Battle axe (For the 2nd Half) ... "At last!"
Way too fast past the rescue rascal hassling haphazardly mastered dastardly bastards' fractions of captioning cast iron spiraling wired wax on wax off golf cart Bart Simpson minced garlic cubes boob tube huge goober schooner dooms Days Taser taker wafer run stun gun NOT funny honey bun for one shunned lonesome wholesome quotient potion grunt of a stunt punt the ball into mid autumn leaves fall raking reiki draped date maker place mat patty whack hacky sack crap slapped happy tap dance romance slanted jambalaya riot spliced mice diet quiet cheese, please teases on both knees bereavement easing Fort Leavenworth girth that brings birth to twerk twerps slurred slurping squirts of hurting beef Jerky lurching around the church yard disbarred and charred crash cars 100 yards too far to see scars Mars rover Range Rover Red rover come over 4 leaf clover lawn mower seed Sower leaf blower as NOT just another voter devotional spokesperson swerving tertiary but too scary hairy fairy blue berry merry go round sage turns the page safe and sound clown town brown bag the sandwich fad dude and all of that...
I used to love to pick my nose.
After 3,
Better than playing with my toes.
With a nose you see,
Each little crevasse has a surprise for me!
A goober,
A booger.
Nothing I would find amiss.
Cleanest nose in town,
Until Momma was around.
Momma said, "Don't pick your nose,
You might get it on my hose!
There are not gold doubloons in there,
Just goobers and boogers.
Perhaps a bit of hair."
But that's the whole point!
My boogers and goobers,
Are my snacks at night!
Mommas in bed.
It's dark,
No one will see.
Just me and my nose,
Boogers and goobers are free!
The woman of the day cables brought us a decorated egg
I would have rather had some ale, in a sturdy looking keg
Our crocodile-like creature wanted to taste the egg of course.
The blue bird of happiness was irritated, we call him Mr. Norse.
A dragon with a striped tummy showed up carrying a sign.
Everyone stand down, the woman yelled, that dragon is all mine.
We had no idea what happened to him, but she was all upset.
Mr. Norse who is a gloomy goober said “she will eat him, I do bet.”
The woman of the day cables brought us a decorated egg
I would have rather had some ale, in a sturdy looking keg
Our crocodile-like creature wanted to taste the egg of course.
The blue bird of happiness was irritated, we call him Mr. Norse.
A dragon with a striped tummy showed up carrying a sign.
Everyone stand down, the woman yelled, that dragon is all mine.
We had no idea what happened to him, but she was all upset.
Mr. Norse who is a gloomy goober said “she will eat him, I do bet.”
This poem is not meant to offend anyone or belittle their beliefs. This is only my attempt at humor.
~Things I’ll Give Up for Lent~
Liver and onions,
Minced meat pie.
Drinking beer from a can,
Celebrating the 5th of July.
I’ll do away with Haggis,
Kiviak and Sheepshead Smalahoue.
Rocky Mountain Oysters,
Escargot and Fuhu.
Escamoles and fried Tarantula,
Jellied Moose and Airag.
Gaeng Kai Mot Daeng,
and baked polliwog.
Chocolate-covered bacon,
Candy corn or a root beer float
Goodbye Goober burgers,
and pickled ear of goat.
Koolickles, popsicles,
Hominy grits and Spam.
Frog’s eye salad and Turducken,
Tapioca and jellied Ham.
But on this Valentine's Day my dear,
know that there is one thing that's very true.
I'd rather give up my chance to go to Heaven,
then spend a single minute without you.
Goober went panning for gold in the creek
Hot and bothered, needed to take a leak ~
Goober pulled down his drawers
His hose produced more and more ~
Cried, "O, my, but doesn't liquid gold reek!"
At a drive-thru, I'm asked if they can take my order
“I'd like a coffee with six sugars and no comments, you porkers”
The voice stuttered like a goober
“Did you say SIX SUGARS???”
“You have a problem with that? Look, everyone has their own disorders!”
Like Goober from Andy Griffin he couldn't keep a secret
knowing all about the twelve top secret ingredients
the mystery is gone now everyone in the world knows
Colonel Sanders nephew putting on an innocent show,
Since 1930 people ate his original fried chicken
they loved it so much afterwards gave their fingers a licking
just ordering the chicken had its air of mystery
so secretive the CIA top agents were frustrated and filled with misery,
Poor Colonel Sanders has long passed but its so sad
the recipe of his original fried chicken now out of the bag
now people will make it in their own kitchens at home
leaving all the KFC's empty and employees all alone...
