Long Dead inside Poems
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Chris Risum
1865 – 1920
She was the only woman who listened to me.
The only lady who cared enough to care.
For within my own dead marriage
I was sadly alone, pathetically ignored and ridiculed.
For while I was alive, I was an afflicted man.
A man dead inside himself.
A man endlessly looking for absolutely nothing to find.
With clenched fists and thrown shoes,
I was the man dodging the vitriol.
The man who felt absolutely no love
For the last twenty years of his life.
But alas, I met her.
The only woman who ever listened to me.
My lovely Gertrude,
The tall busty eucalyptus tree
On Rideout Way.
And there I would sit in her sensual shade,
On warm summer afternoons with my thoughts and desires.
And with the presumptuous winds
Streaming and knifing from the west
She would reach down with her long leafy flowing arms
And allow me,
A mere man worth absolutely nothing,
To touch her.
To feel incontrovertibly,
Her scintillating life force!
Feelings change
Brittle heart and feet for wheels.
Never had a happy meal.
Living like I am at the end;
Never gonna try again.
Given up on giving up;
Craving more of a lovers touch.
I love the sun that shines on me.
Everywhere I speak I find empathy.
Dead inside, but still alive.
I am a mess that is feeling alright.
Hating every word you say,
So gonna look the other way.
Happy days are back again,
New open eyes see past the pain.
Fond memories of being loved.
I have never felt this good.
Still so sad under the skin.
I have an empty bed in which to sink.
Misery is all I can think;
It’s all I have left to believe in.
Up and down my feelings go.
Like her, I have never felt so alone.
Waiting on a new romance.
It’s time I gave true love a chance.
(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
I am myself, I am only me, I'm unlike anybody.
Inside my head daydreams swim around, some are light, some are profound. Some are dark like the deepest deep. In the shadow of sadness I sit and weep.
In the darkness I try to sauce light but there is nothing, no dim flicker no tunnel of hope, swallowed up with nothing, not a glimpse of glowing.
I am dead inside no feelings for the world around me, the darkness closes and the depression drowns me, I've lost my way and I can't find who I used to be.
I pray for an angel to come my way and direct me to the path to which I have strayed.
No angels come only the nightfall stays, I'm living with bad memories that chip away at me every day.
Somehow I find strength from a place unknown, the misery releases me and I'm back home. I am happy now, I feel so alive or is this just a wicked cruel disguise?
I pray this feeling will stay this time but I'm waiting and waiting for it to be gone, I can't even enjoy my happiness for the fear of losing it, once more returning to the bleakness for another trip, a living hell with no feeling in it.
I don't want to go back I hate it there, the depths are the darkest and its too much to bare.
At times it creeps slowly all sly and coy it treats me like it's toy, and plays with me until I am destroyed.
I pray for its grasps to release me and give me over to this ecstasy. I'd rather be high and live in a cloud in their light fluffy puffiness I'd never be down. I'd bask in the light the sun has given as a gift, filling my sole with a positive lift.
I might be down and I might get back up but I am who I am and i can be no one else.
Once certainty has crippled all doubts,
make faith come alive with joyful words
and instead of feeling so shallow...
bring to life what was dead inside;
don't reject hope that leads to sorrow...
learn from it and walk in a straight line!
Embrace what's beautiful,
wait by the crossroads:
one bloossoming with roses
and magnificent sunflowers...
the other cramped with thistles;
choose the one that's long and durable
something that has the ability to grow,
to comfort you when you'll feel low!
Listen to the merry sounds
that flow through the Nature's song;
hear the robins, among
the weeping willows,
softly emitting musical notes...
the attentive composer memorizes!
Embrace what's beautiful
and deplore any misery;
turn from bad habits,
face the course of events
with boldness and believe in yourself!
Wandering from reality
strips you of dignity;
can you hinder what seems inevitable?
Shelly thought all those heartfelt feelings of love and oneness was lost
She had not heard from her first love, Thomas, for six weeks, since winter’s frost
They were seventeen, and had fallen soulfully and fully in glorious teenage love
Airtight, so right, the ultimate one-ness, their minds had melded, fit like a glove
Her handsome man, first love, together forever, she had thought, the ultimate we
Depression had set in a month ago, when it kicked in she might be a forever single she
His parents had moved in the middle of the night, house forlorn, no wish or song.
Incredulous feelings flowed through her soul when she realized he was truly gone.
Her texts so poignant, and loving, understanding and heartfelt to his cell phone
Were not returned in any shape, or rhyme, insuring her she was indeed now all alone.
This was a particularly sad moment, as they had met on March fifteenth, the March’s Ides,
A year anniversary of their first meet, but her world was no longer hers, and she felt quite dead inside.
She had contemplated doing something horrible, to feel the pain, to cut, to bleed, to run, to hide.
His voice she heard often in her head, explaining what had happened, relieving some of her dread.
Homework and hobbies held no interest now, she was all wrapped up in love gone wrong instead.
The storm outside, was not more violent than the one within, so she decided to take a walk in the rain.
Depressed and sad, head down, she walked slowly, feeling her heart breaking anew from the strain,
She had walked two blocks when someone gently touched her arm and turned her around.
It was her man, Thomas, who had managed to defy his parents, and find his way back to town.
My dad threw my phone out that window, he told her, and there was no way to get in touch with you.
But you are the love of my life, and I think we deserve to give our love the respect it is due.
Written 10-17-2018 Contest: Tell Me A Story Sponsor: Brenda Chiri
Look out on the music these days,
there ain’t a whole lot to say,
techno makes me feel dead inside,
dub-step, just get out of my way.
Hip-hop just rubs me all wrong,
that stuff is barely a song,
maybe there are some gems in there,
most of it’s just here and gone.
