Long Elvira Poems

A Whistling Girl and a Crowing Hen
 
By Elton Camp
 
 
	“We keep thet big flock o’ chickens fer eggs and meat,” Milas explained to his niece Elvira visiting from the city.  “We git...

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Many passions I have had
and many I have practiced long and hard.,
but it was not until mid-life, I opted for a hobby more artistic.
I got myself a new guitar with books to teach myself the...

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Ah, the life surreal.  Nothing like wearing the weirdness like a greatcoat as I sip bad hotel coffee and muse over where the last few years have taken me while watching ice flow around old...

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Zotëri Count Dracula
is a terrible, Transylvanian host
Mister Tarantula Fangs serves watered down pâté:
Fermented, sour liver compost

I know, 
because my Planet Terror peep Tarantino
said so

Vladdie’s batty bandë
campy lip sync way too much on the fly
Playing air...

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I love listening to Bach on late evenings, especially his flowing ‘Ave Maria’,
just as I like tuning in to Schubert’s ‘Ave Maria’, far too many Ave Marias!

Nothing compares to Beethoven’s ‘Moonlight Sonata', it’s simply beautiful;
George...

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I once dated a fella named Bella,
whom I met at a party in a cellar,
I told him I was born in Pennsylvania,
he said he came from somewhere in Transylvania…
Said he worked at the blood bank...

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A true story....


Well I lived in Sioux City for a little while
Another job site, hubby and I have covered some miles

While there, my mother in law came to visit
She drove Elvira, the biggest Buick ever...

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Zotëri Count Dracula
is a terrible, Transylvanian host
Mister Tarantula Fangs serves watered down
fermented, sour liver compost

I know 
because my Planet Terror peep Tarantino
said so

Vladdie’s batty bandë
campy lip sync way too much on the fly
Playing air guitar...

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Gypsy Fortune Teller costume revealed my most dazzling self
Wearing hot pink, silver, gold, purples, and flaming oranges.
Carrying a crystal ball, tarot cards and runes.
An elaborately embroidered shawl over my shoulders.
Enjoyed myself ever so much at...

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An Almond Tree 

Elvira was walking her dog, a poodle, in a landscape 
of rounded hills, when she fell into a cylindrical
borehole; her dog waited for her to come up again,
she didn´t, and since it...

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I am dressing as Elvira, the very sexy witch.
I will walk with her arrogant, self-confident twitch.
I will use a sultry voice, and leave admirers in my path.
I will take no prisoners, sashaying a widened swath.

I...

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We all are alone 

The hardest time that I remeber
was lonliness and fear to bear
if Child or Teen or Adultman
the pain was hard to care..

Then my decision was the croud
I jumped and drank a little...

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Bride of Frankenstein does not like the scene she is seeing.
Her husband looks so delightful, he might be peeing.
Elvira Mistress of the dark is losing her clothes loud and proud.
Her large headlights are shining and...

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We’d better go help her.
She’s got almost too much pig to handle.
These old farmers were snickering into their coffee cups
At the restaurant where they keep them on hooks
A local place

What are they talking about? I...

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Grandma Gets a Computer

By Elton Camp

Elvira’s grandchildren, one and all insist
“Without a computer so much you miss”

“Skype lets you see us as we chat.
You will be very happy to use that.”

“And e-mail is the absolutely...

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Which costume will she wear tonight?
She reaches for her red elongated plastic clown shoes.
The left one is missing.  Did she loan it out?

Maybe she should squeeze into her pink tutu?
The one with the rhinestones...

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In Praise of Elvira Gulch

By Elton Camp

Just because she was willing to fight
Nobody wants to speak of Elvira right

She was just trying to guard her cat
Now what can be wrong about that

A dog with such...

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She was a strong woman; everyone said it.
Elvira is so strong! Strong as an ox. Strong as a bull. 
She was proud of it too; it was her reputation.

If something needs to be lifted, go...

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How many more slippers and mittens can Elvira knit?
This was asked by her mother who was throwing a fit.
She wanted to be a grandma, so wanted Elvira to get with it.
But Elvira was now knitting...

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That old ugly Frankenstein,
always loved to wine and dine.
Now he had a fat behind
couldn't waste any more time.
He decided to join the huge Monster Gym,
all that fat he gained, now needed trimmed.
He had given each...

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Fifty Shades of Grey

By Elton Camp

Elvira is a kindly old soul
One with a heart of gold

The book club was ladies her age
Intellectual, conservative and sage

It was her turn to review a book
For one suitable she...

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