Your Taj Mahal
Too many times you hoisted anchor
there isn't time but you should thank her,
for being such a goober for so long.
You have made her life a Taj Mahal
there she swims in waist deep indigo,
she's reflected in the cesspools of your morning sun.
An ivory tusk is what you're after,
a monument to fun and laughter,
she shaves your neck out on the street for fun,
she's New Delhinese from head to toes,
but you brought her to the Poconos,
where your Taj Mahal outshines the morning sun.
You talk about the plight of Gandhi
most of the night and all day Sunday,
and tell your friends about the things she's done,
at her spinning wheel she worships you,
but she's leaving in a week or two,
if she told you now it wouldn't be much fun.
She'll board a ship that's hoisting anchor
and meet a poet or a banker,
avoiding caste from where she once belonged,
she'll remember you for making her
one more monument to how things were,
when your Taj Mahal was whiter than the sun.
© ron wilson aka vee bdosa the doylestown poet
To battle off intruders
I hired a dog named Goober
He came to me packing heat
I think it is a Luger
He's not a German Shepard
Though his collar and holster are made of leather
He graduated Obedience School
Proudly wearing his Letter Sweater
I pay him in dog biscuits
Which cuts down on doing dishes
As we toss ideas around
When problems arise Goober licks it
He came with papers so all could see
Showing he is the best of breed
Also to lay out on the floor
In case Goober feels the need
Goober has been a great asset
All the intruders around here left
In case you feel the need to ask
...Just don't ask the cat
down south we love our goobers
salt em up and set to roast
eat em by the dozens
drink em in our cokes
fix em fancy in deserts
peanut butter pie
big and small all size and sorts
eat em till the day we die
granny loves to cook em
goobers in down home green beans
adds a bit of crunchiness
to the sunday dinner scene
with newspapers set out on the floor
in front of television sets
cracking shells like walker texas ranger
does good for nothing yankee heads
buy em hot and buy em boiled
along the roadside stand
spilling goober juices
all over the cars naugahyde rotan
finger licking greasy
from out a planters can
down south we love our goobers
like you done heard me said
Taj Mahal
Too many times you hoisted anchor
there isn't time but you should thank her,
for being such a goober for so long.
You have made her life a Taj Mahal
there she swims in waist deep indigo,
she's reflected in the cesspools of your morning sun.
An ivory tusk is what you're after,
a monument to fun and laughter,
she shaves your neck out on the street for fun,
she's New Delhinese from head to toes,
but you brought her to the Poconos,
where your Taj Mahal outshines the morning sun.
You talk about the plight of Gandhi
most of the night and all day Sunday,
and tell your friends about the things she's done,
at her spinning wheel she worships you,
but she's leaving in a week or two,
if she told you now it wouldn't be much fun.
She'll board a ship that's hoisting anchor
and meet a poet or a banker,
avoiding caste from where she once belonged,
she'll remember you for making her
one more monument to how things were,
when your Taj Mahal was whiter than the sun.
© ron wilson aka Vee Bdosa the doylestown poet
Peanuts
Dr. James E. Martin
©December, 2013
Peanuts are known as goober peas
They simply are weirdly named.
After eating more than just a few
One’s gut is usually not tamed.
Peanuts was the childhood name of a girl
Who was sister of a friend of mine.
As she grew older and more serious about life
Her appearance was way beyond fine.
And who can forget the character of cartoons
Who was known by Charlie Brown?
In all the uses described above
They all were joyfully found.
You starred on Hee Haw and the Andy Griffith Show.
You were talented and people hated to see you go.
You continued to star as Goober on Mayberry R.F.D.
Sadly you passed away at the age of eighty-three.
People loved to see you act, that much is clear.
You were a very funny man while you were here.
You were Floyd the barber's friend and you wore a funny hat.
You entertained millions for thirty years and people loved that.
I'll see you in Heaven but it may be a while.
You did a damn good job as Goober Pyle.
(Dedicated to George Lindsey who died on May 6, 2012.)
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