Long Condom Poems

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No Dipping

U see me and my boo were ready to do the do
      We planned the day  
    Discussed it thoroughly
        I was convinced that home boy really loved me
            So it was all cool 
          I was about to lose it to a incredible dude 
             There was going to be no regrets
                I anticipated his hands all over me 
                    He was gonna make a new woman of me 
                        The day finally came 
                    I undressed him and he undressed me 
                        As the passions ensued 
                     I could take no more 
                        I told him to put it on  
                           He said girl I left them next door
                              He didn't stop 
                               Doing his do
                              But I felt completely turned off
                                  I said so go next door 
                                    It's just across the hall
                                      He was like nah baby it's cool 
                                    I sware I don't got nothing
                                        Let me just put it in 
                                      By now I was completely shocked 
                                           I shoved him off me 
                                               as he tried to get on top
                                              He said chill baby girl next time I promise
                                                            I get paid next week
                                                  In my head I'm thinking what is this some 
                                                     kind of weekly installment type of thing?
                                                               He got condoms on layaway
                                                               Or something 
                                                        There aint gonna be no next time
                                                           Matter fact there aint gonna be no today
                                                                 I got off the bed, put on my clothes
                                                                 There simply will be no dipping without a condom


Curse of Marriage

The only woman I ever loved gives joy and love, For I have met and loved other women but not with such satisfaction I feel now. For she turns a dark day bright and shares a smile that brings life to a withering rose, if only her parents knew they would have called her Rose because she is my Rose of Sharon. Give me love my angel for today we joined in one, let us rejoice in our love and strengthen our bond in marriage.
Days, weeks, months pass and my love is still strong and sharper than any double edged sword. We on the second year now, why the sudden change. Our usual routines fade with the honeymoon phase, no more cuddling its now frequent quarreling. Is marriage like this? Love fades now its reality; she comes late at night and leaves early in the morning. The home once full of love now lays with sorrows.Donot know who to blame but myself for I ran before I could walk and landed before I could fall and now everything is vivid we jumped into marriage leaving us livid.
Everything changes I do not feel at home anymore, because home is where the heart is and for now my heart is wondering. I start feeling at home at pubs, for it is there where I drown my sorrows. Nightfall becomes my joy for I know the bar calls and sorrows are drowned. I now long for body warmth for in bed we now like Siamese twins joined by our backs.
Usual routine at the bar two three beers a woman approaches, she speaks with persuasion, have I found love at the bar or is it the alcohol taking its course? She whispers in my ear all through the night. She then leads me away like a bull led for slaughter.
Morning and everything is bleak but I feel body warmth, had I partaken in the act of love with the mystifying woman. Suddenly she awakes; she smiles and demands she be reward for her participation in the act. It then hits me, is she the thorny rose that wilts other roses, the lady of the night that brings gloom. I glance around the room; nothing strikes me as a condom. Does that mean I partook in the act of love with the lady of the night without protection?
Has my marriage lead me to death, It seems death is now soon to be my destiny. For I know with the ladies of the night comes the devil's advocate.
And now that the curse of my marriage
She was one of the reasons I lived and now she is the only reason I'm dying...
sad
Form:

Buying Condoms

BUYING CONDOMS

I was desperate to buy me some condoms
On a Wednesday morning in June
My girlfriend had made me a promise
And we were meeting up that afternoon

For she'd noticed that in my frustration
My flat....which I kept fairly neat
Now had fingernail marks on the ceiling
And teethmarks on the toilet seat

So she promised an hour of pleasure
As pleasurable as it could be
She wanted fifty eight minutes
With the other two minutes for me

Now you folks are probably thinking
Splitting an hour like that was a crime
But in my mood of complete desperation
Two minutes seemed like a long time

So I stood in a queue in the chemist's
Hoping to be quite discrete
While the lady in front bought and paid for
Corn plasters to stick on her feet

And when my turn came I was gutted
I though 'this must be a joke'
For a gorgeous young girl came to serve me
I was wanting a grizzly old bloke

Embarrassed I picked up some aspirin
But her smile put me quickly at ease
She said as she took the box from me
'Would you like some condoms with these?'

