Long Disinterest Poems
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It's Friday! And it’s “Girls’ Night Out"! His favorite dinner and wine we shared!
We give each other a little bit space, at least, once every other week
Any given night, always a special treat, we may choose to cuddle instead
Whatever desires the other may have, each makes sure to prioritize
That’s the routine in our love nest; it’s just how we sail this boat
Dressed in stretched jeans; curves seemly more pronounced and I feel burning eyes upon me
Yes, I know that look so very well, but tonight, that can’t go down
To put him off, I attempt light conversation; to sort of change his unspoken
suggestion
I nonchalantly ask, “What game are you planning to watch, Love?"
With a silent, hope, that craving eyes would deflect
Deliberately, I avoid his intense stare, speaking loudly, a language I know too well
Too late! In just two steps he’s all over me; and I melt like butter in the sun
“Can’t you call? Say you’ll be a little late, hmm?” He whispers in my ear
“No, Love, the last time I did that, we fell asleep, remember?”
“Look, I’ll set the alarm, just one hour will do; I’m missing you already”.
Like a kid, he begins to pout and guilt raps at my heart’s door
Planting warm butterfly kisses the expanse of my neck
Murmuring low, words he knows I love to hear
And though I feign disinterest, persistent hands unrelenting
“Will you call and tell her? Will you, or I’ll call if you like?”
He may be unaware, though it’s hard to tell, as there are no secrets which I can maintain
In my mind I’ve already begun to disrobe him; my favorite dance flats cast aside
On the verge of giving in, I raise up my head to gaze those smoldering eyes
In that instant, I’m captured; cornered, again
His brilliant smile from lips so soft appears plastered on his chiseled face
Fully aware he’s won like so many times before
He picks up the phone, hits speed dial with one hand free;
The other is wrapped snugly 'round my waist as I admire his one track mind
“Hi Caitlin! Listen... …Yes, she’ll be late. Now, how'd you know?”
And her laughter rings throughout cyber space as she's made a prudent guess
“That’s fine, I just know!” She replied, still chuckling. “Ask her to call me before she leaves, will you?”
“Oh sure! Whatever you say, dear.”
~*~
For: Francine's "Whatever You Say, Dear" Contest
“MY STUDENTS AND I”
In the cool dawn of each new day,
My heart swells with a joyful array,
As I greet the group of eager minds,
Who await, with vigour, new knowledge to find.
To lead a class with intent and care—
With listening ears and silent air,
—is the pride of a teacher true;
A gift that few are gifted to.
The modern students, with youthful brawn—
Break the teacher's heart, steeled and worn,
As they ignore the wisdom shared;
And dreams of excellence are impaired.
The teacher, with a heart of gold,
Gives all, the students to mould;
But the students, unkeen to embrace,
Leave the teacher's heart a lifeless place.
Silence!" I roared, fierce as a lion,
But as I did, a serene spirit shone,
—like a whisper of peace, calm and true,
And so, I held my voice, and my fury too.
With heart open, and words of gold,
I spoke to the restless students bold,
Seeking to reach within their souls,
—the wisdom and knowledge I wanted to unfold.
I uttered, with passion and truth—
"Face your studies, knowledge is youth,"
But the students, unmoved, replied—
"Money is the key, sir, with no lie."
In shock, I stood, as my lesson fell,
Like petals plucked from a broken bell,
And understanding then did strike,
—the source of their disinterest, now in sight.
I posed, with fervour in my voice,
A question of truth, to make them rejoice—
"Why do the wealthy seek knowledge so?
If money is all, as you all seem to know?"
Their gazes, they shifted, their minds perplexed,
As the truth I gave them, their views corrected,
And I held their attention, like a web,
—spun with words of truth, no longer led.
My voice, it soared, resounding strong—
"If knowledge you lack, you will go wrong,
For those with it will eat the fruit of your toil,
And leave you with nothing, but a bitter coil."
"Money can purchase certificates true,
But wisdom and learning, it cannot do,
And as for standard, it's knowledge's friend,
Together they stand, till the end."
My words, they did penetrate their souls,
The truth, like a light, began to unfold.
Love is a Serial Killer
One lazy Tuesday afternoon
I was walking towards my car,
When I noticed a man looking my way,
Staring at me from afar.
He walked to my side and said "hello."
