Kilt Poems

Trews

When the wind chimes high
when the wind chimes low
through the links
in his kilt he'll go
all the lassies say hello
Donald where's your troosers?
A slimy heel slippery eel
tho' no feared he'd take the fall(s)
he lost his breeks on the course
where caddies dropped (all) his ball(s)

With apologies to Andy Stewart (1933 – 1993)

Scotland

I couldn't give a toss for the caber
cromach bagpipes sporran or kilt
(a fling's the thing)
and you can stick your dirk in your haggis
up to its bog-wood hilt
yet I'd like to hike through the heather
on happy Sassenach holidays
see the scenery admire the view
along Scottish hilly highways and byways
to pick a pink-purple thistle or two
and should I come upon a hairy Highland cow
on the hoof in a friendly farmer's flink fold
(for protection from the cold)
in no uncertain terms I would declare
"I say to you, hoo noo broon coo?"
och aye no sooner said than done
than perchance from the Caledonian bovine one
the reply too true in a Scots burr would come...
'Moo!'

Kilt Atilt

there once was a man from Kingsbury
who put on his kilt in a hurry
	in a bit of a flap
	he forgot his jockstrap
a chill wind put him in a flurry

Kilt the Look

A certain poise, the bagpipes lack
Not being rude, it’s just a fact
The kilt is first-rate
The rest, not so great
Red in the face, squeezing your sack

Stone Cold

Dan, Dan, was a popular man
had a plaid for his homeland clan
	his kilt it slipped
	cold breeze it nipped
less popular now than he began

Kilt Tilt

A girl on the Tube stared at my crouch 
Her mum sat there and tried not to watch
Then mum's face turned red 
As she softly said,
"She thinks that is where I get my Scotch"

Kilt Pattern To Design a Quilt

we had used a kilt
pattern to design a quilt
which was soft as silt

No Kilt For Milt

Never look back and be eaten up with guilt
Try to correct what you did in the future
I remember the first time I showed up in a kilt
Never look back and be eaten up with guilt
Everyone said, “Not for you my friend, Milt,”
Truthfully, I think it is a matter of culture
Never look back and be consumed with guilt
Try to correct what you did in the future.

I remember the first time I showed up in a kilt
Everyone said, “Not for you my friend, Milt,”
Never look back and be eaten up with guilt.
Try to correct what you did in the future,
Truthfully, I think it is a matter of culture
At the time, I thought it a worthwhile venture.

 
Written July 8, 2021
[This is a “trionet,” a form I invented which combines
the traditional triolet with the 14-line sonnet. The
rhyme scheme is ABaAabAB  AAABBb.]

The Kilt

Do you know why Scottish people call it a kilt? 
Because they kilt the last man who called it a skirt!

Lass of a Man

The man was strong
The man was bold
Didn't listen to the rest unfold

He took in his culture, pride
He wore his kilt, with pride
Did it make him less of a man? Sigh.
Did it make a lass of the man? Wry.

Forgo these ancient thoughts
That make the thinker less of a human
Drought over their eyes 
To see a proud man in a kilt

Clan Douglass

The noble house rom the Scottish Lowlands
with the green, white, and blue bands.
The green for the salamander 
resting on a bed of amber. 

Although, factually, our monuments are ruins,
The kilt has a hint of blue in.
Having an appearance in the 12th century, 
The history and descendants will never lose energy 

Never behind as it appears on the crest 
still stands today as it is above the rest.
Having no chief does not scare them,
for William Douglass was their original gem.

The nobleness of the first earl
Caused him to have a little girl 
And those his children were considered "illegitimate", 
They would have never allowed the clan to ascent.

Scotsman's Warmth

Bagpipes conveying the delight
Of a country filled with insight
Swinging their kilts in accord
With their song of joy, so adored
They color the world in green
Appreciating the good queen
Awakening a world to glean
~
Gaelic poetry and prose will sigh
Through the echoes of a blue sky
That reminisce with kilts so bright
Laughter harmonizing despite
The blessed stanzas and rhymes
Poems alive with a joyful times
That focuses on more than crimes
~
The Scotsman has reported the fact
That we shouldn’t ever overreact
We should keep remembering the past 
History and the mystery so steadfast
Lives that knew blessings to the hilts
And hearts that liked wearing kilts
Certainly never feeling swell of guilts







Scotland One Rule Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Julia Ward
March 2, 2021

Tit 4 Tat

The Captain's new wife was "true blue"
Whilst he stayed The Wives Club main screw
But rather than pout
When the Captain was out
She serviced his troops two by two

The Scotsman's Kilt

A Scotsman bought a kilt to swing.
So he could do The Highland Fling.

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out.
Then everyone began to shout.

Watch out Jean, it has been seen.
A gust of wind revealed the thing.

What could it be that Scotsman's got
'neath his skirt that caused such shock?

Calm down all, it's just a leg.
He was born that way, with an extra peg.

Aussie Kilt

Aussie stood in his chaff bag kilt,
bandy knees, didna give it, it's tilt,
the steam was arising too,
just come from woolloloo,
shiela said "man, Gawd but he's built."

thanks Dave Williams....

Nette,
if ya got it flaunt it,
some shiela said that's torn, wit,
Aussie kilts are yet denied,
though we have the Scottish pride,
just a promise it will fit:)


Don Johnson

• Short Kilt Poems
• Famous Kilt Poems
• Best Kilt Poems
• Read Kilt Poems
• Long Kilt Poems
• Kilt Quotes