Funny Husband Poems | Examples
These Funny Husband poems are examples of Husband poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Husband Funny poems written by international poets.
I said, "Since I got my brand-new dentures today,
can we maybe try some new adventures today?"
She said, "I think I have to wait a bit ~
That new smile! I just can't get used to it.
So, let's do the same old adventures tonight, okay ~
after we pray?"
My husband is like a ripening pumpkin
Loves to lie down inert on the ground, most of the time.
Lack of exercises has made his belly bloat,
Like pumpkin, that now he looks a comic sight.
A pumpkin carved in shape with a light inside,
Serves as an adornment in Halloween season.
Though funny to view, he is beautiful inside,
With a light shining bright all through the seasons.
As the pumpkins are so versatile and can be put to use,
In making a number of dishes, both sweet and savory,
He has multi talents and adds so much of spice to my life,
That without him, I will be like a flat tyre with no spare!
LONELINESS
The times I shared with you
The laughter we also had
You helped me through with good days
And supported me with the bad.
The winter is setting in now love
The fire I guess keeps me warm
Remember the funny old times
Where we sat up till dawn.
I think of these memories
I smile when I think of you
I cry because you are not with me
I laugh at the silly things we used to do.
The house is now quiet
The kids grown, now left Home
Nothing but photos and loneliness
Is in this house with me alone.
I know I will see you again one day
But for now we are departed
Not for long love, I miss you so
Missing you with all my heart.
So please spare a place for me
Right next to your side
I'll be there when I can
And when the time is right.
Then we two shall be together again
Loneliness will be gone forever more
Hand in hand we will walk again
Down to heavenly doors.
My husband is over protective.
Less stress is his doctor's objective.
But with two teens at home,
Always on the damn phone,
"Let go" isn't always effective!
My teen daughter is always respectful.
But with chores she is ever forgetful.
Leaving notes doesn't help,
So I tried Grampas belt,
Now we laugh on the floor as we wrestle!
Too many pets with too many holes!
What goes in them from their cute pet bowls,
Comes out of more than just one,
If I don't clean it's not done,
Making me ill seems to be their goals!
No so funny, man,
Feeding me spam,
Morbidly yours, all right,
More verbs, how blight,
Don't waste your words,
You're beyond absurd,
Negative chaff and chatter,
Really does not matter,
Get over yourself,
Get off that shelf,
Go get a life,
Signed, your only wife!
No one believes your spam,
Morbidly yours, now scram!
John did not try hard with his first wife
she was married, he was not
second wife cheated on him
served him right, he deserved that.
third wife was an accident.
They had gotten drunk in Vegas
Too many chapels there
and too many drinks
Fourth wife thought saying “I am his fourth” was funny
Her disposition was dour, she stopped being sunny.
He got tired of her sense of humor.
Fifth wife died of a cancerous leg tumor.
At age ninety-two he just married wife number twenty-one.
Wishing he had tried harder with wife number one.
I'm right here
But yet you don't see me near
I'm not sure what to do
And it makes me blue
I've tried to work on us so much
And it still feels like not enough
You won't meet me halfway
So that sucks in many ways
I don't have a job or money
So that is not funny
I feel sometimes I should go away
Cause I doubt you will miss me anyway
I've been here a long time
That my song is way to long
Hoping for better days
As of every new sun ray
I need a new beginning
Cause i can only do so much and i am not winning
So I'm right here but I'm not singing
onyun soups a bind that ties
spousey wins pulitzer prize
recipe steeped
in onyuns weeped
so tasty it closes eyes.
in this mug chicken noodles
spousey makes whole caboodles
evry single day
chases colds away
gets me back to my doodles.
If bathtubs grew onions
then feet might have bunions
that stink as well as get sore
If you can't remove all the dirt
your toes will sure hurt ~
that your husband
will ignore as he snores
When I was a young girl I wanted to find true love, and I thought I knew
what love was.
But soon I would figure out what true love wasn't.
It wasn't the time he took my dog
to the pound and lied telling them he found him roaming on his property, just so he could
get rid of him.
It wasn't the time his jealousy made him
attempt to break me and my fiance apart with
his lies and hurt ego.
It's funny how time teaches you, and how
the mistakes one makes in life actually helps you to eventually see a persons true colors.
It wasn't you, it was me, yes I wanted to go.
I'm glad I was that young girl who got a
second chance to find true love.
I'm forever grateful I was stopped
by a handsome, caring, loving, and honest
officer who gave me advice and my first
ticket for true love.
We have been married for twenty nine years,
and God smiles every time he sees us together.
Back during World War 11 -
written on the backs of envelopes
NORWICH
reveals our parent’s were quite, naughty too.
In a roundabout way, saying,“Get ready to screw”-
I never had a clue; Mum knew
“kNickers Off Ready When I Come Home”.
I thought NORWICH- was where Dad was located.
Handy ACRONYM sadly outdated
there was a young man from Seville
whose wife's voice was chillingly shrill
he said please shut up
he’d more than enough
sending him looking for advil!
(caveat: no endorsement of product intended)
I have a woman.
I’m proud to call her my wife.
Some give theirs’ nicknames, ‘her indoors’ and ‘the trouble and strife’
Now, I have my flaws and they are many and vast.
I think like a man, slowly and ‘at last’!
But my wife asks me to hang the washing out in the rain!
Her argument for using the balustrade and radiators to me seems pretty lame!
They dry out too quickly!
They dry out too fast!
So, while it’s overcast and drizzling the wind will still give them a blast!
Now, I have a chunter as I’m stood outside getting my bald head wet! She says that there’s sense in her logic though I can’t see it being approved by Spock from Star Trek!
If they get wet we can give them a spin! Then wait for some sunshine to hang them out again!
The weather app says it’s going to clear up - so that’s what you’ll do. Get out there in the drizzle and hang the washing out you fool.
The pink polka-dot nightgown, made you look like a funny clown. Wrong tag on the gift box, my husband really needs socks. On your face you wore a silly frown.
Date Written: 12/14/2022
7 Place
A DECEMBER MEMENTO Poetry Contest Sponsored by: Andrea Dietrich