Long Growing older Poems

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A Writers Mind

Swimming in the deep depths of tales
A place where writers sometimes go 
In urgent need to find themselves
To envision again the writing flow

A place  where words swim like fish
Many are like sirens that sing in bubbles 
   that carries their voices in bliss
Hiding their beauty in the trenches tunnels

All glow shining with inscriptions within
Giving ideas that can create 
A plot for your mind to confine in
That exploit to initiate. 

As you go deeper in the abyss of it's body
It gets darker, colder
Luring you to it's embody
Time is growing older 
As getting closer yet feeling bolder
Enthralled in its ebony shadows shoulder

Now alone with a blank mind
No one can save you this time
It's up to you on how to evade the mine.
It wants you there
Now trapped and soon in need of air
You're falling in despair 
It's calling you but seemingly to not bear!!!

Swimming through is a murky cast
It swims in, at full blast
Stalks you like a shark 
Can't see well it's too dark!!!
Freshly still like a simple bass
It's way too sharply fast
As hoping that good fate
Will make it pass
Or make you it's ideal bait
Maybe even to occasion a special date.

It comes...... It comes!!!

Then silence fills to surround
Yet there's nothing around
With not a speck of sound 
What has happened?
This is all so rapid...
Am I dead in the oceanic's shroud?

Then a source of swirling light
Endows my presence
A feeling so unique in essence 
giving me a sense of no fright
Darkness and fear is now evanescence 
What never was to result in a bad bite.
Now my hands are inspired 
to naturally write
For the seas stories had conspired
To paint in black ink
Giving a talent with passion 
So there's no way for them to sink
But to float like jellies 
With pink flopping bellies
Giving them a sensual attraction
Almost like ballerinas in a stage
That dance with grace 
To the seas gravity with no name or age
Love how well they rhythm in same pace

It's all now coming to me....
And I can see and do I proudly see
In a sweet art masterpiece
That I made it be...
I want to feel it's dew
It's meadow harmony that arches in peace
In the profound beauty of it's blue
The skill I carried and always knew
Was never far from me 
I had to get prompted starting at new
Hey you got this don't worry
Now get on and write your story....
Form: Rhyme


One Father, Two Sons, and the History That Divides Them

Dear Father Abraham,

I Know that Too Much Time has Past, Events Taken, and Choices Made that Forever Changed the Course of History.


I am a Son Not by Birth, but by Adoption, You See I Follow the Teachings of Your Son Yeshua.



A Man Who Came Long Ago, Was Crucified on a Tree between Two Criminals, and was Raised the Third Day, Which Made My Acceptance Possible.


Father I Only ask Now, for without You, I would be destined for an Eternity Separated from God.


The Old Writings State that On That Day You Had Three Visitors, One Whom Resembled The Son of Man, or God Himself.


They Brought Good News that Sarah who had been Barren Till Now Would One Day Have A Son, and You An Heir to Carry On Your Family Name.


Time Passed, and You Both Growing Older with No Fulfillment of the Promise in Sight.


A Choice Was Made to use Hagar as the Possible Vessel for its Fulfillment.


The Result a Beautiful Baby Boy Named Ishmael, Who Grew to be a Wise and Strong Young Man.


All Was Well Till The Fulfillment of Time had Come, and God’s Promise To You and Sarah resulted in a Child also, Who Would be Called Isaac.


Now there exists Two Sons of Abraham, One of Hagar, and the Other Of Sarah, but Both Are Your Seed.


Father Abraham thousands of Years have Passed Now, Since Those Moments In Time, And Much Blood Spilt Pondering the Question Which One is The Rightful Heir?


For Two Great Multitude of People(s) Resulted from Those Choices Made. The Sons Of Ishmael Became the Muslim Race, and the Sons of Isaac Would Become The Israeli or Hebrew.


I Know that as a Gentile I Have No Right to ask, but It was on My Mind.


Looking Back at the Wars Fought,  Blood Spilt, Lives Lost, and Time Spent, Between the Descendants of Your Two Sons.


