Q: When a woman is having a baby, what do you call the periods of time between labor contractions?
A: Pregnant pauses.
Q: What happens when a restaurant doesn't sell all of its "soup du jour"?
A: It goes on tomorrow's menu as "soup du yesterjour".
Q: What do you call a group of witches doing their own laundry?
A: A self-cleaning coven.
Q: What did the prostitute say to the sympathetic arresting female officer from Buenos Aires?
A: Don't cry for me, Sergeant Tina.
Q: What did the cannibal chief tell his people when they were defeated by another tribe?
A: If you can't eat 'em, join 'em.
Q: What did two gay knights tell King Arthur when he asked them if they were dating?
A: We''re not a couple, we're joust friends.
Q: What's the difference between a vase and a "vahze"?
A: The price.
Q: How can you tell if a politician is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: How would Hollywood describe a remake of "Day of the Dead" set in old Tucson with a score and lyrics by Andrew Lloyd Webber?
A: A zombie western musical.
Q: What might be the motto of a cannibal police force?
A: "To dissect and serve".
Categories:
grins, humor,
Form: I do not know?
...more stuff and nonsense...
Q: Why would it be a good thing if wood were used as money?
A: It grows on trees.
Q: Who was the star of last year's Christmas Drag Show?
A: Felice Navidude.
Q: Why was the adult film director upset when one of his actors couldn't get it up for the "money shot"?
A: It left him one prick shy of a load.
Q: What do you call it when radical moms and dads allow and/or encourage their children to be suicide bombers?
A: Bad parenting.
Q: What was one of the things King Solomon was most famous for?
A: Split decisions.
Q: Where were the toilet facilities located on Noah's ark?
A: On the poop deck.
Q: What does the Dental Fairy demand before she'll leave money under a kid's pillow?
A: The tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Q: What do a Giant Angora and an old analog TV have in common?
A: Rabbit ears.
Q: What did the press call the group of women boycotting a famous musical revue in New York?
A: The Radio City Blockettes.
Q: What is a support group for recovering poets and writers?
A: AA (Author's Anonymous).
Categories:
grins, humor,
Form: I do not know?
Q: Who is the young man who takes care of a child with no parents?
A: Little orphan's manny.
Q: How can a meth addict contact his supplier more quickly?
A: Put him on speed dial.
Q: What is the sharpened pole upon which the "sea eagle" impaled himself?
A: A tern pike.
Q: What do you call a sheet of glass eaten by a donkey?
A: A pane in the ass.
Q: What is it called when one ethnicity at work gets a larger office than another?
A: Racial spatial discrimination.
Q: What do you call a kid who demolishes his Cheerios instead of eating them?
A: A cereal killer.
Q: What did the call girl call the midget when he didn't want to pay her for her services?
A: A little prick.
Q: What's the one exercise Mitch McConnell can't do at the gym?
A: Chin-ups.
Q: What is the antique lawn statue near the door of my plantation in Lexington?
A: My old Kentucky gnome.
Q: Where did the first Mrs. Bing Crosby keep her love for her family?
A: Deep in the heart of Dixie.
Categories:
grins, humor,
Form: I do not know?
Q: What would Roy Rogers have been called if he had been a singing farmer?
A: King of the Plowboys.
Q: In the Beowulf saga, who was a male child of the hag Grendel?
A: A real sonofawitch.
Q: What's the slogan for an ad campaign for a certain fabric in Copenhagen?
A: "Something is cotton in the state of Denmark".
Q: What is fear of joining a fitness club?
A: Gymtimidation.
Q: When she worked onstage in a comedy, what could actress Elaine do for an audience?
A: Keep it in Stritches.
Q: What might you call the LGBT version of the glass slipper story?
A: "Transgenderella".
Q: Also for theatre and film buffs--What would you call public transportation in a ghost town?
A: A streetcar named Bizarre.
Q: Why did the man tell the 911 operator to please send help quickly when his spouse appeared to be choking?
A: It was a matter of wife or death.
Q: What is someone who hitchhikes across the country studying different dialects?
A: A roads scholar.
Q: How did the Glasgow "Evening Times" reporter headline the story of the party boat that sank after hitting an iceberg?
