Long Crap Poems
Long Crap Poems. Below are the most popular long Crap by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Crap poems by poem length and keyword.
life has it's ups and downs
it's highs and lows
with it comes a lot of crap
but what's most crappy?
Action speaks louder than words
now thats crap.
when you are in a mess
and four men are set to give you stress
only words can placate their vex.
To err is human, to forgive is divine.
iI know men that make it an habit to err
all their faults, in one day they bring to bare.
When they say sorry
you should be worrried
cos when your back is turned
your heart they shall surely burn.
Old wine tastes better
i have never heard a sillier chatter.
Give me bitters, ale or lager
whiskey, cognac, all even the better
inebriation the sole aim
whatever the taste am game.
Your vote is your voice, let it count.
I can't even be cynical on this
their's always count more.
The patient dog eats the fattest bone.
My ***** just had a litter
and with every litter their is a sickler
he was the grunt of the squealers
he never got to mama's breast on time
and with time he died
a bone, he never had to dine.
Dress the way you want to be addressed.
It was visiting day at the prisons
on came a nun brighter than the sun
pious in body and soul, her gait straighter than a pole
she left their third leg rigid
am not kidding.
Every disappointment is a blessing in disguise.
Now this is no lie
am still trying to figure out who was behind the mask
when i got robbed on pay day.
A stich in time saves nine
I love this line.
when you try to take what is mine
believe me it wont be fine
even when you run to the court and get a fine
I will cut you up to bits.
and the stiches wont be nine.
The pen is mightier than the sword
reader, the above is one hell of a crap word.
when am with my big gun
you better drop your pen, cower and run.
Every day is for the theif, one day is for the owner
this is a no brainer.
The governor embezzled our money and left
he got all the praises... you should know the rest.
Make hay while the sun shine's
this should shed some light.
it was Norway inthe middle of the night
when the morrow came, there was still no light.
Make hay while the sun shines
is one hell of a crap.
cos when it should be lihht,
the sun is never in sight.
Let sleeping dog lie
i tell you no lie.
When all your Mutt does is to sleep and eat
when burglars come in to take and keep
you let the ungrateful beast suffer a bit.
“Speak from the heart”
What a load of crap
Cut straight to the point
did this all even matter?
From the start, the middle to that bitter-sweet end
A strange affair
A compilation of half-assed dates
Boring moments between two boring individuals
A couple of airheads
A blind trust formed by dimwits
Strangely normal, strangely plain
Formless wandering in a hollow husk
Dead, dirty skin flakes off my shoulders
Brain-dead is labeled across my head in bold
Casually tossing what remains out on the curb
I don’t seem to care
Remaining the same day by day;
“There’s always tomorrow,”
“I can’t reach the phone, try again tomorrow,”
“It will have to wait for tomorrow,”
“Today is not tomorrow.”
Monotony brought flowers to my door
You preached about Today when Tomorrow was yesterday
All those tears won’t get you anywhere
what made you sad, anyways?
Turning away from closed doors and shaken dreams
what were you fighting for, anyways?
There’s someone willing to bid a “Goodbye”
what are you waiting for, anyways?
It’s all so maddening, tumbling, waking, apologizing
Shaking my fists in anger
falling down a steep cliff
rising with the morning sun
crying on my knees
Was I ever prepared for walking this world alone; life is throwing a curveball and I’m no batter
Hunched over the bathroom sink, my eyes see something extraterrestrial
like a bad trip on drugs I can’t seem to break that nasty spell
Viewing life through a fish-eyed lens
the photo prints Hell
Oh, such a horrid sight but I can’t find the will to look away
Find a way to kill me
I can’t stand this any longer
Death is my only resolve
It’s all so maddening, tumbling, waking, apologizing
Shaking my fists in anger
falling down a steep cliff
rising with the morning sun
crying on my knees
Was I ever prepared for walking this world alone; life is throwing a curveball and I’m no batter
Hunched over the bathroom sink, my eyes see something extraterrestrial
like a bad trip on drugs I can’t seem to break that nasty spell
Viewing life through a fish-eyed lens
the photo prints dying
Oh, such a pleasant sight and I can’t find the will to look away
Find a way to kill me
I can’t stand the wait any longer
Death is my only resolve
When the clock strikes twelve
When the night is at its peak
When the dark has spread through the room
Striking down— a bullseye!
