A Redneck Wins the Lottery
By Elton Camp
A house trailer is the only place Rufus did live
For a house he never had down payment to give
One day, all that poverty disappeared in a flash
He won the state lottery and was rolling in cash
For the first time, he could have things his way
Since for anything we wanted he was able to pay
So Rufus rushed out and bought a suit of clothes
“Throw away these rags. I’ve no need of those.”
He went to a snooty restaurant for a fine meal
“Much better than McDonald’s it does feel.”
Rufus bought a mansion in an upscale place
For to live poor he now thought was a disgrace
And it made rich Rufus feel especially keen
When he bought a Cadillac stretch limousine
So a reminder of his former life wouldn’t lack,
He had a fifth-wheel trailer mounted to the back
On the wall of a house I might be
Owned by *Brangelina Jolie.
There’s no real reason why.
I’m just one nosy fly.
Not to mention, Brad nude I might see!
House to house in each fine neighborhood
I’ll spy like a super fly should.
An “enquiring” mind,
Lots of scandal I’ll find.
As I fly over all Hollywood.
When I tire of the “stars,” I’ll fly to
Any place juicy plots might ensue.
Just beware. Flies like me
Are as sly as can be.
Right now I am looking at you!
*Brangelina refers to the coupleship of Brad & Angelina
I'm assuming they are still together?
For the Contest by Michael J. Falotico:
"A Fly on the Wall"
59th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
Forgot the anniversary
Or nearly did
Had I –
There would have been no loud words
Not even weeping
After all these years (I’m thinking)
Expectations stale
Fond smiles are few but
There would be a certain period of contemplation
The entire house quiet
The cats? – how do they pick-up vibes? –
The cats are in hiding
The air? – our house is not large – sultry
Just a hint of ash
Vesuvius threatening
The old saying – “Silence speaks at times
FORTISSISSIMO!
And this for several days
The bill will be tremendous!
Dinner out
A show – Broadway if available
Belated gifts
Everything I do is noticed criticized
Well?
After a month we’re back to normal
How boring
Wasn’t that fun
This is the house that Jack built!
This is mortgage on the house that Jack built.
This is the rat that foreclosed on the mortgage
That was on the house that Jack built.
Obama the president he's The bomb,
not the cool type or is he in w/ Sadaam?
kept him homed as a guest yet we know,
Burrock or under the rock should we say for Sadaam is not far 4m home?
or was it a hill we found supposed alone,
Burrock Obama Hussain we are,
I mean insane or Hussaine its all the same,
selected a president when Bush has on the D L Saddaam is White House resident,
Or is he dead?I still question that cause that was not his head,
who's serving the white house bread?
I shall daily visit the beauty parlor
And make myself beautiful for you.
I shall never clean the house
So that my skin is not tarred.
I shall ever watch my figure,
Eating calorie less foods and drinks.
I shall stay home all day
And will never be stay at home mom
But will go for Disco at night.
I shall not take drugs
But a drink or two in limits.
I shall awake late in the morning
So that you are not disturbed.
I shall adorn the house to earn
Adjectives from the neighbours.
I shall buy the furniture to invent
Nouns to be told to the visitors.
Our house will be all pronouns
But will never admit verbs as
They shake the very foundation.
=========================
Honorable Mention
Contest: Fill in the Blanks
A house sits across on another hill from us
and flies the Jolly Roger
I've been tempted to raise the Union Jack
and break out my tater launcher
Oh what a battle and sight to see
when the taters start to fly
Spuds will smash upon the ground
the dirt and dust will rise
I'm sure they'll put up a good defense
as to save their wounded pride
You see, I have the advantage in this fight
I live up on the high side
There's bound to be some casualties
when it comes to broken windows
But just imagine how the neighbors will jump
when we let off the final crescendo
I can visualize the reporters gathering...
"For Fox news this is Stacy Devon
reporting on the tragic tater incident
stay tuned for film at eleven".
This poem was inspired by a house that does sit across from us on another hill. They
do fly the skull and cross bones
I live the “life of Riley” can’t you see
I’m crafty and cunning and independently free
I warm my owner up with a rub and a purr
A warm cozy blanket is what I prefer
When I choose to be aloof
I just turn my back and curl up bullet proof
I don’t mind being a house cat
Some may say because of this I’ve become a bit fat
Not to worry, never fear
I run around this house crazy and mess up your underwear
Sure, give me some yarn, that too can become boring after a time
I’d rather look out the window in the sun and lick my paws, sublime
And when you’re cooking up a great meal
That’s when I sit pretty and cry and squeal
I’m sweet and lovable and debonair
And I’ve taken over your house “I declare”
Yes I know I may sleep more than some
But how could you resist, your furry friend is what I’ve become
Inspired by Constance La France’s Cat tails contest
I need to win the Powerball
For my house is getting small
It's not exactly what I prefer
It's just the size of my elephant herd
Ceramic, glass, plaster and wood
Plush, wax, cloth and plastic
The number of my herd is fantastic
My pachyderm collecting is understood
At first it wasn't about me
I enjoyed the symbol of the GOP
But slowly, but surely there became a need
So gathering elephants became a happy deed
Family and friends send them to me
And I delight in their generous deed
Birthdays, Holidays any occasion
I accept pachyderms of all persuasions
Pictures, carvings, pillows and dolls
Statues, figures, candles and canes
Brooches, clocks, elephants of anything
Can't stop at one so I get them all
My elephants are happy, some are sad
But I never met an elephant that was bad
Trunks up for good luck make me glad
Small elephants, large elephants more to add
My house was once room enough for me
But my pachyderm's population now exceeds
To say my space has been disturbed
No, I just need a larger house for my elephant herd
There's always a house
Some weird vacant residence
Kids stay away from
Especially on certain nights
Those nights when the Moon is bright
Climbing those porch steps
Would take more than just courage
No child would risk it
It's the Taylor House Story
A tale both true and GORY!
The house I describe
Has three stories a long porch
And boarded windows
Except for one by the top gable
'Death's Door' so goes the fable
No boards on this one
No glass either just splinters
Three jagged sabres
It's said a boy in his teens
Stuck in his head - GUILLOTINED!
Now! On moonlit nights
Some still hear those awful thumps
The window comes down
THUMP! His head hits the roof THUMP!
Rolls on down hits the ground THUMP!
Well? To climb those steps?
It would be insanity
No child would risk it
A vision so full of dread
That thumping bouncing DEAD HEAD!
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