Holiday Hilarious Poems

Have you ever been forgetful
When you're busy with a lot on your mind
As I do from time to time
Or just like me a scatterbrain

Like talking...

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Yule dinner mishap.
Menu chosen, peon chef;
Lactose –explosion!
...

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'Twas the twilight of the year, a twinkling tiara,
December 31st, digits dancing dunes in the Sahara.
One, two, three, one, two, three, it's a prance,
A numerical...

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She opened her gifts on Christmas morn
Beneath the paper, a gift she’d scorn
Lacey Panties unflawed
She thought, "what a tightwad!"
Panties in a wad since they’d been...

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Candy canes, sugar cookies and more
Sneaking joy into stockings galore
Except for Uncle Bob
Who was always a slob
His held brush, comb and blade he’d ignore




I Need...

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On a snow covered beach in the middle of Summer
Basking in the gloominess of a dark so much glummer
There lived a cow who the cowboy...

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Heading into Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Men, 
In search of a stable.

Heading out of Bethlehem ...
Three Wise Turkeys,
While they were - still able....

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H – Have Yourself a Messy Little Christmas
I   -        IMPROVISATION
L – Little Drummer Bouy
A – Auld...

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Christmas came to the town of Asheville
Each one asked St. Nick for a treadmill
Instead, he gave them bikes
Treating them all like tikes
Then he told them...

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Looking back, one thing comes clean-glass clear
you were always there for me subduing every fear.

I tried to do my duty, be a husband strong and...

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AUSSIE OUTBACK CHRISTMAS
Comin' 'ome in an aussie sleigh,
ol' tractor ute with a rusty tray,
with a big branch of Gum, it be
the Christmas tree .
hard to...

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On the short little drive up 17
was the smell of a land we'd quarantined
Where the place we went through wasn't quite as bad
as the hell...

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Spartan

Some men are born to play, 
and some… are not.
To them life is without common joy,
at least the kind others partake. 
But it is instead...

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Getting ready for a New Years chin dig 
I purchased a new fancy schmancy wig
and bubbly for chilling; 
I'm ready and willing
to pare, next year...

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Holly Day Cheer, Oy Vey

Lemme breathe smoke free air, okay
devoid of exhaust from swarm
(bajillion) enroute without delay
Santas Clauses gas guzzling 
hybridized motorized sleigh,
coordinating global deliveries,...

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