this is for all the DECENT ladies out there...
i dont know about you, but im sick of being second choice to skeezy women
i dont know about you, but when i have a boyfriend i just get sick of livin
i dont know about you, but i know about me
and this girl here,shes sick of the pleas
sick of the ********, sick of the crap
sick of all the "friends" who talk behind my back
sick of it all, sick of everything
and with this feeling, positive im supposed to bring?
im sick of being told "its my outlook on life"
youre so negative, you make your own strife
i dont know about you, but its not MY atatood
it all the ugliness in this sick twisted world
and i dont know about you, but im fed up
i dont about you but i give up
i dont know about you, but im done feeling the way i do
and i dont know about you, but then again i think i do
you pick yourself apart, about all your flaws
and when they cheat and lie, it just instills that further,its a law
i dont know about you, but i think i do
you're the girl, much like myself
with a good heart and a bad sense of health
build us up, tear us down
i dont know about you, but i really think i am going crazy
i dont know about you, but i think theyre all lazy
too lazy to try, too lazy to care
too lazy to give a ****, but the energy shows up when in satans lair
no more loyalty, to get kicked in the teeth
no more "friends" who just make you weep
no more crap, and no more forgiving
no more forgetting and NO MORE RE LIVING.
im not settling, i have enough of "so-so" to last my whole life
and i dont know about you girls, but it ends tonight.
we stop picking ourselves apart, we stop blaming ourselves
we stop thinking our little "flaws" ar why they did this
when its about someone else
its about them, the people they choose to be around
and quite frankly, before id be around THEM id be buried in the ground.
alive.
yes i hate them that much
and i dont know about you, but i have had enough
i wont blame myself, when skeezy outdoes classy
i wont blame myself for the hilariously tacky
things i see, on a daily basis
and i dont know about you
but i too, can fake it.
see its harder for me,to be mean like you all are
im not built that way, and being mean hurts my heart
so no i cant do the revenge thing
but what i can do is protect myself again
i dont know about you, but its long overdue
i DO know about you...because i AM you.
you are not alone.
My mom raised me
She fed me
She cared for me
My mom is a saint
Raising five boys…
How can you say she ain’t?
My wife is nuts!
She is worried she may get laid off,
Yet she is hoping she will :\
She worries too much
But takes it all in stride
She is so strong and so weak at the same time
Dealing with all the stress
Yet the dog farting is too much!
My daughter is mine
She is too much like me,
Only more so
She doesn’t worry enough
Life brings what comes along
Her heart is full of song
But it’s mostly metal and punk and rap
And I just don’t get that crap
My daughter is also an addict you see…
Which is hard for us to understand, you see.
Addicts can’t “just stop”.
They let the drug-of-choice rule their life
They don’t care about the strife
There are triggers you know
That make the addict so
Stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness and boredom
They all push the addict towards the ledge
And their low self-esteem is the finale step
Over
The
Edge.
She is in recovery now…
She is doing well
She will always be
An addict you see
We love her the best we can
We will stick to the plan
And take each day
As it comes in to play.
My granddaughter is great!
She’s not yet two
She is nuts too.
She knows nothing of how
She came to my house.
(refer to the stanza on “My Daughter”)
She loves unconditionally
She loves Grandpa you see.
She doesn’t yet speak
So she cries her fears
And I dry her tears
And just like with her grandma and her mother
I try to read her mind
To see if I can tell
What it is that makes her yell
But she is sweet and kind and beautiful
And grandpa spoils her so…
Bet he can’t help it, you know.
It may be politically incorrect
But I don’t care;
Sometimes there is too much estrogen in the air
So grandpa gets out of the house
And meets his buds
And drinks some suds
And tells dirty jokes
About the kind of women
My mother and wife never were,
and I hope my daughter and granddaughter never will be.
So point your finger at me
And yell Hypocrisy!
I don’t care
Because you wouldn’t dare
Live my life for me.
But I would not trade all of this
To be rid of the drama (and the bliss)
It’s four against one
the ladies and me
Walk a mile in my shoes
And you will see
It takes great strength to do what I do
Four-to-One, and two dogs too.