If You Could Go Back, and make Different Choices, Would You?


Is there Any Way To Bridge the Divide?

There are No Easy Answers, Only More Questions.


I Don’t Know if it is Even My Place To Attempt to ask the Question at a Possible Way Forward?


I Only know From the Outside Looking in, that They Are Both Your Sons, and I a Gentile, don’t Know all the issues, or May Never Completely Understand them, or Have Any Possible Answers.


Father I Wonder What Do You Think?



Sincerely,


A Confused Gentile




Author Paul Cumberbatch (July 30, 2020)

Life and Times of the Manila Folder

Manila folder,
Growing older,
Lying on table,
Watching other files,
Grow bolder,
It was earlier looked upon,
Now ignored,
As if it was dead,
After a bloody gore,
They had submerged in its custody,
A lot many papers and notes,
Carrying dates and events,
About people and of people,
Some body took a decision,
And others left them for future,
It needed for a full view,
Lot of sutures,
Perplexed and seeing its capacity,
They had simply affixed a label,
And left it at storage level,
Years went by in vain,
Lot others joined it in graveyard,
Not for short but pretty long,
Saying has it that every dog has its day,
It so happened that while the manila folder lay gathering dust,
One of the persons not decided upon with in the manila,
Had grown in stature and length,
Either through effort ,luck,relation or lust,
He had reached where he was,
He beckoned all signatures in the manila,
And sought his dues,
If it was not forthcoming,
Then he waved a thick stick,
All signatures rushed to look for manila,
They raised dust and dusted files for long,
Opportunist men got their way,
And having found manila,
Gave a full blooded bay,
As they chuckled in delight,
The 'big man' came around for another fight,
Now they were scared to no end,
And turned the pages of manila,
They frantically looked,
Where they had signed and not,
Where they did not they did,
And some places where they had,
Got it erased,
Manila was theirs,
So what if 'money' was his,
Finally manila was in demand,
And used and gored,
Like a happy whore,
Manila looked askance,
At the door to graveyard,
Where it had spent years in exile,
Before getting this 'exciting while',
Then to top it all,
The Manila had its final big ball,
The day came,
When the big man came to undo his last fall,
He held the Manila lovingly in his palms,
Which were wet and warm,
In anticipation of lot of money caused calm,
His greedy and beady eyes,
Warmed each curve of manila,
As manila coyly smiled unabashedly smiles vanilla,
The swarthy and mean big man,
Saw his words,
Understood them well,
Kept them digested in mind,
Looked disdainfully,
At frightened signatures,
And voila! Tossed the manila folder,
From where he stood,
Back in graveyard to grow older.

Juliet, Thank You

Isn't it funny how much things change
Isn't it funny how much we crave the things
that never turn out right
like how for 11 years
we crave growing older, growing up
to finally realizing
there's these sets of rules and stupid handbooks 
we have to read and follow
read and obey
How did they conceal it so well from us
internet videos and tv screens? 
Good to know...
But one thing I've known to never change
no matter how combative I became
no matter how many tempers flared and we became unaware
no matter how the passing of time
kept us further and further apart
Juliet, I've always had you at my side
Juliet, You were always the one to pick me up
Juliet, somehow you always found a way
to see something better in me
when all I saw in my self were battle scars 
and a pile of dust
Juliet, Juliet
how do you do it
stay so cheerful and optimistic
Juliet, Juliet
how do you smile so often and say it's okay
I'm just the lover
I guess I'll never understand
just doomed to wonder
Juliet, Juliet
We have said Forever and Always
Always and Forever
I'm never taking it back
but Juliet, Juliet
I don't know if I'll ever say it
when your hands are within mine
but Juliet, Juliet
I can't promise anything
or leave anything behind
I'm behind schedule in my plans
and what I hoped to accomplished
I've been stuck in a rut
since the last time 
I said, 'Hey I'm on my way'
Juliet, Juliet
I'm tangled up in you
and my eyes speak to you everyday
that I love you
No matter what
it will never change or fade
just promise me, promise me
in acoustics or in a calm gentle tone
say that you feel the same
I don't know what I'm trying to say
guess I'm swept up in the emotion
of hitting rock bottom again
for I remember everytime
you force a laugh from my voice
force a smile upon my lips
and then I turn out fine for awhile
until your face disappears from my gaze
then square one comes back to be my home
Oh well, it happens
well only to me...
anyway I just wanted to say thank you
for always staying with me
for always just being you
for always looking as gorgeous as you do
I don't know...I don't know
but these words know it for me
Thank you
Always and Forever
Forever and Always

