..........Smile forged with tears and sorrow
was all I could feel
i felt the pain on my rips
as my breath start to break
the say its a heart break
I think is a death call
like a gun short on the four head
as I stood on the four front
cautioned with flame of fire
that burns directly the heart
Slowly I break down
as the pain speeds up
all I could see is yonder
yonder stranding forth s it's hand
calling me down to under world
fighting it was the next option
Strength far away from me
water run down the bridges
I don't want the call,not now
the sun sets up fear to the skin
now dishing out death to the soul
she is the light to my life
..........Could she be my doom?....................
Why am I still here, waiting for the end?
I wish I could read ahead, look around the bend,
see who and what is there,
and I sit here in despair
that the world will close in,
I feel as important as a pin,
as helpful as cancer,
as great as my razor,
waiting for death or for life to throw a curve,
let's just hope it doesn't make me swerve,
into a tree and into the nothing,
that's death for you, just this thing
that creeps up behind you,
and once it's got you, you're through
maybe I'm too hopeful for it?
Some say it's bad, some would have a fit
hearing me speak this way...
but right now, she's out to play,
so here I stay,
and grow gray,
and one day soon I say,
that I will die on this day
As I walk through the darkness
Of this dark forbidden death planet
I shall fear what comes my way
Can’t trust a damn thing
All I can do is turn and run
To try and out run
to try and hide from the misery
That comes with this damned thing called life.
This hell of mine that is shared with others
Others who don’t know my pain enough
No matter how hard I try to explain
They shut me away and banish me
Like some kind of evil creature
shun me like I was a worthless bum
Or some diseased hurt creature
People wonder why people commit suicide
why there is so much pain and misery that comes with this planet
People… humans are what causes this hell on earth
the pain and misery of this death planet
Dear Lord, just take me away
What have I done wrong to deserve to be here.
If love and beauty be measured in mine eyes,
Speak not nor look deep into the mirrors
For horrors lurk in the windows of my soul
Would turn you to stone and death forevermore.
Then what doth beauty mean to a lady who is cursed?
Of scales, a forked tongue and a slithering hiss?
It is when lovers turn stone and roses to ash
That men's love turns cold and crumbles to dust.
To the mighty Olympians I wished to be saved,
Turn me into a flower or anything that is loved,
For in my heart I couldn't anymore dare carry
The curse of being feared, hated and lonely.
All in vain I prayed and prayed
With wet scaly cheeks by tears of self pity.
But even gods deny my simple plea,
For who would feel sympathy for a monster like me.
"Medusa," men speak of my name,
"the beauty who turns every man to stone."
For 'tis better to be hated than be loved,
If my love would bring death to thee
A death wish, a death wish,
it glistens in my eye.
A death wish so beautiful, I just dont wanna try.
It whispers my name, and holds my thoughts at night,
So warm it welcomes, everything feels right.
So now to all the haters, waiting for my suicide,
I guess you got your wish because
My tears run dry tonight.
And now to all my lovers,
Although I have so few,
Realize the truthful facts,
I stayed alive for you.
Now it's finaly over,
time to say goodbye,
Funny thing I'd feel the same on any other night.
As I sew up my heart
It starts..
The crises of love scorned
Its torn..
The scars on my slain wrists..
The bruises on my broken fist..
The burn of an unsuccessful rope around my neck..
I race with death only to lose by an inch..
The harder I train..
The more in vein..
The lonely pain that sleeps with fish
I wish
I wish..
The more I cry in kindness she will die
The depth of bloodless sighs
I feel closer to the sky
I guess that's the same
As every pain
I'm no different but all the same..
The race against my finish line of cocaine
I will win the race and cross the tape
That death holds for my place
....
Living with depression
Surrounded by this invisible box, I live my life.
I feel no joy, no warmth of companionship.
Though I am surrounded by the ones I love they cannot reach me.
My mind is in an unstoppable strain to keep my appearance.
They sense something is wrong but can do little to help.
I am out of touch with reality and do not care.
What is there to do when I have no feelings,
when my world is contained by seclusion loneliness?
I strive to defeat the invisible opponent,
I cry when alone from the lack of contact.
I am stuck in a void where you see no end,
I want seclusion but I hate to be alone.
I have to find a way out before I am defeated indefinitely.
Who do I turn to, who has the power to give me life?
If I choose death I will find peace and the pain will end.
If I choose death the pain will just begin.
LOST & LONELY
SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A BIRD WITH A BROKEN WING,
DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M GOING...
DON’T CARE WHERE I’VE BEEN.
JUST LIKE THAT BIRD I CAN FEEL ME FALLING
SPINNING....SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL...
LOOKING FOR SOMETHING...
FINDING NOTHING AT ALL.
DESPERATE THOUGHTS IN THE NIGHT I CRY,
DISTURBING SHADOWS OF TEARS ROLL FROM MY EYES...
AS I SEARCH FOR COMFORT ABOVE
TOO SOON I FEEL THE DEATH OF LOVE.
AND LIKE THE BIRD WITH THE BROKEN WING
I SACRIFICE MY SOUL
IF LOVE IS GONE...
THEN DEATH IS ALL I KNOW.
Pushing all my silence into an almost perfect place
Where echoes bounce off echoes, to what I consider grace
Another bullet in the wind, against what slurs my speech
Barbed wire wrapped around my soul, where grace can never reach
Fortunate to have a heart, with a short supply of need
Unfortunate to love a world, that suffocates all greed
Tomorrow holds an angels wing that floats to all I hate
And reaches Christ with starving crumbs on every empty plate
Pungent flowers seek the love, deserved by every thing
Yet we step on painful scars, that helps the demons sing
A loving blade against all hope, will reconnect the pain
And these padded walls that still exist, will never leave my brain
Against the perfect rainbow, where death can never live
Amongst the bones of fairy tales, a short supply to give
Pieces of my legend will, exit through my guilt
And every drop of life will live, for all the death I spilt
Sorrows lie inside my tongue, and reconnects with rage
As every letter that I write, burns off of the page
I can no longer write
I take my leave, and I take my present memories to die along with me
Alas my spirit can be loved, for upon my death they will unite
All my life I didn't see this day on earth, perhaps from heaven I shall
To see my father with my mother weeping at my corpse finally together
Since love to me they never showed, only regret in their eyes I saw
To my fellow writers, keep writing until your heart can no longer write
Or you will to pass a bitter soul as I
Love her I do, yet I didn't show it
Now my love, will mourn the moon, feel me, the death of a poet
Dizzy and into dead, cemented tears
The cryptic girl burying her hopeless fears
Burying herself alive,
She smells the brown, rotten Earth
She smells death and misery
She smells the scent of hatred in all corners
She tried to go above the grass and scream
She tried and tried
And all she heard was death bells ringing
No one knew- It wasn't her fault
Her voice grew weaker- She could not talk
She became " The Anomie"
She lost her utopia, woe, and fantasy
She lost everything
She's null to every pace she makes
Everyday, she buries herself
Then come out in the enigmatic dusk
As she loved to smell Earth's malodorous pot
Meaningless meanings - she saw tears on a book
They were pictures of a philistine lover-
A dead man never looked