I raised are now grown, with lives I cannot see.
But know, wherever you may be? You'll always mean the world to me.
I just wish from time to time you'd check on your old man
Just a quick "hello," I gotta go!
I'll see ya when I can.
Even now when people ask me, how you doing? Hows your kids?
I used to be able to tell them. Now? I just tell them...
"I dont know", their on the go, minding their own Bizz.
One day I hope you tell me what's really going on?
But until then? I'll have no peace. Never imagining this would end up so wrong.
"I Know, but this is Daddy's sad sad song!
Truth isnt what you think today
truth will be true tomorrow too
Truth isnt just what you feel
Its what happened, the facts, the data...
Interpreted truth is our own reality..
Our "rose colored glasses" on life
Psychiatry calls it our "filter" that we interpret the world through...
I dont know how to explain the truth in any simpler terms
To those that dont practice it
I am constantly amazed at the deception and self deception I see
The manipulation and meddleing in others affairs
You gain nothing by bending others to your will... They ususally snap back and are resentful
The truth on that is you can only change yourself...
The Truth... (C) Artimus - Susan Manley 7-19-2005