Grousing Poems

Hermit Crab's Cushion

(first stanza only for contest)

We hermit crabs smile at our grousing
a crack in my shell needs espousing. 
   I spy a cigarette; 
  the filter, perfect fit -
could it cushion my cleft in housing?

If filters could help tummy’s small crack
better shell I won’t have to hijack.
   Should I try a quick smoke
   while I  nit-pick and croak?
Then laziness can get back on track.

Hernley Grouses and Gripes

I wanted a larger sombrero, the spoiled child said.
Weird since she had a ten-gallon hat on her head
That’s all you are getting, her mother said sternly.
But she kept grousing and griping, this child named Hernly.

Her grandmother said “Fine, I will take the hat as my own.”
Hernly had such a fit, she was soon all alone
Except for her old-school grandmother who had a flyswatter.
What are you doing? Asked the naïve spoiled granddaughter.

We Liked Tailor Very Much

Tailor had a circuit, he arrived three times a year to sew us up
He used to have a cat, a fish, a dog, a wife and a pup
The wife got tired of the traveling and took the pets to settle down
She was fed up with the hassle of always moving town to town.

Tailor loved his life, and did not much miss his wife.
She had been a harpy, grousing most of their married life.
But he did miss the dog and the cat, and especially the fish.
To get a new pet was his fervent wish.

Tailor brought along his sewing machine, materials, zippers and such.
The people in my town liked him more than a little, actually, very much.
We took up a collection and bought him an orangutan to travel with.
He made him a three-piece suit, and named him Little Kith.

grousing about old news

he was a narcissist, egotistical and puffed up
I wanted him to leave, she groused, but he never would.
No one would help me.
this is her weekly lament.
I prayed he would go off with someone else.
I have her on speaker, so I do not have to reply.
She thinks I am still listening.
He was stuck up and pretentious.
there is a pause….

But he did leave you, I reminded her.
God did help you.

She has been twelve years a widow.
Why she cannot let this go, I have no idea.

Grousing Griping Animal Band

The animals took turns being leader of the band.
Today it was squirrel's turn, he marched onto our land.
The fox was pouting, for he said he never got a turn.
This made the moose mad, he did a slow burn.

They each need to be the leader, the tiny mouse said.
The bear stuck out his tongue, the fox turned all red.
I should be the permanent leader, hoot owl argues.
The moose got annoyed, and began clinking his shoes.

Santa Frog

Santa came down with a horrible cold.
Had to interview everyone – young and old.
Elves finally chose a frog big and bold
Whose steed was a hen from Farmer Mold.

What about a sleigh? Asked many of us.
This issue was foremost, we did discuss.
How can a frog do it? We asked elf named Gus.
Your complaining makes you a whiny cuss.

But a chicken? How can that be his steed?
Gus gave us an evil eye and smoked his weed.
He did not care who did it indeed.
As long as he could sit in his winter tweed.

Weirdly enough, the frog and hen did fine.
So, I stopped my grousing, no longer a whine.
They stopped for cookies, ate the orange rine. 
It was fun to see them arrive in plenty of time.

Today's Meeting of Republicans For Biden

Today's virtual meeting is now called to order
    Log on quick. POTUS' giving away the country and its borders...

  I'd like to order free college tuition for my eight kids
    O.K! Just put up five of our campaign yard signs and send in your bid... 

  As for me, I'll order a 90% discount on an electric car
    Should be no problem. Stay right where you are... 

  As an LGBTQ+ teacher, I demand free luxury housing
    Joe's demands that too, we've seen him grousing...

  My great-great-grandpa was a slave. Give me $2.5m in reparations
    Good news! Joe just approved $10 billion to fund BLM demonstrations... 

  And me, COOKIE MONSTER, want all-day cookie free
    We just asked the President. He said, 'Let it be.' ...