A: Scots on the rocks!
Categories:
grins, humor,
Form: I do not know?
Milk and cookies to dunk into the night,
smiles are full of chocolate endorphins;
Filling to the brim decorative tins,
comfort food says everything is alright;
Vowing to eat just one but lose the fight,
sharing with those unexpected drop-ins;
Milk and cookies;
Every one is devoured now you just might
taste just like a bunch of sugary grins;
Amidst all the unwavering chagrins
your clothes may be hugging a bit too tight;
Milk and cookies.
Categories:
grins, emotions, feelings, food,
Form: Other
No matter what’s in front of you
Wanda Woman is behind you
Wanda Woman!
No matter what’s behind you
Butterflies gonna pull for you!
She’s a dancer, cancer
Can’t kill her soul
She’s a winner, and in her
Is a heart of gold
She’s a mother, lover
A grand-mom too
She’s a tougher, warrior
Than the “x” you know who.
No matter what’s in front of you
Wanda Woman is behind you
Wanda Woman!
No matter what’s behind you
Butterflies gonna pull for you!
Chemo won’t flow
like her in her stride
So cold, so broke
She feels when she cries
But then, she grins
As someone walks in
You see, she’s a queen
Stronger than an elephant.
Categories:
grins, appreciation, beautiful, cancer, celebration,
Form: Lyric
evil woman
with mad hair
grins
creative talents unleashed evil woman grins six word poem
Categories:
grins, evil, hair, woman,
Form: Ekphrasis
winds only make me stronger
as I go forward in life
not altered by the tempting gales
which hinders and causes strife
the thunder is an attempt to distract
my perseverance to stand aside
the quaking grounds I stand upon
do not change my stride
the rain that pours down
refreshes my will to go on
puddles that cool my feet
give freshness to a life reborn
the elements do oppose
but charges me with zest
thru gusty winds and pelting rain
I favor adversities the best
challenges and tribulations erupt
so don’t the reasons behind
to see the grounds for struggles
it can spice up one’s find
a bend in the road
or a hill to climb
can slow things down
but the winds will chime
Categories:
grins, inspirational,
Form: Rhyme
Feelings and emotions are so complex
How can I be so sure of something one day
And so insecure the next
A missed kiss goodbye in the morning
Surely means nothing
Yet my mind wonders
Are we growing apart?
One can never be inside another’s mind
And that’s where trust comes into play
But do others feel this way
Are they really just that secure
Or could they be blind or unaware
And then suddenly hurt
To find that someone doesn’t care
Is there something behind that Cheshire grin?
I should just dispel these thoughts
I’m sure it’s just the mood I’m in
Categories:
grins, emotions, feelings, relationship,
Form: Free verse
FUNNY GIFTED GRINS
Host
Post
lifted
gifted
prize
lies
beneath
buckteeth
face
base
toothless
rootless
grin
akin
smiling
styling
3/16/18
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr. ©
Categories:
grins, character, funny, word play,
Form: Footle
Smile lines?and kiss filled fights;
Twinkling eyes,
You are my shooting star,
Tonight.
Tonight.
Moon grins.
Tonight.
Categories:
grins, angel, beautiful, cool, crazy,
Form: Free verse
GRINS AND BUBBLES
blooms in the verdure
flash golden smiles heavenward
the soap bubbles dance
_______________________________
4:26 pm, March 10, 2015
Categories:
grins, environment, flower, happy, imagery,
Form: Haiku
Help I am falling!
I was at three, now at five
recognition warms my soul
Categories:
grins, blessing, creation, encouraging, feelings,
Form: Haiku
The evil of the Jack-O-Lantern’s grins
In a world of the most hideous sight
There runs a fear of the pumpkin’s sins
The evil of the Jack-O-Lantern’s grins
The light of the candle is where it begins
Deep into the depths of the darkest night
The evil of the Jack-O-Lantern’s grins
In a world of the most hideous sight
Russell Sivey
Categories:
grins, holiday, life, world, evil,
Form: Triolet
Thou ask misfortune to smile at thee,
Oh why, oh why indeed.
Thou reply, "For if I know why she grins at me,
I'll want to grin back at she."
Categories:
grins, funny
Form: I do not know?
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