Butterfly

I’m just a little caterpillar
That’s all I’ll ever be 
Sometimes I like to dream
That I could be a bee

What a joy it would be 
To fly higher than a tower
Or when I’m feeling lazy
Settle down on a yellow flower

BUT I’m not 

Im just a little caterpillar 
That’s all I’ll ever be
Sometimes I wish I could be a …..
Magnificent Cheetah!

Sprinting through the savannah
At 75 miles per hour
A blur of tan and black spots
It’s like a super power!

BUT I’m not

Im just a little caterpillar
That’s all I’ll ever be 
Sometimes I like to imagine 
That I could be a dragon

Living on a cloud
Breathing fire through the night
High above the ground
That would be a sight

BUT I’m not

Im just a little caterpillar 
That’s all I’ll ever be
OWWWW!!!! A sharp pain inside
I think I’m going to go and hide

Building a barrier between me and the world
Now the pain has turned into an ache
I’ve got to finish
Before my heart breaks

I’m all alone and on my own
Trapped inside this little space
With no one to see my fear.
Wishing I could feel your warm embrace

You left me deserted
With my faith slowly dwindling down.
No one to boost me up
No one to help me be found

Darkness is all I see
My tears is all I feel
My sobbing is all I hear
“Grandma” is all I can squeal

Every minute I’m growing older.
Every second becoming more claustrophobic.
But, no one’s around me
No one will notice

Panic hits me all of the sudden.
What if I can’t escape?
I’ll be trapped all by myself
Like an isolated ape

Then I remember your favorite song
A Child's Prayer, Oh how you used to sing
You used to always tell me 
“Pray, and God will help you with anything”

I kneel down on my knees
And begin to pray
“Please, help me with the pain
Help me get out of here today.”

I raise my head and look up
Something is twinkling up above
Light!!! There’s a crack in the wall
With all my force I give it a shove

I'm free!!!!
Them I realize something strange
I can’t even believe what I see.
I’ve changed…

I’m just a little caterpillar
But, that’s not what I’ll always be
Because now I’m a beautiful butterfly
Much better than a bee.


Graduation

We will read like our lives depended on it
Because to many of us, we assumed it did 
And then we will pass, or fail or sit on the fence 
Regardless, we will graduate 
What happens next? 

We'll trudge home, the bitter sweetness of it all clawing at our hearts 
Many of us will jump or scream or cry or all of the above 
And it will take a while before we finish the next phase of education 
It will take a while before we sort ourselves out 

There will be loud times 
Times of lively bodies, with tranquillity only being a distant memory 
Times of 9 to 5s creating a storm in our minds to match our bodies 
And we may not be able to explain
Explain the storms we feel 

We will claw at our hearts and heads 
Trying to rearrange the pieces 
Trying to make it all make sense 
And it will take a long time 

At many points we may feel we finally got it 
The job, the house, the dreams 
But that is when we will realize we are changing 
When we begin to speak a little louder and walk a little prouder 
We may not initially understand just how fast we are growing 

Until the world falls silent 
And we are left at peace with ourselves, God
 And whatever rags we dragged along the way 

Until we begin to accept the things we used to run away from 
And reject those we held so close 
We will have many bandages and scars 
Making us look like we are newly wounded 
When in reality, our wounds are just beginning to heal 

