Long Fart Poems
Long Fart Poems. Below are the most popular long Fart by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Fart poems by poem length and keyword.
Sometimes some words spoken are better left unsaid
Sometimes something so broken can never be repaired
Sometimes some friends are better off not around
Cuz all they do is let you down
Sometimes you fail nine times but succeed on the tenth
All these are ways of testing your strength
Sometimes whatever you build comes crumbling down
But you always build it better the second time around
You may cry all night over something that happened
But tomorrow's another day, that should not be forgotten
You may be hurt badly by an old lover
You live and you learn that's what makes us stronger
Be good to people and always spread love
Show that you care and share a hug
Whenever you get angry just take a deep breath
Cuz no one wants to die an angry death
Life is too short to hold people in heart
Forgive and let go just like a fart
These Limericks were written after playing a card game called Poo Pocalypse... don't ask or I'll blame it on Jan...lol
History recorded leaders in wars
Great men and women: their whys and wherefores
Napolean Bona-fart
A short French dude, a sweet tart
Whose stinky stench exuded from his pores
A female consort weighed too many stones
From scarfing down ice cream in waffle cones
Mary, the Queen of Plops
Upon her butt she flops
In the castle, her toilets were her thrones
There was a barbarian, years ago
In battles much blood was sure to flow
Nasty crap from the buns
of Atilla the Runs
More deadly than arrows from a crossbow
King from the Plantagenet dynasty
was not given time for his toiletry
That was terribly absurd
for England's Richard the Turd
It was an invasion of privacy
Troubled was the one who made great magic
There was one known to have gas... how tragic
The Great Harry Poodini
Had powers of a genie
But subduing farts, he didn't know Jack!
Peeking in windows is an evil deed
One pervert, whose weakness he did concede
He's known as 'Pooping Tom'
With coolness and aplomb
Watching people crap is his craving need
My uncle Dran was an odd sorta man
who never much cared for livestock.
But wouldn't you know he kept a pig he loved so,
and named the fat thing, Ham hock.
Of little he cared but for the pig's dinner fare
and a desire to keep him from block.
No butcher you'd see would stand a chance or a plea,
to separate Dran and Ham hock.
One day on a walk came a squeal and a squawk
as they passed a farmland flock.
As a sow named Bacon took to squalling and chasing,
to the delight of old Ham Hock.
Bacon was bought after a hard bargain fought,
she was Dran's hog for the takin.
And never could one part, the sow and the old fart,
know as Ham Hock and Bacon.
To this day down the lane, if you travel again.
there's a legend for books in the makin.
For the piglets o' plenty, of the pigs, Dran has many,
cause he won't eat Ham hock or Bacon.
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Pink Domino Contest
Sponsored by: Sara Kendrick
7/29/2016
Placed 10th
I watched the peaceful cattle stroll
around the pleasant field.
We gain from them both food and milk,
such benefits they yield.
However, when they eat the grass,
they digest all that stuff.
The gas produced from peaceful cows,
makes air a little rough.
But what about that lowly bug,
with termite as his name?
What he can do, with little help
can change the breathing game.
He gobbles up the wood and grass,
and does his worldly part.
Wet tears roll down my glist’ning cheeks
when I hear termites fart.
They pump their methane in the air,
not ending once it starts.
And all the people hang their heads,
whene’er the termite farts.
Termites are a major contributor of methane and CO2 into the atmosphere.
I have a darling kitten I call Mozart
We cannot stand to be apart
We play games similar to go fish and lawn dart
Then I paint canvases with colourful kitty art
Every so often I manage to tiptoe and depart
Sometimes slipping away for a coffee and a tart
But for my kitty I’ll order tuna à la carte
And when I return with a bag from the mart
Mozart, you know what’s coming you’re so smart
Mozart, you hide and seek in my laundry cart
Leave paw prints when I spread out any chart
You are fluffy and cuddly and love to play the part
You have the cutest whiskers and the biggest lionheart
You’ll forever be my adorable little Sweetheart
But please tell me, wherever did you learn to fart?