Can’t stop rocking,
the six-string talking,
the base-line walking,
the kick-drum knocking,
can’t stop rocking,
the pit is moshing,
the heads are bopping,
the tight shirts hopping;
giving them all that we got,
putting the fans all on lock;
cool licks dropping,
I can’t stop rocking,
I can’t stop rocking it hot.
Don’t get a thing from pop stars,
autotune gets them that far,
hot young thing on a casting couch,
that’s what makes them what they are.
Most of them really can’t sing,
their live shows a recording,
voices like karaoke bars,
I’d say it’s embarrassing.
Can’t stop rocking,
the six-string talking,
the base-line walking,
the kick-drum knocking,
can’t stop rocking,
the pit is moshing,
the heads are bopping,
the tight shirts hopping;
giving them all that we got,
Making all the panties drop;
cool licks dropping,
I can’t stop rocking,
I can’t stop rocking it hot.
Some might say I’m out of step,
don’t you known that rock is dead?
Won’t hear it on the radio,
but something needs to be said:
masterpieces never age,
they carve a place out to stay,
sounds just as fresh as when written,
Beethoven rocks to this day!
Can’t stop rocking,
the six-string talking,
the base-line walking,
the kick-drum knocking,
can’t stop rocking,
the pit is moshing,
the heads are bopping,
the tight shirts hopping;
giving them all that we got,
pushing it over the top;
cool licks dropping,
I can’t stop rocking,
I can’t stop rocking it hot.
Can’t stop rocking,
the six-string talking,
the base-line walking,
the kick-drum knocking,
can’t stop rocking,
the pit is moshing,
the heads are bopping,
the tight shirts hopping;
giving them all that we got,
I’ll die before I dare stop;
cool licks dropping,
I can’t stop rocking,
I can’t stop rocking it hot.
Last nite my world suddenly tilted
Love was stolen choked wilted
As I live and breathe my heart was cracked
I didn't push the hurt away instead it attacked.
He had awoken those emotions I thought were dead and gone.
I had been numb for so long.
His mind missing never will it return..
His soul forever burns
His crime this time
He broke my heart and took my rhyme
Wilted dead inside forever
Happiness belongs to me never
Crushed desperate to be able to breathe
He was my air all that I need
He played his game and played it well
In ignorance three times I fell.
Each time a little shorter distance before I hit
The last time juices didn't even cool before he split
My soul blackened and charred
My emotions cold brittle and on guard
Love gone, taken, broken in disregard.
Left lying, wasted, weak heart beat signifing the end
Why did he have to pretend
Bitter cold, im left alone once again
Death doesn't come but I will never live within
Isolation, confined, suffocating,
Life's unbearable silence constricting,
You scream but not a sound escapes,
The struggle is real but no one relates,
Not progressing, but not backtracking,
The stillness violating, movement lacking,
Life's burdens weigh heavy on ones heart,
So much so you beg for yours to depart,
The sunshine dances across the sky,
It's something that always passes me by,
Then the moon rises ablaze in the dark,
It's beauty soon ended by the singing lark,
The brakes of dawn marks a new day,
You pray its less grey than yesterday,
Disappointment lingers in the the air as a foul stench,
I thirst for happiness that I'm unable to quench,
Depression, anxiety, heart ache its all pain,
Dark thoughts lurk inside my insane brain,
Only cold blood pumps through each vein,
Is it to late, am i dead inside, from such pain.
Poetry is good for the soul.
You’re my devotion
You’re like an ocean…
We are still so broken
Will you ever see me again?
This time, I’m dead inside
I cried a million storms for you
It’s such a crime to hide
In the shadows of endless rue
You’re my devotion
You’re my devotion
You handed me the love potion
It got me feeling so much emotion
You caused erosion
So sweet of my devotion
To be locked up in your notion
In my heartache song
Don’t know what went wrong
Don’t know where I belong
My mind is playing mental ping pong
You’re the only one here
Who can shake away the fear
You hold me so dear
In your arms of love…I shed a tear…as it appears, I’m locked up in this nightmare…
This time, I’m dead inside
I cried a million storms for you
It’s such a crime to hide
In the shadows of endless rue
You’re my devotion
You’re my devotion
You handed me the love potion
It got me feeling so much emotion
You caused erosion
So sweet of my devotion
To be locked up in your notion
In my heartache song
Don’t know what went wrong
Don’t know where I belong
My mind is playing mental ping pong
This time, I’m dead inside
I cried a million storms for you
It’s such a crime to hide
In the shadows of endless rue
You’re my devotion
You’re my devotion
You handed me the love potion
It got me feeling so much emotion
You caused erosion
So sweet of my devotion
To be locked up in your notion
In my heartache song
Don’t know what went wrong
Don’t know where I belong
My mind is playing mental ping pong
You eliminate all the commotion,
For you’re my one and only devotion
You let me fall into my own motion
As you collide into the ominous ocean
1/16/21
As of recent times
Another one-sided agreement signed
I'm trying to leave the impact of a meteorite
Very little peace of mind
Haven't found, what I seek to find
Struggling to sleep at night
I do not need advice
I'm a decent guy
It doesn't matter if anybody else does, as long as I believe in I
We just can't always see eye to eye
Not thinking outside the box, then you will be confined
If you never mean to try
Quickly you will fall behind
Not everything is good
Nothing withstood
The test of time
Another one out the door, and another next in line
In a world full of pesticides
Humans still committing genocides
It was emphasized
Or just swept aside
Felt like I made tremendous strides
In nearly every area, I started to specialize
Then I began to feel dead inside
It's been a pathetic plight
And an epic fight
During a hectic life
Close and far from Septic pipes
Can't handle the truth, they always want to edit my
Content, don't want to let it fly
I did it wrong, but said it right
There really is an end in sight
Which is why, it's so important to always try your best in life