DIY Survival
Listen to this rhyme I say,
and be prepared every day.
In the forest you may go,
weather shine or weather snow.
If your lost within the trees,
don’t run around like a sleaze.
Don’t tromp about and shake your head,
for if you do you will be dead.
Stop and sit you whipperbate,
start a fire and then just wait.
Make it smokey and not too tall,
they will know it’s a rescue call.
Give it time for them to see,
and they will come to rescue thee.
Use this time to assess,
just how big is your mess.
If its past three days or more,
then it’s time to find the door.
Use your head and take your time,
it’s downhill so do not climb.
A river stream or a brook,
for this feature you must look.
Then follow it all the way,
downstream you go in the day.
If you listen to what I say,
civilization comes your way.
By
Josehf Lloyd Murchison
Categories:
diy, adventure, anxiety, life, lost,
Form: Didactic
Threats of force seemed a sterling idea
Especially in light of Crimea
But you’re gonna get trolled
And the tanks gonna roll
When diplomacy comes from IKEA
Categories:
diy, war,
Form: Limerick
The colors were all tangled and wrapped with black tape.
They were bent and shoved in an unforgiving shape.
What was I to think or how to know which to cut?
The raw surface was rough like a dry roasted nut.
Oh where is Papa when I seek advice and wits?
Didn’t he teach to do for myself and not throw fits?
I calmed myself and looked again at mangled wires,
traced them to the original site of the fires.
Blue wire? Red wire? Or there’s black, yellow, orange, and green?
I hoped on hope I’d inherited the right gene.
At long last decided I cut one I thought best,
re-wrapped the others and replaced them in their nest.
A good afternoon’s work, now time to rest my tush.
But when I flipped the light switch my toilet did flush!
Categories:
diy, blue, funny, green, humor,
Form: Couplet
Someone reached out
and asked me
Have you any tool's ?
A question to which i replied
Are you trying to be funny
or facetious
Why apart from me the greatest
tool of them all
So much so it's become my nickname
As i am both a spanner and a nut
and the box
People dig out to use when
in need of release and temporary
fix to plug a shticky connotation
A sort or sense of D.I.Y for those
who can't help themselves
That some feel sorry and pitty
for but deep down i appreciate
As without it or take it away
from me what else would i have
to live for
This is me this is my life but
granted it's not a life for everyone
myself included
But i haven't come across a tool
in my many box of tricks to fix
or repair the few littke nuts i
still have left
Guess something's like bridge's
we're never meant to be fixed
or crossed
Otherwise there would be
1 tool for everything and
only 1 box formed in the
shape of a coffin
Categories:
diy, slam,
Form: Free verse
rotten molars unnerved her moribund hunger for living on
she extracted the pain with blunt scalpels pliers and hammer
damaged her smile as well but with the cornerstones removed
in the aftermath of destruction nothing was left but a stammer
loops of denial and self-incrimination established more pain
she tore her heart out under the shelter of drugs and booze
abuse self-incrimination and injustice festered in her mind
emoted a cardiac bypass for feelings leaving nothing to lose
a spiritual minefield exploded and she gathered rapid speed
performed a lobotomy with a manual and surgical precision
hysterical psychedelia and amphetamines furthered the cause
reached complete numbness from the screwdriver’s incision
only after all operations uppers downers and morphine failed
she realized that life was to seize no matter how it panned out
checked into rehab and abandoned jigsaw super glue and fear
took up painting and poetry and excised her vile needless doubt
25th September 2020
Categories:
diy, addiction,
Form: Quatrain
My factory makes factories;
I make them all day by the score:
a flat pack kit, instructions clear -
you leap in through the floating door
and build that factory from in-
side out. And tell the world that your
new factory makes factories.
They're selling fast - there's more and more...
Reviews are good; I've got five stars
(if someone slates me, please ignore).
For Caren's 'Willy Wonka is not here' contest
Categories:
diy, business,
Form: Rhyme
my thoughts
we're hardly
to bed her
but better
to say to
create a
smile
but then not
knowing of
that singular
trap of trying
to truly yes
seduce
her
that it was she
that took me
not swindled
but whittled
my erect
branch
to a
toothpick
Categories:
diy, muse,
Form: I do not know?
a head
so heavy
to just
put it down
and rest
***
Categories:
diy, appreciation, mental illness, suicide,
Form: Free verse
Our latest product is the Viv mark one,
please stop and take a gander,
coated with skin of medium grit
and an ass like an orbital sander.
Adjustable nozzle to help you reach
in all those hard to get places,
plus two large air vents for cold air intake
on a range of adjustable faces.
Exhaust pipe set down around the back
starts first time on the coldest mornings,
but use of improper fuels may lead
to blowbacks without warning.
Will decorate, and dig, and clean
all your household stubborn grime
and is guaranteed to get all jobs done
in probably six months time.
For contest 'Make me laugh', sponsor Robert Haigh
24th February 2018
Categories:
diy, humor,
Form: Rhyme