Long Funny life Poems
Long Funny life Poems. Below are the most popular long Funny life by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funny life poems by poem length and keyword.
Through the erotic alleyways
of dim set lamppost light,
smoky the figure struts on by
to catch the last bus of the night.
It's gone past eleven,
and it's down grim lucks drive,
but she'd've danced till dawn
swimming in any old dive-
Off goes the lady of liquor,
toes screeching to be a little quicker,
Her blisters cry to green sleeves
But she daren't try paddling in hazer's heap.
And she is in presence of charm
by tweens and men offering her arm.
They serenade her beauty in heckled praise:
"Your dead fit- give us a gob-job la"
and with a hickup she giggles,
and coyly flutters her stuck on eyes.
Oh the seductive sound of chavs zipper
that to her delight moonlight flicker
gives a hint to their gift like that of the ripper.
She passes by,
oh those gentle pricks of enticement-
the serenade fading to silence,
meeting her backed against the wall.
Nervous she presses her dress to her stomach,
blushing she takes her other hand
seductively pressing it on her lips and down her throat.
He grabs her wrist and thrusts his surprise toward it,
she bows her head in submission,
taking a firm grip-
she lurches and twists.
"There you go" she legs it.
(This is a fictional poem)
You hit the sauce every night and you get drunk.
When this happens, you turn into a punk.
You become intoxicated and then you challenge people to fight.
You think you can win but they always punch out your lights.
A man beat you up when you pinched his wife's butt and I'd never seen so much
blood.
When you tried to fight my friend, I kicked your ### and threw you in some mud.
As you laid in the mud, you started crying.
If I said that you took it like a man, I'd be lying.
When you get drunk, you stagger and you fight like a slug.
You've spent so much time on the floor that you ought to be a rug.
Form:
Here lies a fickle mind: Death finally decided for her
**for Andrea's Poetic Epitaph contest :)
haha! I Just HAD to enter this because I am Soo fickle minded,
I have so many lines which I want to enter here, I am going to be
conceited and pretend I have a lot to choose from ^_~
I can't choose one Unique Line, so NP (as in No Problem! hahaha!)
anyways, I find this unique in a sense that I thought of this line in seconds,
just *boom* like that when I saw Andrea's blog about epitaphs, I hadn't even
thought of entering this initially, but I just Loved it so much ^_^
I dread phoning businesses,
I dread phoning the store.
No real people answer.
Those days are no more.
Press one for English,
two for French, if you please.
No real human contact
for my queries to ease.
Press three for your balance.
Press four to complain.
Press five to start over.
These calls are a pain.
I pay more for my cable
than seems really fair
but I like that when I call
there are real people there.
My biggest pet peeve
is when the automated voice
calls me at my home
then gives me the choice,
press one for English,
two for French, if you please.
Press four and we'll connect you
with telemarketers overseas.
Automated phone calls
are as annoying as hell.
I just hate what has happened
to Dear old Ma Bell.
Are you listening? Open your ears
For this is to be read aloud it needs your voice
Because it can not speak on its own...
This is a poem that I'll call a slam
One day I was feeling quite queazy
But had much shopping to do being breezy
No! I will not let a little gassy, nausea stop me
Chewing two tritalac which helps with that gas
It works by pushing all that gas down and outting
Easing the digestive track...A little walking
You know like that morning constitutional
Helps to eliminate all the problems that are institutional
It must have been those beans in that Chili
They got down there and fermented really
Well I went to the garden center at Wally
You know Wally-World and thought that I would look around
There was not a soul or a sound around the grounds
Everything was quiet on the selling front..Not one of the personnel
To talk to or a customer ....I had this place all to myself
With those beautiful plants looking absorbed in the beauty
What is that over there...Let me go look
Concentrating..all alone
Gas moving moving in one great big
Bubble___ pootttttttttttttt
Looked up ...the man I never saw well he laughed.......HAAAAAAAAAAA!
Rolling in the floor laughter....
Embarrassed! Well, I'll let you decide...
(Well is this a slam!)
I made this poem in middle school. :D There was more to it, but I can't remember much anymore sadly... :(
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My mother was an ostrich, my father was a squirrel
My boyfriend fell in love with another lovely girl
I’m trying to stay sober, I’m trying to stay clean
My teachers all are angry and my boss is very mean
I woke up in the dumpster, my money was all gone
It was better than the time when I woke up on the lawn
I got raped by a turkey, went out with a snail
I never get good letters, just death threats and blackmail
My cat pissed in my backpack, my brother’s humping chairs
I choked on a tic tac, Grandma pushed me down the stairs
I j-walked way too much, I finally ended up in jail
My parents will not help me—it’s a thousand dollar bail!