Until we are not afraid to fall short 
Just as much as we are not afraid to succeed 
Accepting every part and fibre or our being 
That we were once told to despise or be ashamed of 

Until we gradually fall into the grace of growing older 
When we try to piece our lives together like a giant puzzle 
Reminiscing the good and the bad 
Rehearsing the tales we will tell our children and grand children 

Until many many years later, our bodies sink into the ground 
Just the same way so many more will 
And all that is left is the shadow of the life we lived 
And the invaluable footsteps we left in the sands of time 

That's when everything will all make sense 
The beginning, the journey, the destination

The Mirror

In front of the mirror I stand, staring at my reflection. I have changed so much over the last few years. My face had smoothed out and most of my wrinkles had disappeared.

It seems like it was only yesterday that I awoke to the sound of soil being removed; then the feeling of being hoisted into the air and then a journey to somewhere.

Once there I could hear singing and then someone droning on. The lid of my coffin was lifted and light flooded in. One after another the faces of my loved ones passed by staring down on me. I wanted to hug them, but not yet for I could not as yet move. That would come a bit later.

More journeys and more stops until I found myself in a hospital bed. It was there, surrounded by all my loved ones, that with a sudden gasp that I took my first breath and life slowly entered me.

My thoughts returned to the present. I had so much life to look forward to. In only a few years will be my wedding and then I will be a single woman.

A delicious thought crossed my mind. There were so many boys and dating to look forward to. Once I reached my teenage years there will be the innocent fumbles and that first kiss.

There is also childhood and all the games that involves. Falling out of a tree and learning to ride a bike. Then when I get young enough learning to walk, there is so much excitement to look forward to in my future.

My eyes come back to me in the mirror and a crazy thought crosses my mind. What if that me lived in a world where time went in reverse. What if in that world you were born out of the womb and grew older.

What if you came out of your mother and you were a baby growing older and eventually you became old and went to the grave, to stay there forever.

I shook my head, what a crazy, idiotic, fanciful notion. Everyone knows that you are formed from the dust and come out of the grave. You grow young and eventually you go into your mother’s womb to reduce to nothingness. To return to … no-one knows.

With a slight chuckle I left the other me, the one in the mirror. Yet I admit, I do wonder what she might have been thinking as she looked at me.

Premium Member Land of Forever Youth Part Two

smiling with so much love 
he kissed her gently 
on the lips 
holding her 
in his arms 
as he was leaving 
blowing her a kiss 
promising to return shortly 
jumping on the white horse 
smiling waved to her 
heading across the sea 
to the land 
of his birth 

soon the white mares hooves 
touched upon Irish soil 
Oisin began to see 
how much the land 
with everything around 
it had changed 
all his family 
also his friends 
had passed away 

no longer was there 
a grand castle 
instead it was completely 
covered in ivy 
almost in ruins 
he was so caught up 
in his emotion 
with heavy feelings 
of grief deep down inside 
he forgot to care 
for the beautiful white horse 

in spite of her hunger and fatigue 
she continued to respond 
to her riders request 
with a sad and lead heavy heart 
he turned towards the sea 
to head back to his love 
in Tir Na Nog 

as he was approaching 
the sea 
he came across 
a group of men 
working in the fields 
as the mare reached the group 
in her fatigue 
she began to stumbling 
clipping her hooves of a stone 
he bent down 
to pick up a rock 
planning to take it with him 
to Tir Na Nog 
as a keepsake 
full sure it would help ease his sadness 

taking a little piece 
of his homeland 
back with him 
but as his hand 
grasped the stone 
loosing his balance 
falling to the ground 
within moments 
he began aging 300 years 
without her rider 
the horse reared 
on her two front legs 
rushed towards the ocean 
returning to Tir Na Nog 
to her beloved Niamh 

as the men in the fields 
they witnessed this 
their eyes wide with amazement 
at first they saw 
a young man 
before their eyes 
transforming growing older 
they also saw 
an old plow horse 
changing as it neared the sea 
into the most beautiful 
silver white mare 
that they had ever seen 

as the came men walked across 
to Oisin's aid 
they carried this 
a feeble white haired old man 
to St Patrick 
when Oisin met St Patrick 
he began telling him 
about his family and his Fianna friends 
whom had disappeared 
300 years before

