Soon as a shameful scammer appears
Send them off with a clip round the ears
We know what they’re after
Let them do a grafter
As we do through our working years.
One dared try it on little old me
I’m not as daft as he thought I’d be
Put the fool in the place
That was dug with no grace
Where one can prance for eternity.
Scammers must think we’re all mad hatters
That there is nowt in our grey matters
Prove it that they are wrong
In a fine shanty song
So they’ll run off with souls in tatters.
Get rid of scammers quick as you can
Flush them away, flowing down the pan
To where sun doesn’t shine
Not having a great time
Till they are a good woman or man.
Andrew ordered a stripogram, Kay
To visit him on his birthday
When he opened the door
Sixteen copper’s he saw
They cuffed him, then took him away
After questioning for many hours
In the police car oh how he cowers
There’s one thing I’ll bet
He’s been covered in sweat
His birthday bash pizza night sours!
The Epstein files are in the press
Now Andrew’s life is such a mess
As his recent arrest
Surely made Andrew stressed
He’s guilty, but he won’t confess
I’m hoping royal succession can
Be removed from this vile man
I’m “Throne out,” he will moan
“The loo’s my only throne”
All royal titles flushed down the pan!
In Recession
We are hitting a recession
I’m in deepest depression
Prices increasing all the time
Even politicians turning to crime
We’re all going down the pan
brother sister woman and man
Still nice to see BP doing well
Making record profits so’s Shell
Still it’s not all doom and gloom
if you’re unable to heat a room
Skip a few meals pay the rent
When you’re homeless buy a tent
Mortgage rates up, pay’s down
Catch a bus and head for town
Get a dog and an empty can
Kitted out to beg, now that’s a plan!
David Cox 04/08/22
It never rains; if it can pour,
On many folk and just one more'
Malcome Staines, now here's a man'
He's homeless yet never down the pan'
Others his mission whilst on the floor.
On Sheppy Island with boot fair stand
His set was really smashing he was
Gaining many fans '
Yet with sepis to hospital he did go
Left his van in its car park just like so '
Theives then took it, torching his plans
It was his only shelter, rain or shine
Yet aimless youths did a senseless crime
I'm told there could be a fund him page
Maybe some can help even in this sad age?
Don’t cook it, don’t prick it, just swallow it whole
Make sure you don’t chew it, there’s more in the bowl
So here, have another, go on get it down
Think of the money, get rid of the frown
Consider it vegan, go on just eat
This nice latex sausage is herbal not meat
And when they’re all gone you can take to the air
Take the right path, nought to declare
And then when you’re landed, just visit the loo
And settle yourself into cubicle two
Position the net just as snug as you can
Let no latex sausage escape down the pan
And after you’ve passed them and washed them, your done
Slip them next door into cubicle one
Locate the cistern, look under the lid
And retrieve our thanks for the work that you did
Don’t leave until outside the door becomes hushed
And if there’s a copper, try not to look flushed
But if cops barge in while you’re sat on the loo
Be sure that we’ll tell them we've not heard of you
Be careful my friend with the knowledge you give
Remember, we know where your wife and kids live
You won’t get to jail, not if we find you first
For then you will wish that a sausage had burst
my poems are crap
written on toilet tissue
waste bin overflows
I straighten each sheet
these words will get flushed away
perfect recycling!
Crumpled Thoughts Poetry Contest
Sponsored by John Lawless
01/14/21
Slow down! by Viv Wigley
The first week of September,
still no sign of Halloween,
a shop window full of Christmas cards
the second I have seen.
By the time my Pumpkin's binned and
fake spider on its last legs,
the shops will all have tinsel and
a stack of Easter eggs.
New year brings Summer holidays,
and brochures through my door,
Burns night there's bonfire toffee,
it's almost ten months before.
I'm getting on in years a tad,
my pace of life will slow,
retailers make the years flash by
as fast as it can go.
I'm hoping I've a few more years
before my life goes down the pan,
Oh,no- I'm only sixty-two,
here's ANOTHER funeral plan!
WHAT IS LIFE BUT THE BLINK OF AN EYE
WE SET OUR GOALS AND CAN BUT TRY
TO MAKE IT A BETTER WORLD FOR THE ONES WE LOVE
BUT SOMETIMES WE ALL NEED A LITTLE SHOVE
AS WE STRIVE AND TOIL TO MAKE ENDS MEET
WE BEAR THE BURDERSOME WEIGHT ON OVERTIRED FEET
BRINGING UP OUR CHILDREN AS BEST WE CAN
ARE THEY GRATEFULL AS YOUR LIFE GOES DOWN THE PAN
FEED THEM EDUCATE THEM AND CLOTHE THEM AS WELL
ARE THEY HAPPY BUNNIES YOU NEVER CAN TELL
THEY FLY THE NEST AT 21 TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE
AND SOON THEY WAKE UP WITH EGG ON THEIR FACE
THEY REALISE WHAT A TREADMILL THEY ARE ON
THEIR YOUTH AND FREEDOM ARE ALL BUT GONE
CHILDREN OFF THEIR OWN AND NO MONEY TO SPEND
THEY GET ON WITH THEIR LIVES AND KEEP UP THE TREND
Here’s a poem about poet Jan
Who’s recalled for a second brain scan
I was called in again
Could they not find my brain …
Hope my poems don’t go down the pan!
The scanner whirred and clicked into gear
I wore headphones so I could just hear
Queen’s ‘I want to break free'
Was the song played to me …
It did nothing to quell any fear!
The is a factual poem – I got recalled today for a second brain scan and whilst the scan was taking place the radio was playing Queen’s ‘I want to break free’ … it really made me smile
03~16~17
'It must be EDS'
When your hip pain takes a dive
And you wake just half alive
When your neck slips out of place
And the pain spills on your face
It must be EDS
Thats put you to the test
When your back screams just from standing
And your head explodes on landing
When Chiari pains your brain
Swells with thunderstorms and rain
It must be EDS
It's harsh I must confess
When your knees and ankles turn
Slightest exercise does burn
When you stand up far too quick
Feeling dizzy makes you sick
When you can't get out of bed
Or barely lift your head
It must be EDS
Annoying little pest
When your gut just won't digest
Yet follow diet you detest
When your jaw falls out of place
And every day you force your face
To smile and say 'i'm fine'
Yet your body draws the line
It must be EDS
That's made you feel so 'less'
When your headache's every day
And it's time they docked your pay
When you've done all that you can
But your career is down the pan
It must be EDS
That's got you in this mess
'It must be EDS' by Victoria Payne
June 2016
https://www.facebook.com/groups/Poemsbyvictoriapayne/
Looking for the formal definition, structure, and history of this poetry form? Visit the Poetry Dictionary entry below. Then return to explore how PoetrySoup members bring the form to life through their own poems.