He doesn’t bleed where I see it.
His wounds live quieter than that~
in the way he paces long after
the day is done,
mind spinning like a ceiling fan
that never quite shuts off.
He carries his hurt in overthinking,
turning small moments into puzzles
he feels responsible for solving.
He carries it in irritability too~
that sharp edge that appears
not because he’s angry,
but because he’s tired
of holding himself together.
Some days he moves through the house
like he’s wrapped in winter—
emotional numbness settling over him
like frost spiders on a windowpane.
I gently tap the glass,
hoping warmth will seep through.
Perfectionism becomes his armor,
each task a shield he polishes
until it gleams just right.
Relaxing feels dangerous,
like setting the armor down
might invite the world
to strike again.
But then in the softest moments~
I see the boy he once was,
the one who learned too early
to be careful with himself.
And I realize
he’s just trying to survive
in the only ways he knows.
And loving him
means noticing the wounds
that never maKE a sound.
When I’m not tapped into a music stream.
I like quiet
no - let’s be exact,
I like silence
ear plugs in - deafening quiet
or better yet, noise cancelled anti-sound
That’s relatively new technology
My mom mentioned new studies suggest it may rewire things
gray matter wise, you know, behind the eyes
like the patterns sound forms in sand.
But if you’re going to scramble my mind
your going to have to wait in line behind
bland 21-year-old issues like:
sleep deprivation
hormonal fluctuations
romantic fog
case study competitions
business model design games (REALGAME)
deductive logic puzzles
irritability and mood swings
mental bandwidth anxiety
cognitive confusion
information overload
assignment stress
premenstrual syndrome
compulsive coping mechanisms
career anxiety
sexual frustration
multitasking shifts (schedule)
canon events (existential dilemmas)
culture shock (new environment)
feeling “scrambled”
family pressures
So, yeah. let’s fn Jettison headphone worries - MOM - shall we??!
.
.
Right Now by The Creatures
A Girl In Trouble (Is a Temporary Thing) by Romeo Void
Your Turn to Run by Malaria!
When I am silent, I would love to hide my feelings
But I hide absolutely nothing
Feelings pop out of my face like measles
Or pimples if am feeling irritated, grouchy, angry or sad.
Everyone is not an empath
But you do not have to be sensitive to read me
I am no poker face; I have tremendous tells
Silence has become one of my main reactions
To anger, sadness, irritability
Or if I feel someone is a moron, which happens more frequently these days
I use silence most of the time
Enthusiasm, excitement and joy plunge me out of silence
Gluttony
visible, expression
eating, drinking, excess
Irritability, dizziness, hunger, nausea
dehydration, fatigue, stress
lethargy, spirit, strong
Fasting
8/20/24
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2024©
In fiery red costumes, anger dances fire ablaze.
Anxiety, pain, and isolation, from within, gaze
Garlands of skulls, bones, and spun veins are worn invisibly.
Bloody tongue ladle, like that of a hound, quizzically
Irritability, stress, and strain are in full posture.
Arrogance, annoyance, and aggression are their gestures.
Hostility, powerlessness, and rage in ballet blend
Assumptions amalgamate with negative assessments.
Veerbhadra, Narasimha, and Mahakali unite.
With Lyssa, Medusa, and Nemesis, they seem to fight.
As the butterfly and dragonfly metamorphosis
The dance of anger ends with a congruous catharsis.
Chest pain grips as anxiety fills the room
Or cornered I grasp a resting broom
Neck pain lingers and feelings of doom
Sadness at times fills the house with gloom
Exercising left long ago, enter old age woes
Quadragenarian no more~ whoa!!
Upset stomach, feeling overwhelmed
Energetic no more at forced helmed
No motivation, they've cooked my goose
Change in every part of my body, thoughts abstruse
Emotions ready to explode, anger and irritability
Social withdrawal on downhill side of durability
When a person goes their own way, the choices they make will always have consequences which can sometimes lead to stress with the end results of the above problems.
Midst his playfulness,
I could find gracefulness;
Midst pugnacity,
Great amicability;
Bravery wrapped in fear,
Foolishness enveloped cheer;
He chased rats and cats,
And humans he thought burglars;
His irritability outwitted sociability,
Aggressiveness withstood passivity;
Seeming treachery,
Couldn’t hide his loyalty;
It’s hence when he died for me,
To protect me from an accident to be;
Words like defender or Savior,
I found, could never define his behavior...
11 January 2022
Going home
He had come back different, or maybe he had never really come back at all.
