Hernia Poems | Examples

Cross-Eyed Chickens

There's nothing funnier than a cross-eyed chicken
With legs the size of your arm
The Chicken Emporiums would sure love to know 
The name of this progressive farm

Aside from the unnerving cross-eyed feature
The implications are really immense
Imagine a leg on your plate so humongous
You wouldn't know where to commence

The cross-eyed feature might cause some concern
If the patrons viewed this poor old bird
Before it was rendered suitable for consumption
It sure looked hilariously absurd

The cross eyes were caused by trying to eject
A super sized extra large egg
Probably gave the poor brave chicken a hernia
Before passing it, for mercy it begged

Such is the way of us civilized humans
Thinking of our bellies all day
Paying no attention to these cross-eyed chickens
As they dance to the hen house ballet

hhmmmmm

All Summer Long

It was ugly,
a misshapen ball, creviced 
and bulging on one side
as if a hernia had pushed
through the lining just beneath
its skin - I held it in my hands,
lifted it to my nose to get the full
depth of its smell
then took a bite, unleashing
a burst of tomato, sweet, tart,
full flavored 
like the warm, plump, 
blood red ones I would sneak
from the prized crop my father
grew in our backyard
that graced the table
with thick slices of ruddy goodness
sprinkled with salt and pepper
and spread upon a white oval plate
all summer long.

Ever Sniffed a Dollar Bill

It's impossible to hum with your nose blocked
Don't try it you'll give yourself a hernia
About two hundred babies are born every minute
Guess there's not much doing in suburbia
 
Dust under your bed is your own dead skin
Unbelievable but that's what they say
There are more nerve cells in the human brain
Than there's stars in the Milky Way

The water you drink has already been drunk
By others, what a charming thought
Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes
That's not something I think of a lot

A million dollars in one hundred dollar bills
Weighs only about twenty-two pounds
A disposable diaper holds seven pounds of pee
That's too much information I've found

97% of money contains a trace of cocaine
Have you sniffed your dollar bills of late
The glue on Israeli stamps is certified kosher
This leaves me in an overwrought state

10 million bricks are in the Empire State Building
Masons surely had a heavy load
That's it for now but there'll be more to follow
Keep an eye out for them down the road

She Can'T Sleep Tonight

she can't sleep tonight
i listen to her vent
i rub her belly like in the early years when she had the stomach hernia
i pray for any type of flatulence to behave
tonight it sleeps in, and i say a exclamatory Prayer of Thanks in a very low whisper

she can't sleep tonight
we stare at the ceiling in the quiet darkness
i rub her belly like in the early years when she had the stomach hernia
she smiles as she begins to relax,
which, in turn, helps me to do the same

she can't sleep tonight
we do silly things in the midst of the wonderful feeling of the queen size bed
i rub her belly like in the early years when she had the stomach hernia
the snores come quietly
then they increase in tolerable normalcy

Linguistics 3 My Tonology Hypothesis 1

Igbo Sex Words I have observed
Are High-Low Tone steady bearers:
To ‘High-Low’ markedly reserved,
Save in ears of tone-deaf hearers…

All her words for Male Genital
Picked by ears not from hospital
And Females’ one’s ears digital;
To Proof subject in Capital 
As though her sex words tactical
Even word for Scrotal Hernia 
When pronounced and one’s ears are near:
The word in question her ‘ibi,’
In tone a rhyme with farm’s ‘Ubi’;
Also, her word for ‘The Hip,’
When it drops from one’s testing lip;
The word for “Buttock’ included,
Just her word for ‘Breast’ excluded...

I dare say “Wonderful language, 
Since her Sex Words The Sex Act stage,
Before Sex human strength quite high
Like their First Syllables are high
And Ali Baba killed goes low
Just as their Seconds are all low.

Medical Procedures

Two hip replacements and a bypass
(Triple) of the heart,
A brand-new valve and, very soon,
A pacemaker will start.

An operation on the spine
To help unpinch a nerve;
A cataract procedure
Coming soon, but on reserve.

A trip to the E.R. – 
A diverticulosis scare
And several months ago
There was a hernia repair.

So many that I know have reached
That Medicare-form stage.
That what’s to be expected,
If we’re living, as we age.

Emerald Faerie Princess and Lord Dragon Master Learn a Lesson

Emerald Faerie Princess was eager to Find Lord Dragon Master
She had heard that he could fly her to England much faster
So many said he would be hiding in a farmer’s sweet pasture.
She used her magic wand, the super cosmic wish blaster.

The wish blaster instantly got her to a corn field that night.
But wise Lord Dragon Master was nowhere in sight.
Emerald Faerie Princess searched with all of her might.
A frog with a hernia gave her some new insight.