'We have them in black, red or tartan
And ribbed ones to last a long time'
'Do you have a favourite flavour?
We have peppermint, strawberry or lime'

'Flavours?'........ I nervously stuttered
'Strawberry?.......'Is that what you said?'
'These things are to go on my winkie'
'Not between two slices of bread'

She chuckled away as she wrapped them
She'd decided on tartan and lime
And smiled as she gave me the packet
Then wished me a really good time

I dashed around home in a frenzy
The minutes were ticking away
My girlfriend was coming here shortly
For  our sixty minutes of play

My clothes hit the floor in a heartbeat
I put on my condom with glee
And the first that she saw, as she opened the door
Was my tartan condom and me

She screamed as the door closed behind her
Her face like a deathly white mask
Then pointed and silently shuddered,
'What're you going to do with that flask?'

I chuckled 'It isn't a flask it's a condom'
Tartan and flavoured with lime'
With disgust she turned and departed
Walking out for the very last time

So my day of passion was stifled
I didn't make it as far as the bed
And as my condoms were lime flavour
I had them with corn flakes instead
© Jim Bates  Create an image from this poem.
Form: Quatrain

Premium Member monkey bites

Here it comes again, the daily reminder ...
cold sweats out of nowhere that hit me like a slap
on the face, my entire body turning clammy wet in an
instant, three-or-four times every day. Then there's the
uncontrollably exaggerated yawning and eyes that won't stop
watering, a runny nose as if instant hay fever, and that nearly in-
tolerable creepy muscle thing ... that's the worst symptom of all by
far, (akathisia, it's called), because you CAN'T hold still - all your bones
and muscles have to move at once, or you quite simply can NOT tolerate it.

I always say a prayer that it only happens a few
times each day, and only lasts for a short time, but
to be honest, it's a nightmare, and inside I'm cursing ...
cursing myself for this reminder. The reminder of a terribly
bad decision  that I made thirty years ago. Oh, my "problem"
is under control, thanks to a wonder drug that did indeed save
my life, (when my heart stopped thrice), and while I no longer abuse
anything, that accursed monkey is still there, riding me like a two-dollar
mare, and reminding me a few times each day, that it's completely in control.

Yes, I'm alive and writing this because of it, and
as thankful as a human can be, truly, but I'm light-
years from the obliged kiss-off I dream about giving it.
You see, it creates another problem all its own, one they
don't tell you about when you start on "The Program", that
this particular monkey, while having the power to save your life,
is also the strongest, most tenacious monkey that exists, by FAR,
and the chance of you ever giving it that dreamed-about final goodbye,
are easily the longest odds you've ever had, especially with a weakened heart.

But you push your mind to try to remain thankful
nonetheless, because after all, you ARE still alive ...
alive and kicking and getting these wonderfully horrific
reminders each day, of just how little control and charge
and health and power you have over your own life ... alive
and moving through life like you have a giant condom on your
body and mind and emotions, not really FEELING or emoting or
experiencing much of anything in the way a human being SHOULD be,
but alive and breathing and functioning ... you ARE still alive  ... aren't you?

Smoke Signals To Jesus

Came, Sprawled couch,
 
His voice getting softer and softer
 
Slim
   Prayer,
Cheap sloping gimmick of N|Nature,
Madly 
Reaching
   Grabbing last splash
         of
Downed B|Banjo Bourbon… 
 
Mysterious radio Volume,
 
To Compromised bouncing,
 
As Middle of the Highway unrolled and Hugged
 
W|While they kissed and fooled Around.
 
Shadows fell across the Side-Walk
 
Shortly thereafter and Picked us Up.
 
Us in the Non-Plural

And non-Specific
 
Sense
 
And in other words
 
It wasn’t me
 
And I Didn’t see it Happen, Officer.
 
It was: Sullen Clouds with Guns, 
 
Shiv-Packing Ghosts of Spent Bodily Fluids, 
 
Thin Noncommittal Air and Water Junkies,
 
Suicidal Reverse Satellites Sodomizing Planet Earth without a Condom
 
And the Occasional Well Dressed middle-aged Detective.
 