My mom is flipping out, my dad is mad again
And Grandma is upset because, well, Grandpa—he likes men…
On my thirteenth birthday, he taught me how to shoot
He pushed me off an airplane, without a parachute!
I thought my life was over, but then I heard people clap
I pulled myself up …I was lying in cow crap.
There were monsters all around me, I thought I was alone
But then I realized the dreaded truth: I was only back at home
Saturday garage sale- moving to an old heritage apartment,
Years of collecting, but lots must go, even things of contentment.
Two china cabinets, one from Mom, one Grandma, they bring a smile,
Perhaps, I can somehow keep them in wall to wall old china cabinet style.
As I go through my many things and stuff, I say why did I ever get that,
Clothing gothic, retro and vintage lace, shoes, handbags, jewelry and hats.
A broken and battered filing cabinet- it holds poetry written from my heart,
Need a new filing system for sure, should I sell, NO we can never be apart.
Vases and vases, colorful and quite dusty in my window, quite useless,
Porcelain dishes in my cupboards for years, lost in forgetfulness.
Old VHS movies, watched, outdated music and just loads, tons of stuff,
How does one say goodbye, garage sale Saturday, oh this will be so rough.
I think, I should hang on sign on myself, reading broken heart, for sale,
well suck it up as Grandma used to say and lets have a grand old garage sale.
_________________________
September 8, 2012
Poetry/Couplet/Broken Heart, For Sale
Copyright Protected, ID 09-419-262-09
All Rights Reserved, 2012, Constance La France
Written for the Standard contest, A Poet's Garage Sale
sponsor, A Skat, Judged 10/23/2012
Ninth Place
Submitted to the Standard contest, Any Couplet You Wish II
sponsor, Laura Loo, Judged
First Place
Give me one last fling, let my spirit roam
Before they take me to the county home
When I was young, wild and hearty
I never missed a single party
So many women and the memory lingers
Thought we were dancing till she stepped on my fingers
Walked for miles looking for an all night bar
That;s when I remembered that I had my car
Climbing home, hand rails killing my back
Last time I'll walk along a railroad track
I guess my night has taken its' toll
Now my arms are wrapped around a toilet bowl
It might be my time, but it ain't the place
Where someone's had their butt, now I got my face.
Tried not to disturb, was quiet as a mouse
Then a voice behind me said ,"You're in the wrong house."
Not knowing where I was sure gave me a fright
But I'll do it again come Saturday night.
Got to enjoy every freakin' moment!
This is for all those who are trying to survive whatever traumas they've been put through. Please take care and be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time, space, compassion, forgiveness, self-care and self-love. Blessings.
Live with Hope and Faith
By Michelle Morris
27/02/2024
Look at the girl with the sunny smile
That girl with the saddest eyes
She does such a great job at helping everyone else
And yet she's always alone when the bough breaks
You'd never suspect that her heart's breaking
You'd never imagine she needs saving
But having courage and being strong
Is sometimes not a choice of our own
Every single day that tumbles into another year
She survives and grows through her tears
Every single trauma and heartbreak
Reminds her to live with Hope and Faith
Life can be funny, life can be strange
Life can be beautiful, life can be framed
We have experiences, we collect memories
We have a mortal body, a soul for eternity
And every person gets to choose
To live their dreams and their truths
Or to live in fear and limitations
It all depends upon our orientation
But sometimes Fate and Destiny
Have different paths for you and me
Our Love and Light gets fully tested
To focus us on Grace and Mercy
Look at the girl with the sunny light
That kind girl with the wisest eyes
She is always there when they need her
And yet she's alone through endless seasons
You'd never suspect that her heart needs more
You'd never imagine she needs to be adored
But having strength and resilience
Is developed through endless independence
Every single year that tumbles into another decade
She thrives and flows through her Grace
Every single situation and sadness
Reminds her to use her gifts with gladness
© Michelle Morris, 2024
I accidentally let one loose
in places you wouldn't imagine
last Sunday I left out a silent one in church
it must not of smelled too bad, cause no one noticed
while shopping at walmart
a little one squeaked it's way out
thank goodness i was in the clothing department
and not the grocery
someone might of thought the food was spoiled
the best one of all
was a silent, but deadly one
that built up for a long time
and finally exploded in the car
all windows went down
talk about a wakeup call
although it's freezing weather here
it was like the fart was frozen in mid air
So be careful who you sit by in church,
go grocery shopping with and
who you travel with in a car
You can never be too careful
of a little thing called gas
that can make a grand appearance or
a grand finale