Lord Dragon Master has a toothache he has gone to get fixed.
She wondered if the frog’s information was a little bit mixed.
She knew that Lord Dragon Master had teeth that could chew cotton,
But she thought they were invincible so they never got rotten.

The frog hopped away after he had given his message of doom.
Right then Lord Dragon Master flew in with a witch on a broom.
I got your message yesterday and your invitation on Zoom,
He said to the faerie. So, you can ignore all the gloom.

He gave her a ride to England that very same night.
They adventured and partied and saw many a light.
She curtseyed to the queen, and she met an old knight.
And they learned that frogs often tell fibs with delight.

Deva's Vetoed

Hot shot in my head writhing the guz let it swim in the round to twirl around the world charm junky paty you can see it Jennifer can't wait can you dusty cobwebs frothing mouth full of hit  session doesn't matter really the body doesn't belong here anymore let it flow diagram illustrating the river Seine flowing through my belly dance of a serpent coiling around the intestinal tract cranial sacral therapy and rehabilitation services don't go. Trees change in the summer when I was thinking of a great gift for you my sweet love sucks the soul deadwood eats one up. Traipsing through your brain giving me a hernia and aneurysm. Bleed line the all-in-one communication. I lie down for the doctor tomorrow morning they are taking me to the down stairs department. I can't wait!

Rfid Chips

I once had corrective surgery, a hernia operation,
and was asked if I would authorize a scan of my palm,
so that in the event I showed up unconscious during an emergency,
they could access my medical records immediately.
It sounded like a good idea at the time to me, 
so I signed a waiver stating that I agreed.
Big mistake on my part unfortunately,
because as a secondary precaution apparently, 
in case my palm got mangled and was impossible to read,
I authorized an RFID chip to be implanted in me during surgery.
This was a deliberate act in the field of medicine.
It is getting more difficult to trust any one.
Remember this if you are ever in need of surgery.
Never sign any waiver without reading all that fine print completely,
or you will end up a tagged target, just like me.

Not the Best Medicine

I disagree that laughter is the best medicine.
I got a hernia from laughing and was in constant pain,
and every time I'd laugh thereafter, the pain returned intensively again.
I've since had corrective surgery, but laughing is not the same.
I'm afraid that I'll rupture my corrective surgery if I start laughing again, 
and be back in that world of chronic pain,
that will only intensify when I again start laughing.

Nhs - No Heating, Sorry

Went to St Richards early today
Had an appointment so that was okay
The problem is this; I went in with a hernia
But when I came out... I had hyperthermia

Whilst no radiator did radiate heat
And I was laid out like a chilled cut of meat
The staff got abuse from a quite irate geyser
‘I'm going to Iceland to sit in the freezer’

They prodded and scanned me right down to my toes
And broke off the icicle hung from my nose
They asked if I'd registered my next of kin
I said, ‘That's her there with the goosebumpy skin’

When they lifted my gown and asked me to cough
They snapped what they thought was an icicle off
The chill numbed the pain as they whipped off my wheener
So I went in as Terry and came out as Tina

Poetic Constipation

I'm on a roll, no stopping me now
It would give me a hernia, holy c-c-cow
Stuff would seize up
My butt would slam shut
Poetic constipation it would surely fall-ow

How a Hiatus Hernia Feels

If Jane carries heavy bags
She feels sharp pain
Whether she sits up
Or laying in bed
Heaviness she feels
A rock on her chest
This is called a Hiatus
    hernia
In time it gets worse
It'll be hard to breeze
That is when relief is
     found
Surgery is done
So until that time comes
Jane has to wait
For the surgery
To relieve her pain

Losers' Lament

Swallowing hard the slain,
Gritting teeth like  gnats;
Toss your card nonchalantly and move.
Even if your ears ring like bells;
Don’t get the hernia over it,
Frothing wont smoothen the slit.
The bait has died out;
For neon thighs come with a jaunty cough.

More Than a Heartwarming Gesture

i booked this trip
just to see the look
on your face

it sounds cliché, but
your reactions are 
priceless

when we get over that
bridge, i knew that i had
made the right choice

it is in the smile of your
voice

during this trip, you forget
that you are a first timer in
a last chance society

you have been working so 
hard just to stay afloat for
so many years

despite the pain that your 
stomach hernia causes you 
at times....you keep it movin'

i felt you deserved to be rewarded
for that

sometimes in life what you do for others
is more satisfying than the simplest of self 
satisfaction

i too discover that i have lots left to learn
through the way you carry yourself even in
this paradise

thank God for me not listening to the other 
side of my reluctance....i would probably still
be leaving footprints in the collected powder
dust in the corner and feeling sorry for myself

going and being anywhere with you is like 
upgrading the prosperity of my overall well-
being and wealth....

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