It had changed him; now eyes withdrawn, furtive,
Looking out into someplace, somewhere within his own mind.
Even in sleep, never really at ease.
Twitchy with dreams and mumbled words.
Sometimes awakened, sitting but not really there.
Worsening as time unfolded,
Gripped in the mind and body,
Abetted by liquor and chemicals.
Counselors seen for the edginess, irritability, bad dreams.
The distances from family widened,
First gradual withdrawal, then full retreat.
No answers, only tears and anger.
Until now laid to rest.
David Holmes
March 5, 2021
A drizzly wind-swept day atop a hill;
The white markers with chiseled family names and dates to then surround him.
As they gathered in the wind,
The mournful plangent sound
Of the piper in kilt swept over them,
Bringing rest, bringing closure.
.
~Yes, I Know I Won't Be Here Forever~
Sometimes, I just don't realize,
How golden my minutes are.
I sit around and criticize,
Like a hapless drunk in a bar.
Yes, I know I won't be here forever!
The decades, as dreams, swiftly pass,
My irritability gets the best of me.
I complain too much and sass,
Surprised I am not banished to sea.
Yes, I know I won't be here forever!
I never seem to fully appreciate,
That each minute never is coming back.
Time to love and not to berate,
All the beauty God laid in my life's track.
Yes, I know I won't be here forever!
June, 19, 2020
Poem# 1254
6:30pm PST
It's becoming obvious we're half soulmates.
Silence is increasing, and it's an uncomfortable silence.
Irritability is also on the incline.
(grade 60 sandpaper against the skin)
Those delicate gestures are on the steep decline.
(a runaway semi).
Not to offend each other, we've suppressed what's felt or not.
The easily offended zone is becoming wider.
We've become each other's short chain.
Silos filled with scurry void of golden life-giving things
The children are gone; this house is made of bones.
What we have is a slowly rotting heart garden.
Where no rose would ever dare to go.
Manual labor, sweating, straining, backs sore
Obnoxious and stubborn behaviors, family upset
Violent screaming, threats, tears,
Irritability, tiredness, insomnia
Nasty moods and attitudes
Grumping, griping, grunting, gripping,
Disappointment, disillusionment, despair,
Anger that we left our family and our real home
Yearning to believe things will be better here
Guess who??? yup... it's Happy Jack coming your way
Can't keep a good man down, heard somebody say
Taking estrogen pills
To reduce my female ills
And help with my hot flashes and irritability each day
DEPRESSION
Diarrhea of the brain
Tiredness in my bones
Trouble focusing and concentrating
Unhappiness feelings over thrown
Anger in my blood
Irritability shaken adult syndrome
Frustration floating in my cranium
Loss of interest in pleasures
Of fun activities too much or too little
Sleep issues, eyes crying eating facial tissues
No energy, wake up tired blood vessels
Blah! Blah! Blah!
Craving unhealthy foods, put the Die is diabetes
Anxiety isolation... robbed a candy store got the munches
feelings of severe despondency and dejection.
I got self-doubt creeping and that is swiftly turning into my real reflection
"depression"
For Contest: Depression
Sponsored by: Lewis Raynes
2/26/18
©2018
Sleep insomnia keeps you up each night
Seems the Sandman ignores your existence upon his flight
No fun to be had as your energy is depleted each day
Lifeless, still mundane tedious tasks and responsibilities must go under way
Sneezing wondering if you're allergic at first glance of the sun
Wearing dark shades you don't care for the brightness of the sunshine none
For what you really crave is sleep
Crazy tiresome odd hours awake you do keep
Moods are up and down without stability
Creates frustrating irritability
Overtired because you can't take a nap
From small children you wish a small amount of their energy you could zap
Coffee doesn't help do the trick no matter how strong
Oh sweet sleep where have you been?it's been far too long
A vampire is a questionable possibility maybe
In time it catches up and you crash harder than a baby
Melancholy feeling of defeat
Exhausting cycle continues to repeat
Beneath my skin she dwells
She makes the surface itch
Cooking up her spells
Plotting her next pitch
I imagine an ugly creature
Looks like the devil's soul
Not a single pleasant feature
Scaly skin and teeth of coal
She fidgets when I rest
Concocting wicked dreams
And when she's at her best
Night terrors end in screams
Her breath tastes of hate
The stench has found my tongue
My nerves become irate
RAGE pollutes my lungs
Through my eyes, you see
Her soul and not mine
Who I never wished to be
Once upon a time
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