Bath City football club is an embarrassment to Bath
Most people ain't heard of them the ones who have laugh
Their aim and ambition is to be what they are
And that's like dreaming you're a broken down car
The fixture list came and it says you take part
So you push that car around the track from the start
Their desire is to exist with no plan to go far
They don't have the fire they don't have the heart
We don't show support when it all looks a farce
Don't we deserve something better than this
In good old Bath City where only rugby exists
Football can rot because rugby's the wish
absolute bollocks it's bollocks it is
Lacking intelligence in this rugby territory
it's like they see football the ultimate enemy
Scared of its presence and what it might do
A city with one club yet big enough for two
Our Uni makes athletes Olympian Gold
Bath Rugby competes while the football's on hold
There is a demand, no there's not we get told
"Football's not our game it's just not our mould"
I know Sir James Dyson is a man made in Bath
we're all proud of that, those Hoovers are bad
I say that as slang, his old bosses are mad
They rejected his hoover, how dumb and how daft
Now with your mass fortune beyond simple maths
You can now do what nobody else ever has
Invest in Bath City and put them on the map
You'll be a hero and they won't be crap
Potential so blatant will finally grow
and with it our pride, a pride never known
fill up the stadium with a reason to go
and fans will keep coming if there is a show
The community will bond as it responds to events
when you create dreams the present prevents
those magical days when the cup brings giants
a promotion or two through your generous expense
there's so much potential, they so under achieve
it wouldn't take much for that club to succeed
giving thousands of locals dreams hope and belief
It's you Sir James Dyson can gift what we need
It'll take off like your Hoovers but the football won't suck
with your big fat fortune it won't cost you a buck
it's a bigger football club than we know but its stuck
and it's about our community, it's a gift of good luck
invest in Bath City and the best is to come,
you'll go down in history as the one champion
who did the one thing that nobody had done,
go on mate please it's a job that sounds fun
Call me mad if you must
But please first hear me out
I just got back from the Cryogenics lab
And guess who's head I picked from the crowd
If your thinking Jimmy Hoffa
No, he's somewhere deep asleep in concrete
I grabbed someone much more spectacular
I grabbed the frozen head of Walt Disney
You see years ago he had himself chilled
At least that which contains the brain
The useless part they put in a casket
And far be it for me to dig up a grave
I've now got Walt packed on ice in a cooler
It wouldn't do to have his head melt
What kind of operation do you think I'm running here
Some kind of Mickey Mouse?
First on my agenda find Mr. Disney a body
One that won't give out on him too soon
Cause once we thaw out Walt and he starts to talk
There's no telling what he'll want to do
So I let my fingers do the walking
Here's something interesting...Bodies By Jake
I just hope we find Jakes place in time
Before the ice melts and we are to late...
...talk about false advertisement!
Jake the snake didn't sell bodies at all
Walt and I are more than a little disturbed
There really should be some sort of law
Guess I should have thought this all over
Long before I thought of it now
So as a special treat I thought Mr. Disney and me
Could go see his "World", so we headed South
Standing in line to purchase tickets
The cooler shakes when Walt hears the prices by chance
No need to tell you that if he had lower extremities
He would crap them if he wore any pants
We decided to do something a little cheaper
And with a Disney movie just out today
It was kind of hard to follow along though
When all you could hear was his body spinning in the grave, miles away
Guess it's to early to try and bring back Walt Disney
Maybe one day I can try it again
But before we leave for the trip back home
We stop at the concession for diet soda and Jr. mints
Once we got back to the Cryogenics lab
They're looking for me so over the fence I let the head fly
No need to worry, one of the guard dogs grabbed it
And I'm sure drug it right back inside
I hear that the Disney Corporation, after reading this have gathered together their top notch lawyers and are wanting to set up a meeting...
I'm thinking they're going to offer me a movie deal! Wish me luck!
I'm thinking Leonardo DiCaprio could play Walt...
Not-So-Heroic Couplets
by Donald Trump
care of Michael R. Burch
To outfox the pox:
kill yourself first, with Clorox!
And since death is the goal,
mainline Lysol!
No vaccine?
Just chug Mr. Clean!
Is a cure out of reach?
Fumigate your lungs, with bleach!