 
 
“I once... was completely broke”
 
“and all I could dream about Was one last, long and perfect Cigarette”
 
“abandoned on a nice cool bed of grass"
 
"just waiting for me to lay there"
 
"Stare up at the sky, incinerate it"
 
"And send smoke signals on up to Jesus.”
 
 
Now wherever I go, 
 
I toss un-smoked Cancer onto lawns
 
In some feeble attempt 
 
T|To Send Help 
 
To me 
 
From the Future.
 
“As Far as I Can Tell”
 
“So far... It hasn’t Worked”
 
 
 
I Once Spat at the Sun and Missed
 
(For whatever Reason and Why)
 
And That night The Moon camed Unhinged with a Childish Squeal.
 
Fell One Mile (or However Far Heaven is Away)
 
And Landed, Splat on my Heart.
 
Its Been Broken Ever Since...
 
But lately 
 
I've Decided Not To try 
 
                       and Fix the C+Cracks.
 
They seam to Let the Light In.
 
 
Yes, Officer, Yes
 
 
(But Really, 
 
             I am in tune with the copulating rhythm of the Universe)
 
 
It Just Doesn't know how to Keep a Beat.
 
(And in Other Words)
 
(Yes, Officer, Yes)
 
I Am Implying that Tonight
 
I Called you He{a}re
 
To Report that the Universe
 
Just Stepped on my Toes.
 
(And I Would Like to File Charges)
 
 
 
--- "uh... Sir... I'm here about the car on Fire in your Front lawn..."
 
 
 
"Yes... I Know"
 
 
-thend-


Smoke Signals To Jesus

Came, Sprawled couch,
 
His voice getting softer and softer
 
Slim
   Prayer,
Cheap sloping gimmick of N|Nature,
Madly 
Reaching
   Grabbing last splash
         of
Downed B|Banjo Bourbon… 
 
Mysterious radio Volume,
 
To Compromised bouncing,
 
As Middle of the Highway unrolled and Hugged
 
W|While they kissed and fooled Around.
 
Shadows fell across the Side-Walk
 
Shortly thereafter and Picked us Up.
 
Us in the Non-Plural

And non-Specific
 
Sense
 
And in other words
 
It wasn’t me
 
And I Didn’t see it Happen, Officer.
 
It was: Sullen Clouds with Guns, 
 
Shiv-Packing Ghosts of Spent Bodily Fluids, 
 
Thin Noncommittal Air and Water Junkies,
 
Suicidal Reverse Satellites Sodomizing Planet Earth without a Condom
 
And the Occasional Well Dressed middle-aged Detective.
 
 
 
“I once... was completely broke”
 
“and all I could dream about Was one last, long and perfect Cigarette”
 
“abandoned on a nice cool bed of grass"
 
"just waiting for me to lay there"
 
"Stare up at the sky, incinerate it"
 
"And send smoke signals on up to Jesus.”
 
 
Now wherever I go, 
 
I toss un-smoked Cancer onto lawns
 
In some feeble attempt 
 
T|To Send Help 
 
To me 
 
From the Future.
 
“As Far as I Can Tell”
 
“So far... It hasn’t Worked”
 
 
 
I Once Spat at the Sun and Missed
 
(For whatever Reason and Why)
 
And That night The Moon camed Unhinged with a Childish Squeal.
 
Fell One Mile (or However Far Heaven is Away)
 
And Landed, Splat on my Heart.
 
Its Been Broken Ever Since...
 
But lately 
 
I've Decided Not To try 
 
                       and Fix the C+Cracks.
 
They seam to Let the Light In.
 
 
Yes, Officer, Yes
 
 
(But Really, 
 
             I am in tune with the copulating rhythm of the Universe)
 
 
It Just Doesn't know how to Keep a Beat.
 
(And in Other Words)
 
(Yes, Officer, Yes)
 
I Am Implying that Tonight
 
I Called you He{a}re
 
To Report that the Universe
 
Just Stepped on my Toes.
 
(And I Would Like to File Charges)
 
 
 
--- "uh... Sir... I'm here about the car on Fire in your Front lawn..."
 