“I think we're in the same class,
And the way you always answer right,
Kind of makes me look like an ...."
"If the shoe fits," I replied with a smirk
But I felt the tremor in my voice.
He grabbed my hand and led me west,
I was too stunned to remember I had a choice.
He took me to a park not far from school
Where we sat and talked it seemed for days
I was mesmerized by his velvet voice
And captivated by him in every way
We met everyday for quite some time
Taking in his voice, laugh, and touch
My soul and heart were mesmerized
And I knew right off I wanted him too much.
"Oh, I love you girl," he cooed to me,
You’ll never know what you're worth.
You’re the only one I'll ever want,
You’re the loveliest thing on earth."
His love for me was a very strong drug,
Sedating me and numbing my senses.
And as I fell asleep he whispered to me,
"When you wake, we'll drop all pretenses."
I was confused and bound when I woke up,
Disoriented to say the least.
He noticed I woke and walked towards me saying,
"Ahh yes. First I plant, and then I feast."
He started by revealing the truth to me,
And with every lie I felt intense pain.
His words and cruelty cut deep and wide,
And he whispered, "Your loss will always be my gain."
He tore into me with every word,
His disinterest knocked me down.
His insults ripped my skin, and he said
"Every princess I've conquered has lost her crown.
They’ve begged and pleaded for me to stop,
And with tears for me they'll all drown."
I saw the knife and felt relief,
At least the pain couldn’t last.
He toyed with it, then set it down,
Not wanting to finish me so fast.
"Just so you know, princess,
I never loved you." he lifted his knife once more.
He smiled at me, and stabbed my heart,
And laughed while my blood dripped on the floor.
While you sleep I tell you all of the things I keep inside throughout day.
Now that you can hear but not listen I find them much easier to say.
My hopes, my dreams, my fears, and everything in between
Your subconscious hears so keen, or so it seems.
My tongue is soft; I speak so sweetly
Knowing your reaction will never greet me.
Tonight will be different in what I want you to know.
It has everything to do with what I can’t help but show.
I hold no claim to any religion but you’ve given me a place for my faith.
Somewhere it will never stale or lose its lavish taste.
You’ve shown me something I can see, touch, and feel,
And so before it I choose to kneel.
I know I don’t say it but I miss you every day.
Sitting, thinking of the perfect words to be my choice,
Yet when you call I can’t find any of the right words to say.
I’m just happy to finally hear your voice.
Even just a moment is enough to sooth my heavy heart;
Fearing the ends of conversations knowing we’ll have to part.
I’ll never be too far from you, always within arm’s reach,
And in your days of darkness I’ll be the light that you will seek.
I’ll never let you leave too far from me, I’ll stay close behind you in this world;
Secretly protecting what is mine, you will always be my girl.
I only want the best for you so the best of me I will employ.
Faithfully yours, I will always be your boy.
I close my eyes and kiss your soft sweet lips
And see the very best of you in loving bliss.
I see past the physical which makes you attractive
And focus on the things I can’t see in which I’m attracted.
Your thoughts I’d love to hear them all.
Of the things you speak disinterest never makes its call.
My day will come, I know someday I’ll be the only one.
And you I will pursue viciously,
Because I’ve given you the greatest gift I can give, to love unconditionally.
Yes our day will come, I know someday we’ll be as one.
And you I will pursue viciously,
Because I’ve given you the greatest gift I can give… to love unconditionally.
Too deeply I think,
crashing around in my mind
Old age....Approaching death,
desperation to find
Lost time, old friend
your keeping, a wonder
Moments I've missed and forgotten, much longer
Time I once knew, where you went
hiding under.
Holding me hostage, for knowledge I hunger
I try to recall, why they are lost
I assumed my disinterest, back then, wouldn't cost
My old friend; lost time
Hear me beg, see me crawl
I will listen, please tell me
I loved life, overall
Answering my need, time appears I can feel
My loss is as strong, as the voice I hear real;
"On your side I was there,
not waiting but creeping
Slowly each tick, your clock is now weeping
Think back if you can and are able to see
I was always there giving,
great moments were free
Don't beg for more time, I was squandered for speed
You were quick, didn't look back
thought of only, 'your' needs"
Clearly I heard, these words in my head
Etched deep inside, softly I said;
"I hear you old friend", understanding at last.