To immunize your thorax,
destroy it with Borax!
To immunize your bride,
drown her in Opti-cide!
To end all future gridlocks,
gargle with Vaprox!
Now, quick, down the Drain-o
with old Insane-o NoBrain-o!
Trump’s real goals are obvious
and yet millions of Americans remain oblivious.
—Michael R. Burch
Less Heroic Couplets: Just Desserts
by Michael R. Burch
“The West Antarctic ice sheet
might not need a huge nudge
to budge.”
And if it does budge,
denialist fudge
may force us to trudge
neck-deep in sludge!
NOTE: The first stanza is a quote by paleoclimatologist Jeremy Shakun in Science magazine.
Less Heroic Couplets: Miss Bliss
by Michael R. Burch
Domestic “bliss”?
Best to swing and miss!
Less Heroic Couplets: Then and Now
by Michael R. Burch
BEFORE: Thanks to Brexit, our lives will be plush! ...
AFTER: Crap, we’re going broke! What the hell is the rush?
Less Heroic Couplets: Dear Pleader
by Michael R. Burch
Is our Dear Pleader, as he claims, heroic?
I prefer my presidents a bit more stoic.
Less Heroic Couplets: Less than Impressed
by Michael R. Burch
for T. M., regarding certain dispensers of lukewarm air
Their volume’s impressive, it’s true ...
but somehow it all seems “much ado.”
Less Heroic Couplets: Poetry I
by Michael R. Burch
Poetry is the heart’s caged rhythm,
the soul’s frantic tappings at the panes of mortality.
Less Heroic Couplets: Poetry II
by Michael R. Burch
Poetry is the trapped soul’s frantic tappings
at the panes of mortality.
Less Heroic Couplets: Seesaw
by Michael R. Burch
A poem is the mind teetering between fact and fiction,
momentarily elevated.
Less Heroic Couplets: Passions
by Michael R. Burch
Passions are the heart’s qualms,
the soul’s squalls, the brain’s storms.
Keywords/Tags: Donald Trump, coronavirus, president, poet, poems, poetry, heroic couplets, couplet, humor, humorous, Clorox, Lysol, disinfectants, light verse, parody, satire, America, USA, giggle, political, natural disasters
Hesitation gets you no where, beware dont go there
thats a violation punishments annialiation
plant the seed and watch it grow just to get chopped down
cant be stopped now, welcome ya'll to my pow wow
i make the gun go plow gun powder mouth, automatic, im an addict
and i dont know how to quit firing off rounds
No mission is impossible disregard all obstacles
cold popsicle, sicker than a hospital
wheres the alcohol, cuz im addicted to the bars
your greatest the rapper on earth, thats fine cuz im from mars
damn my covers blown, earthlings you arent alone
I was bluffin, thanks for nothin, thanks for stuffin
my head full of lies and deceat, I guess no reason for me
to go to church no more, im done for
I might as well go shooot up a gun a store
no wait I think instead i'll go fight for iraq,
tell em all the secerets then give bin laden a dap
president bush snorin in his office takin a nap,
reading the newspaper smiling and taking a crap
you might be hating this rap, but im never takin it back
no receipt kapeeshe, you didnt pay for it jack
99 problems and a ***** is one that i got
my girlfriends loose so i tied her up in a knot,
now she go cant go around hoppin from cock to cock,
thinkin shes Hot, spreadin every damn disease that she got
fuhck a G, this chic has an A-Z spot,
things so wide you could park diddy's yacht
when she cum's she sneezes out bugers and snot,
excuse my language im dangerous when im angry alot
picaso couldnt paint this master piece, after me, im happily
crapping on rappers
im so complex in my simple text,
that you almost look forward to what comes next
it could be about any subject or topic just know you cant top it
the way that i say couldnt be said any better, every word every letter
a veteran at only nineteen, its frightneen and might seem unbelievable
but u gotta believe it along as its readable,
and I cant speak so i let ink leak,
onto the paper and into ur mind where its safer
cuz this stuff is lethal, the combo of my tounge and my teeth will
be sure to be heard by all people, its all equal, eminem retired now im the sequel
it'll beheath you to increase breathing and cut down on the speech, you reach a
point where talkin
will get you no where,
i know its your freedom, but pleas dont be dumb
Im a lumber jack leave you stumped like a tree trunk...
