Long Fatso Poems

I lie in bed making up stories 
trying to figure reality
like the center of everything 
listened to by the radio
i strategise with my garbage
somehow the riddles of song are there to save me
the...

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Private Slocum Gets a Scare

By Elton Camp

It was the day of the big parade.
Private Slocum felt he had it made.
He had an easy job that seemed cool.
Answer the phone at the motor pool.

It was most...

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Bessie Blount, lady-in-waiting, gave him a bastard son.
Catherine was first true wife, who birthed his daughter.

Anne Boleyn, lady-in-waiting, caused king to divorce.
The king wants what he wants, a legitimate son.

Henry the 8th
what a treat
ain’t he...

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I sit here alone in my room
Crying…
Crying away the pain
The pain that I’ve had inside for years
Every day of my life
Someone says something and again
I feel like crying
For the past four years
There hasn’t been a...

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It is never fun to be the new kid.
If you are exude too much fun, you are labelled weird.
If you get excited and loud, the others say you are “pushy”.
You dress differently? You are strange,...

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When will it stop?
Now, later maybe never
I sit and wait for that day
When I leave then maybe
Maybe then, I won’t be here to hear it
I cant wait till that very day
That I don’t have to...

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FATSO

We all look in the mirror just don't bend over
 It's the over the shoulder boulder holder
 Richard Simmons screams put down that cup of coffee
 Then sit in traffic while eating your bag of...

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Integrity

I suppose you think it’s all worthwhile,
To crawl to the rich, if that’s your style,
To swing your vote, left, right and center,
On a whim, just hit enter.
Just a touch of bile, don’t bleat.

If you were...

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In November I'll keep a low profile
Humans kill my kind so I must use guile
If I gobble to a mate
I'll be on a dinner plate
I detest living this muted lifestyle

I am a North American Wild...

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Brainwashing

Brainwashing is a flowing,
 right there on your TV,
Oh they sell life insurance to 20 year old’s,  
or guys like you an me,
Brainwashing sure is flowing,
 and the lies won’t let you be,
And they...

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I am small
and gaining WEIGHT
from the chips that I had ATE
Just around the BEND(I can barely do that,FRIEND)
Gut around the MIDDLE while my nephew tells a RIDDLE
Exploding sudden  GAS  ,it came from my...

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It was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Santa stole all of my stuff and he ran off with my spouse.
That fatso stole everything that I had.
I was shocked because Santa went bad.
All...

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The Traffic Stop

By Elton Camp

Dewey was late in his doughnut truck
While speeding, why what the luck

He saw the flashing of a blue light
And a siren—such a scary sight

Dewey pulled to the shoulder to wait
Up walked...

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When Santa Claus came down my chimney, I thought he was a robber.
I grabbed my baseball bat and old Saint Nick got clobbered.
Santa had some compound fractures and he kept saying ouch.
I made his deliveries...

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Fatso

Greedy fatso, super rich,
Fat miners and some lunatics,
Tumor on brain seems to be,
Another treasure a certainty,
Are you following this pitch,
He he…

Imported workers, paid $1000 less,
A week for their distress,
To take the wage of Aussies sweet,
Like...

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So That’s What It’s Called

By Elton Camp

The English language continues to grow
Now there’s one for when pants overflow
“Muffin top” has become a new addition
To describe a most deplorable condition

Really, I never could understand the way
Folks...

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  The little old man was so blooming fat
  That he couldn’t even see where he sat
     But once he sat down
     His ear to...

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