 
 
"Yes... I Know"
 
 
-thend-

An Errand of Condom

Fast asleep,
Slumbering in the other world,
Spirit at work,
The future opened to the spirit,
Half dead,half alive,
The sweetness of the tongue,
The mind at peace,
The body ennui,
Ears opened wide to the earth,
Brain unstable as the hearth,
Fastness of the nose breath,
Echoes everywhere,
Thinking of being alive,
But in the spirit world,
My name banged in my ears,
The body weak to respond.
Trying to forget the voice, 
It keeps coming louder,
The spirit man on the pace,
In order not to miss the trace,
Could this be the herald race, 
Inner man arrives the body,
A sharp awakening of the body,
Still the voice wouldn't stop calling,
The body relaxes again,
Finally I sat on the rug,
And recognise the voice at the window,
Smiles at his face,
While the awaken one not happy,
His smiles grow,
My soul mow,
While I wait for his words,
He was not happy at this time,
His mouth unstable as water,
The smiles comes again,
''Don't be annoyed he said,
Please take this morning
And buy me condom
By the road side''.
Thrice I heard condom,
My ears stood erect,
Like service connected without airtime,
Mind at trouble,
How to say NO.
I left with the money to a distance,
And return with nothing,
Just to meet him at the door,
Sweat rolls like rain drops,
An embodiment of disgrace,
Mind speaking all sorts of shameful
Things to a brother, 
Sadness on his face,
As his request was not granted,
By the awakened one,
A dare devil he is,
The fair lady half naked,
My eyes almost dimed,
It flows in the blood,
Words mingled in the mind,
But the short man in the scene
Doesn't seems to be interested in mindset,
The lady try to spy on the errand boy,
Fear in the mind,
Door clapped,
A light voice in the dark,
''Take it easy''
Skin to skin I guess,
The sweetness of the game,
Pains of the waist,
Weakness of the body,
A painful pleasure,
Sex a destiny diverter,
''Women are wickedly good''
Trust and respect loss its hold,
Pellucid character of the short man,
The awakened sentenced to work,
Removing of water-leaf flowers,
Perish of his mind,
Wished in the mind,
He was a peeping tom.
Chia! His pernicious way to the family.
Form: Didactic

Aids Awareness

Ten years later, I didn't think I'd be here
Sitting in the corner, still wiping y tears
How your past comes back to haunt you
How your mistakes come back to hurt you
I was young and in love, promised many things
I had no one, he took me under his wings
Showed me a world I have never seen
He told me that he's never been with anyone
This will be his very first time, I smiled
Joy filled my heart, it was my first time too
I was on cloud nine, nothing could bring me down
Until he decided to stop coming around
I started to hear a lot of things, people started talking
I found out he's been around the block a time or two
But even after all this, I didn't question
Whether or not it was time to go get tested
Four months down the line and my belly started growing
I went to the doctor and he told me I was pregnant
Even so I still didn't want to go get tested
It wasn't until my ninth month that something clicked
It was my responsibility as a mother to go get checked
And I did and it made me feel proud
Until the doctor called and told me to sit down
It seems I have HIV and on top of that
Three other girls, who have been with him have the same disease
But my curse has a blessing, god spared my daughter
Her blood is clear of the disease, she doesn't have HIV
But here I am, ten years later, sitting in my room
Getting sicker as each day passes, there's no cure for this disease
I carry a great burden, my heart is full of pain
Who will take care of my little girl when i'm no longer here, 
How I wish I used a condom, I should have asked questions
I should have been patient and waited, until I got the answers
But I was in love and allowed my flesh to do the talking
If you think your mistakes don't bother the people around you
Your wrong and confused, they feel your pain too
If there is one thing I can say, to bring forth a better day
Don't wait, don't delay, go and get tested today
If you don't know nothing about the disease, get some information
It's available everwhere, It's right there for you to see
It's not stupid, it's the smart thing to do
Don't wait till it's too late
Don't wait until it happens to you
Form: Ballad

Ten Thousand Torturously Terrible Tom's Tidbits (Two)

12)Coddle- Two fish enrapt in love.

13)Mustard- A diarrhea victim who can wait no longer.