Your rhyme reads like a rap they say,
a rap I say,
a rap they say,
perhaps but rap is rhyme you see,
it's rhyme really,
it's rhyme you see,
this poem is not lyrical,
no not at all,
not lyrical,
'cus songs use words repeatedly,
repeat you see,
repeatedly.
We'll use that as the chorus,
it's easy and thoughtless,
lets build a rhyme fortress
with verse summersaultus,
not a word but I don't care,
eating apples grapes and pears,
seeking angles of praise from flair,
story starts now take a chair.
Out in public with clothes removed,
I've had this dream but now it's true,
a dude that's nude and on the move,
without a pube all in plain view,
swing it like a helicopter,
round and round 'til someone stops ya,
grab some weed and party poppers,
run down streets to dart from coppers,
drinking aftershock that shocks ya,
always after the shot has docked ya,
stick your head between some knockers,
wake up thick lipped at the doctors.
(Chorus)
Write it like a conversation,
it might give it a new dimension,
in that last verse you forced the rhyme,
of course that's fine in this rap rhyme,
'cus rap is rhyme it's rhyme they rap,
that is a fact a fact is that,
by it's nature rap is rhyme,
if it reads like a rap then it reads like a rhyme,
does that mean always rhyme is rap,
of course it isn't it's less than that,
now that sounds mean,
what do you mean,
rap rhymes are rhymes and rap,
rhymes just rhyme they're not rap,
well what's this verse then is it rap?
No my friend this verse is crap,
I hope they remember this is a conversation,
they're not reading you lost their attention.
(Chorus)
A third verse now this is long winded,
it's forced and pointless poets cringing,
get back to the story,
now you were knocked out,
yes and I remember nowt,
then what the hell's this rhyme about,
it's like a selfie with lips that pout,
no one cares except the poser,
that means no one notes the nose hair,
wrap this up it's going nowhere,
rap it up like you're a rapper,
this poem keeps on getting crapper,
no one's read as far as here,
in this worse rhyme you've wrote all year,
at least it flows like hip hop songs,
it flows with flow its flow is strong,
to flow like this use words not long,
here's the chorus lets sing along.
(Chorus)
it reads like a hip hop
POTD 17/10/2018
Headline News Hypocrisy
"If you see anybody from that cabinet in a restaurant, in a department store,
at a gasoline station, you get out and you create a crowd.
You push back on them. Tell them they’re not welcome anymore, anywhere!" Maxine Waters
Main Stream Media “She is such a dynamic leader.”
“I’d like to take Trump out behind the gym and kick his ****!” Joe Biden
Main Stream Media “You tell’em Joe.”
“We can’t be civil until we are back in charge again!” Hilary Clinton
Main Stream media “She should have been President.”
“When they go low, kick them!” Eric Holder
Main Stream Media “They deserve it.”
“Get up in the face of some congress people!” Corey Booker
Main Stream Media “You go Spartacus.”
“Make America great again!” Donald Trump.
Main Stream Media “Man, that guy is so hateful, always promoting violence”
Ok, I am sorry for this but it is infuriating me and the main stream media is the enemy of the people. Stop reading me if you like because of this
but it is every day and has been for the past two years. What really gets me is people act like they don’t see it or feel that it is okay.
Whether you like the guy or not, this is just too much. I have seen numerous poems on this site trashing the President of the United States.
Everyday there are more. I mean really? Yes, I agree he’s not the nicest guy in the world. He shoots his mouth off too much but he is doing something,
Which is more than I can say for any other President, Democrat or Republican. He works hard and that is what scares these other politicians.
They look at politics as a job where they don’t have to do anything except sit around all day arguing with each other. They are scared to death of work.
Tim Smith just posted a poem about Kindness…everyone should read it. Why can’t everyone just be kind to one another? Yeah, I know…stupid question.
The headline this morning on MSN read: "Pittsburgh mourns synagogue shooting victims as protestors await Trump." Did we really need the last part of that headline?
Can’t they let these people and the country mourn in peace? Why do they always have to stir up crap? Why didn’t they just write, Pittsburgh mourns synagogue shooting victims and we still hate Trump?