"My moments of you, are forever my past"
"Into hiding each went, time slipped away
I didn't embrace or invest,
life's time to play"
"My time wasn't lost, just taken too swift
No more chances, no do-overs
seems I wasted your gift"
"The end of my journey soon 'will' arrive
I just can't leave yet, feeling robbed and deprived"
A thought then occurred,
I stood absolute
Deciding to act, to continue pursuit.
Maybe with luck, perseverance and will
I can salvage whats left, my time to fulfill
Teach myself to appreciate, value time a new way
Understand life's existence,
what we have...how we pay
To 'just see' moments, as thoughts I've contrived
Is not enough presence, fulfillment can't thrive
I will, make a change. Choose deed over mind
Never again, opt out or be blind
I'll be part of life's play, satisfied in my climb
In the end kick my heels, saying;
"Thank's life! I had a great time".
...The End
I believe that writing is like spilling blood out of the carotid
Onto a canvas of sponge
This sponge can never be satiated
It takes generations and trillions of miles of neurons
Just to make a stain
My marrow is strained in such a glorious fashion
In attempt to produce even more lovely RBC's
So that I may contribute but just a mere speck
On this ethereal construct
Today I saw a man with hollow eyes buying homes with the skulls of rats
These homes onced belonged to living souls
The money machine came rolling in with the disinterest of a cow chewing cud
Masticating the precious juice from the canvas that once served
As a font of energy, an expulsion of electrons, something sacrosanct
To those who felt alive in a world consumed by dead, ridiculous intentions
Now
All of the canvas-blood-sponges have dried out in these places, and
As a result
The universe seems to recoil back in on itself as if in fear of
The disasterous implications
The dust seems to layer the meninges ever so slightly
Until I realize the fact that by doing so, I allow the miscreants running
This synthetic freak show of media pogrom and unheralded greed,
To stand in Pyrrhic victory
Somehow this is all
Compounded with an unaccountable need to accumulate as much
Material nonsense as possible because it helps fill
The inexplicable void
I just want to keep pumping blood out onto this convoluted stage, and
Scream in the ignorant face of the man arrogantly cutting others off
During rush hour as though where he needed to get to was so much more
Important than everyone else's destination
The disconnect is here
Look into the countenances of those around you
Thankfully there are those rare souls you see periodically
With some light left behind those orbs
They haven't been made grotesque by the modern world
They have been spending time with their canvas
luckily for our ambiguous plot structure
and the stern requirements of partisan doggerel
the ringing coin toss bounced then came up tails
and fortune directed that the box be opened
gingerly gripped in two slender shaking hands
by Pepper d'Angelo Olympic pole dancing medalist
and Global Emissary to the Panphibians of Tortuga
voted to the task by her many heart throb fans
on account of her total existential disinterest
in all but the firmness of her unsparing ta tas
wary with fitting prudence seized the initiative
insufferably slowly her fingers hands and arms
shaking with rapidly multiplying violence
undid the latch lifted the glinting polished lid
her arms now lost in a paroxysmal blur
the smell of gardenias was overpowering
across the land dogs began humping again
as a lustrous cigarette paper sized rectangle
fell at Roman sandal-clad Pepper's feet
toenails done in a pale peach skin tone
so you could barely tell they were there
she bent down reaching ever so slowly
lifting it past her ankles then her knees
deliberately past her coochie her navel
up up up over the Jell-O mold mammaries
up further to the cross-eyed focal point
her wet lips parted her voice thin and reedy
then expanding into a mighty sonorous trumpet
it says...
act in a genial manner towards one another
even if it is an utter fiction pasted onto your face
and it makes you suffer the crazy charade
with your empty smile a beacon of sincerity
the world's inhabitants stood in bandaged silence
scratching their heads and muttering
rays of golden light pierced the cloudy overcast
robin redbreast tweeted on his bouncing perch
our intrepid galactic transients Hoo and Watt
looked down upon a great Happy Face
gliding in majestic orbit around its yellow sun
and merry banjo music
filled our ears
I can tell you a story
I have enough living to do so
But interested perhaps hardly
I’m sure you have better things to follow
I will tell it for myself then
You can stop reading at this point
Disinterest only mean you won’t understand the end
Or did I spark an interest in you to join?
Do you remember words?
