Long Goober Poems

Preface: 
On February 4, 1861,
the seven states that had seceded
by this point convened and created
the Confederate States of America
under the leadership of Jefferson Davis.

Just under two months later,
on April 12, 1861, Confederate forces
opened fire on...

Read More

Cotton Lizard yellowhammer Heart of Dixie We dare defend our rights.                        ...

Read More

Yes, I must confess that I did that ish…
I watched as he crawled across the place
The bug-a-boo had the nerve to try and touch my face
With shillelagh in tow, I just knew he had to...

Read More

  They call me "Snotnose,"
  King of the snot!
  I can slide down a hill on the snot that I make!
  Waves of snot my nose can produce,
  Most of...

Read More

Reggie, what is it?
Who’s there?
Reggie, ANSWER ME REGGIE!
What do you see?

It’s OK Jean
It’s just-- that idiot
Goober Knotts
The milkman

Goober, whatcha doin’?
It’s two in the morning
You scared us to death
What were you thinking?

Sorry, Reg, I, I, didn’t...

Read More

Rude awaakenings
passive resistances
offset reposes
nominal com-pre-poses
clattering synopsis
reflective rejections
loveless offerings 
sentient longings
goober finales
creepy filings
jubrient jiltings
assinine intentions 
cooperative unintentions
lazy notions
graded offerings
misguided annotations
guilded gonads
perserverant punishments
unabridged miscellaneous
assertive nothings
blinded essentials
ill acquaintances
riddled resentments
staved sequences
toiled romances
piss pot potentials
dragged molecules
finite measures
copious credentials
minor mirrors
killed desires
zoned...

Read More

I read the words you wrote for me 
My eyes just can’t look away 
And my hart swells with feelings I though were lost 
Like a favorite toy I left in a house I moved...

Read More

Your Taj Mahal
Too many times you hoisted anchor
there isn't time but you should thank her,
for being such a goober for so long.
You have made her life a Taj Mahal
there she swims in waist deep indigo,
she's...

Read More

Taj Mahal
Too many times you hoisted anchor
there isn't time but you should thank her,
for being such a goober for so long.
You have made her life a Taj Mahal
there she swims in waist deep indigo,
she's reflected...

Read More

Your Taj Mahal
Too many times you hoisted anchor
there isn't time but you should thank her,
for being such a goober for so long.
You have made her life a Taj Mahal
there she swims in waist deep indigo,
she's...

Read More

This poem is not meant to offend anyone or belittle their beliefs. This is only my attempt at humor.

~Things I’ll Give Up for Lent~
Liver and onions,
Minced meat pie.
Drinking beer from a can,
Celebrating the 5th of...

Read More

   I used to love to pick my nose.
   After 3,
   Better than playing with my toes.
   With a nose you see,
   Each little crevasse...

Read More

down south we love our goobers
salt em up and set to roast
eat em by the dozens 
drink em in our cokes

fix em fancy in deserts
peanut butter pie
big and small all size and sorts
eat em till...

Read More

Like Goober from Andy Griffin he couldn't keep a secret
knowing all about the twelve top secret ingredients
the mystery is gone now everyone in the world knows
Colonel Sanders nephew putting on an innocent show,

Since 1930 people...

Read More

To battle off intruders
I hired a dog named Goober
He came to me packing heat
I think it is a Luger

He's not a German Shepard
Though his collar and holster are made of leather
He graduated Obedience School
Proudly wearing...

Read More

You starred on Hee Haw and the Andy Griffith Show.
You were talented and people hated to see you go.
You continued to star as Goober on Mayberry R.F.D.
Sadly you passed away at the age of eighty-three.
People...

Read More