14)Jam Session- A gathering of sweet-toothed weirdos with various jams and 
jellies.

15)Coffee Table- An occasional table made of stale and hard coffee beans.

16)Condom- A very stupid prisoner.

17)Confederate- An inmate who nourishes his cellmate with food he sneaks 
from the mess hall.

18)Condiment- A mint left on the pillow of Condolezza Rice's hotel room bed.

19)Metaphor- The reason you met her.

20)Meteor Shower- Cleaning meteors in your shower.

21)Osmosis- A female relative of the Osmond Brothers.

22)Gradute- A successfully educated studend ingested by a cannibal.

23)Grab Bag- A purse snatcher's job.

24)Wind Instrument- A guitar lifted and tossed in a hurricane.

25)Destitute- A broke prostitute.

26)Easygoing- Being tied in a wheelchair and pushed down the steepest street 
in San Francisco.

27)Castrated- Judging who belongs in what pecking order in the movie cast.

28)Animosity- Dislike of mice.

29)Barn Dance- A group of barns dancing in a hurricane.

30)Carpeting- Gently stroking an automobile you love.

31)Chirk- A Cherokee idiot.

32)Coddle- Embracing your fish prior to frying.

33)Extraterrestials- Coming from another planet, or from Camden, New Jersey.

34)Hail Mary- A religious woman bombarded in a hail storm.

35)Hair Dresser- The absurd practice of putting dresses on one's head.

36)Homely- When poor ugly Lee is home.

37)Antacid- A psychological hallucinogenic drug favoered by hippy garden 
insects.

38)Moron- An overdressed person of limited intelligence with far too much 
cologne on.

39)Precession- The last days leading up to an economic downturn.

40)Martial Arts- Paintings done by Western town Sheriffs.

41)Spouse- A married rodent.

42)Consort- Dividing criminals by crime categories.

43)Debaunchery- When de bunch of us Brooklyn guys goes out on de town.

44)Drag Queen- When us guys from Brooklyn beat up and haul around 
somebuddy from Queens.

45)Dragoon- Da dumb guy from Queens dat we got above.
© Tom Bell  Create an image from this poem.
Form: Burlesque

Relationship Epidemic (Outlook)

As I pick up where I left off from the Intro
I bring you the Outlook as I peer through relationships like a window
The chance of seeing real love is narrow
It seems Cupid doesn't know where to aim his arrow
Cupid my Cupid 
How could you be so stupid
The way girls treat boys
Like toys
The way boys treat girls 
Like squirrels
Got them going nuts
Teens and adolescence in love?
You must be nuts
Ages 13-19 is filled with lust
Their conscience still underveloped
They don't know who to trust
20s-30s
That age group can slide
Because at some point they have a hunch about what they want inside
That's the flagship age to get married
Couple says vows
Bride gets carried
These days it seems no one wants to be single
Once you pop you can't stop
Sex is like Pringles
I guess it's ok
As long as its safe
If you're in love with your partner don't let the feelings be fake
Children wait until you're older to get under those covers
And if your hormones rage out of control shake hands with a rubber (condom)
Most teen girls hate the feeling of latex
Then goo goo ga ga
The babies are born next
I'm just calling it how I see
Relationship game is dirty so I'll be the referee
All of a sudden the world is in love
My God it's sickening
As i write this my pulse is quickening
Now now some couples really do love
Til Death Do They Part 
To the world above
I just think the word "love" is greatly misused
The Constitution of Love
So often abused
Our society thinks it's amusing
Fifteen year old in love?
Doesn't it sound confusing
Maybe it don't to you
But it does to me
They are wasting emotions
Unrenewable energy
It's a shame
Love is no game
It's more like a lion
Waiting to be tame
From what I observed couples aren't the same
Whether the pair is nameless
Or enshrouded with fame
Real love is too far up
Way above our aim
I'm in my right mind
I'm definetly sane
That's why everyone is hurting
Because love is pain
I'm still researching
My mind is my reference book
Ch. 2 of the Relationship Epidemic
The Outlook


Ch. 3 (Females) Coming Soon...
Form: Rhyme

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