Premium Member Only Time To Burn

Meg often told Josh
to try to be less reckless
but Josh had panache
when dealing with dangerous
too often being feckless

since days of sixth grade
their hands often intertwined
Meg and Josh displayed
how their main wants were aligned
though to harm Josh was purblind

Meg off to college
while Josh acquired war knowledge
strife without stoppage
where fears must be acknowledged
sympathy soon abolished

is no safe return
for what's lost along the way
only time to burn
no matter what others say
may come no brighter new day

when Twin Towers fell
Josh had rushed off to enlist
Meg's life went to hell
Josh’s words now like a hard fist
boy she'd known didn't exist

the world keeps turning
no matter how hard we pray
or strength of yearning
for that which was yesterday
tomorrow can be stone gray

forward observer
to Afghanistan he's sent
his own preserver
living in wind torn pup tent
letters described his descent

first months Meg worried
next mission Josh would be dead
their future buried
Josh's letters fill her with dread
terror lies in what's now read

tis time which smolders
forever change is churning
both growing older
with each thing Meg is learning
worry won't stop time burning

hold tight to your soul
into the void it may go
longing digs deep holes
upsetting the status quo
mixing up who's friend and foe

tick-tock does not stop
until tense mainsprings unwind
now their ball shall drop
just before ties will them bind
leaving little peace of mind

what scares Meg most
not if Josh is still alive
with return now close
Meg's uncertain she'll survive
what's become a nosedive

measuring last breathes
some things become worse than death
stolen by time's thieves
what we still want to believe
before we can start to grieve

dreading Josh's return
Meg would now prefer to hide
only time to burn
their fate's unwilling new bride
now caught on the same strange ride

only time to burn
while human emotions churn
withal yet we yearn
our ought-to-bes make downturns
changes cannot be returned
© Ng Rippel  Create an image from this poem.
Form: Tanka

Many Things

I can do a lot of things and do them well, always have. 
This what I have been asked I fear I cannot do . . . 
What’s more important in this is how I no longer wish to. 

I can do many things and do them well, always have. 
These are my feelings and they run deeply across my soul. 
Woe to me I say because I know its over and drawing near. 
There lies before me a future full of agony of longing unrelenting. 

I can do many things and do them well, always have. 
There is one thing left for me to do and I cannot. 
Will I continue on I have been asked, 
Continue going I’m asked and I cannot do it anymore! 
I can’t keep going for much longer, if at all . . . 
How long am I supposed to go without hope, without anything at all . . ? 

I can do many things and do them well, always have. 
This what I have been asked to do I cannot do . . .
Will you understand when I’m gone and I know you wouldn’t 
For the blame you would place across your shoulders and why . ? 
It’s my life, this is my life and that’s the joke . . right? 
Yeah, as if this is living, as if this is even a pale reflection of life at all!! 
I don’t want this life anymore, I’m sick of it . . . 
No more do I pray for happiness that will never come, 
Instead I pray to close my eyes and never awaken again. 

I can do many things and do them well, always have. 
Please God spare me from growing older, from living at all, 
Please take my soul for I am done with this life without . . . 
Just let me sleep forever, for there is nothing left for me . . . 
Life is empty, meaningless, hollow and all faded away, 
There is no colour left in my eyes anymore, ever again! 
Just agony, just agony . . . 
God won’t give me this prayer I know, instead 
God will grant me an eternity of suffering, 
For she’s never done anything to answer my prayers before. 
Save fill my life with pain, suffering 
And horrible oceans of misery that I drown in every waking moment of this . . . 

I can do many things and do them well, always have. 
I cannot live without . . . I just can’t . . . I . . .

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