A time when spoken bears it heard
To tell and be genuine about
Not claimed and be sky-rocket proud
When lying can be for good honesty within
When lying in modesty can adhere truth therein
So much said that weren’t meant to be
So much words in the air we can never see
I pick I choose I chose I used…
Somehow… transpiring words today I no more knew
How do words simply stray beyond?
To no more bear its meaning to once belong?
I can speak of truth you wouldn’t believe
You can lie and I listen and receive
Do I not grieve yet… we become the part
Those leaving words that could melt our hearts
Is it the world today… is it you up to date?
Are we too inward away… or is it simply me too late?
How can we speak with chosen words?
Upon words that no more commands to be heard
Have the world change or have I?
Did you let it change… or ask why?
Leaving minds for when words you transcend
The hiding thoughts where aspiring words will lend
I know what needs be heard
To play the language word for word
And there is no need for you to listen
Because already… we are forever broken
I no longer have the word to describe who I am
Have you that word to describe who you are?
Guess you are still reading this to the end
My guess… you haven't already known you have come so far
Do you know what I mean with my story?
Or have you a story I’ll be with interest to follow?
I think your story I'll understand too… barely
Have we really enough living to do so?
In the murmur of modernity, a disease courses through the veins,
A silent malaise, binding hearts and thoughts in heavy chains,
Where no one thinks, feels, or dares to care deeply anymore,
No spark ignites, no spirit ventures beyond mundane chores.
All emotion drifts like whispers in a forgotten dream,
Beliefs eroded, lost, in an unbroken monotone regime,
Each soul devoured by the pursuit of their own comfortable zone,
God damn mediocrity, the silent parasite that’s grown.
We dwell in mental deserts, vast and devoid of rain,
Where the river of passion has dried up, leaving only pain,
A sterile landscape where boredom makes its nest,
And every heart, though it beats, feels oppressed.
The stars above, once guides, now pale and far,
Their light drowned out by neon's unceasing jar,
No cosmic wonder, no ancient creed inspires,
Only humble life without a trace of fire.
This malady of spirit, this plague of the soul,
Steals the colors from our dreams, making them dark as coal,
No fervent cry for justice, no poetic flight,
Only shadows of disinterest in the realm of night.
Yet in melancholy, a whisper soft as dusk,
Of dreams once lived, of purposes robust,
If only we could break the chains of this affliction’s hold,
Rise from mediocrity, let our spirits unfold.
In the quiet corners of our hearts, let’s rekindle forgotten flames,
Recall the ancient stories, the legendary names,
For in the depth of feeling, in care’s profound embrace,
We may recapture the light, in darkness find our place.
Rise, dreamers, in the twilight's glow,
Let passion burn, reveal your true colors,
Defy the creeping mediocrity, let your spirit soar,
For in the deep beat of the heart, true life intensifies.
Introversion, like strengthening integrity,
explores fusing with the Whole
which I associate with ego-death
whether by colonizing encroachments of Other
more powerful,
arrogantly unenlightened,
predators
Or by ego-transmutation
creolization
rebirth
synergetic sacraments
of wedding
bedding
feeding
breeding
loving
win/win compassion
And probably some positive
and negative,
impressive
and repressive,
flavors
and savors
of both varieties
anxiously anticipating ego-degeneration,
Self-emptying
under duress
and surviving chronic depression,
ego critical stress
and chronic trauma events.
Extroversion,
like outflowing exhilaration,
celebrates interdependent individuation
either against
or within
Earth's whole open system
Which I know as ego-augmentation
within a Western straight white male privileged context
of anthro-exceptionalism
MonoTheistically over against EarthTribe's carnal nature
Or
PanenTheistically celebrating ego's EarthMothered
nurtured
holonic spirit
And probably some in and out
positive and negative
Both/And Right hemisphere
and Either/Or Left hemisphere
introverted ego
embracing extroverting ecosystemic interdependence
with indigenous wisdom
of healthy ego
dipolar co-arising
wealthy ecosystemic context
While EitherMe OrWe introversion
without BothMe AndWe
integral holon of EarthTribal view
veers off toward Lose/Lose despair
death
depression
inevitable ecocide
and lack of capacity to thrive,
emergent disinterest in surviving
While extroversion invites sacred out
and inflowing integral Other
into panentheistic win/win play
to grow our humane/divine
interreligious
bicamerally interdependent
Tao wu-wei.