  If that's the last order, you can turn off your screens
    And remember before bedtime, GOP'ers, to mumble

                  ~ Long live the Queen! ~

Not a Chance They Are Pisces

Neither of the old men were born under the sign Pisces
They were playing chess as hard as they dared
Neither enjoying it like a person born under Pisces would
A Pisces lets things flow naturally, not making trouble
Taking the easiest stream possible, not paddling their canoe
These two old men were arguing, bickering, grousing.
Not picking up on the feelings of a Pisces in any way
Acting like Taurus the Bull. I did not ask them their birthdates.
My suspicions were confirmed by their intense arguments.

The Kitty Who Bragged

I have a fancy Christmas tree hat bragged the feline
And a sportscar red, and a tummy that is always fed.
She has never had to wait, listen or stand in line.
The rest of the class began grousing behind her head.
She had gotten this fabulous hat when her grandpa died.
It was the one thing in the house that gave her pride.
wore the top hat the next day, but classmates pretended not to see.
Afterall, one kitty admitted “She has never been nice to me.”
She’s never invited me to a birthday party, said another kitty.
None of them knew how poverty poor she was, it was a pity!

Buddy Greets Delivery Driver

Because Buddy is an exceptionally large dog
Weighing ninety-two pounds, measuring five feet
Not counting his tail, even though he is only two and a baby
Some delivery people are fearful when they see him.
He is a gentle giant, but his girth and height are off-putting.

If they were smart, they would be more afraid of our twelve-year-old Sophie
Our nasty, snapping, snarling, growling, grousing Cocker Spaniel.
She would take down a grizzly with her toothless mouth and in a mean way. 
She is fierce, maybe because she is a female, not like the docile Buddy

The recent delivery driver was shaking in her shorts at Buddy.
He was placing strategic kisses on her when my husband pulled him off.
I was relieved, because straddling her would have been the next activity.
I have a camera on my truck she told my man. I will sue you if he bites me.

You should have bitten her leg off! I told him. I would have slapped her silly.
I would have punched her and kicked her and beaten her a new face.
No one threatens to sue my husband.
So now you see who Sophie takes after.

One In Every Family

There is one in every family.
Someone determined to be mad.
Not diabolically crazy or fun-loving or whimsically mad.
Angry, hateful, grousing, pouting mad.

Ours is named Louisa, and she is a professional.
She attempts to ruin every family dinner.
Storming off, yelling, screaming, sometimes hitting us on her way out.
It doesn’t matter, Grandpa says “as long as she leaves”.
But sometimes she comes back.

Climbs in the window so she can make another dramatic exit.
“Save your drama for your mama!” someone yells.
This always stirs her up, because her mama is dead.
If they forget to yell it, I do.
It would not seem like family without this.

New Bulldog On the Block

There was a new bulldog on the block.
His name was Sammy.
He was a rocker. His paws were clammy.

We saw him from a distance
And laughed a little bit.
He was shaking his booty and having a fit.

His music was kosher.
His wiggles were familiar too.
He said, “This is what rock, and rollers do!”

Pretty soon we other dogs were wearing stripes.
We had stopped our grousing, our jealous looks and our gripes.
Now we are in Sammy’s band, having a fine time.
Loving our rock-n-roll life, writing songs that rhyme.

G Is For Gritty

Greasy grimy gritty grievances
grabbed grandma’s gleamingly glitzy glasses
Giving griping grousing grandchildren gruesome 
glimpses of Grandma’s gleaming glitzy glasses.

Always Greener Elsewhere

Daffodils grow out the back of my head.
I wish they were purple tulips instead.
My job pays well, but I don’t make as much as Leek.
I lament this fact, ruining part of my week.
My family is good, but Kim’s seems better.
I spend my life grousing, jealous of my sister’s sweater.
Crazy I know, and yet here I sit, irritated more than a little bit.
That my brother’s having a better life. This griping I have to quit!

Abcdefg

Anticipating awesome antics, anteaters amend aliveness
Bumblebee beauties begrudgingly believing bouncy buttercups
Conniving clovers clandescently collect curious conversations
Diabolical devilish daffodils delight in damsel’s dainty dancing.
Enthusiastic elves effortlessly extricate eel’s elongated excitement
Ferociously friendly flora and fauna faeries forever frolicking,
Grousing glowing gargoyles grumble and gripe grievously

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