AP: Honorable Mention 2020
I'm letting out the geek in me
he's on a different frequency,
a freak of nature you must see
feeding you the ecstasy,
I've got a brain far superior
and a pencil case by my side,
a foot that's got bacteria
an athletes foot in my stride,
I could show you my toe
with my in growing nail,
I could blow my nose
or fart out a smell,
H2O on my Epiglottis
stops fluid to my Trachea,
you don't know what that is
absolutely no idea,
Stuck in a Freaky Friday I must
touch Miss Lindsay Lohan's bust,
but then I feel her down below
and all I flipping feel is crust,
See this is the geek in me,
virgin nerdy freaky,
bird is a word, I'm free,
a bumblebee,
flying up high over trees
when I have the right breeze
but if I ever fly out to sea
I'm sure I'd be deceased.
Here I sit, the screen is blank
Nothing is coming to mind
I search and search my tiny brain
For a theme of any kind
Nothing doing, my brain is numb
It's happened to me before
When it does I panic and sweat
I pace up and down the floor
Wait a minute something's coming
A brain fart is on it's way
I know the feeling all too well
It's cataclysmic, I'd have to say
I frantically type as verses flow
Don't stop me I'm in the zone
It's a weird creative frenzy I'm in
My brain is not my own
As words begin to fill the screen
Can't believe just what I see
A poem appears just like magic
And it's signed by little old me
Now tell me how this happens
This brain fart phenomenon
I wish I could get control of it
It's appears and then it's gone!
©Jack Ellison 2012
Blame the parents
for rising their kids
with a foul language...
sins have a wage!
Only respect and morality
make good citizens of society,
but many like to poke fun
at anyone who can't run.
By looking at them one realizes
they came from unstable families:
their mother was a drunker,
and their father an abuser.
One of them wearing a Yankee cap
yells at the limping old lady out of shape,
" Fat cow, how many quarts of milk have gulped tonight?
You didn't wipe off that white mustache! Are you going to fart? "
And the elderly lady replied to that insult
" Watch your language, punk...I can fight! "
" Look at you! You walk like a turtle! "
she challenged her thinking she was feeble.
" Don't threaten me and get me mad, young lady!"
she brazed her legs expecting her
to suddenly fling and attack her;
" I used to play baseball...I'll knock you down easily! "
Taking a grim look at her, the slender and cynical girl
continued to abuse the obese lady by giving her hell,
" Taste this, it's going to hurt! " she yelled by punching the teenager hard
and once down, the motionless, breathless and bloody girl didn't get up.
Everybody panicked, shaking her trying to revive her,
" No pulse! No heartbeat! No breath! She's dead! "
The ambulance came five minutes after to take one to the morgue
and the other to the nearest hospital with a bleeding tongue.
It's very rare for a bizarre behavior to cause a sudden death,
and unfortunately one life was lost because that teen felt tough;
it's a warning to other youngsters, " Avoid such a confrontation
with people you think are too old to fight, always use precaution!"
My tummy speaks fluent Bowelanese
Every morning before my brekkie
Informing me in no uncertain terms
It needs more nourishment by heckie
It has quietly fasted all night long
Now wide awake looking for grub
Wonder what the consequences are
If I don't send some down from above
Tummy grumblings are quite universal
From the Aloha State to Timbuktu
Queens are known to have 'em at times
Followed by a Royal Fart or two
I guess that sounds a bit irreverent
But hey, Queens are people just like us
The only real difference is however
They can sit at the front of the bus
Now getting back to Bowelanese
A language even mentioned in Macbeth
Just lift one cheek and then the other
To release the body's excess
© Jack Ellison 2012
There’s a guy with the funniest chair,
and an unfortunate lacking of hair.
He always plants his ass
in the back of the class,
and his name is Dave Crandall. So, there.
They say Dave was a major in math,
but his life took an alternate path.
He suffered boredom, severe,
in an IT career,
and, on retiring, felt need for a bath.
Being no longer youthful or limber,
he moved to Leisure World one September,
where, as an old fart,
he found writing and art.
At least, that’s what he can remember.
If he was lost on a deserted isle,
art and writing would not make him smile.
He’d need folk music for that
and a wide-brimmed straw hat
to shield his head in this lone domicile.