Violet Jessup -
your fate was messed up.
You could say it really stank,
being on the Olympic, Titanic, and Brittanic when they sank.
Stephen Dennison
Dined on potatoes and venison,
but he got an urge, and stole some candy,
spent thirty years in prison. Ain't that dandy?
Mary, Queen of Scots -
was accused of approving plots.
That's what Queen Elizabeth said,
while ordering the removal of her head.
The Grinch
is the guy I want to pinch.
Why would that crazy fool
ever want to steal the yule?
Santa Claus,
I'm just a kid who has four paws,
so, I hope to see beneath the tree,
a chew toy just for me.
Frosty the Snowman,
you ain't got much left to show man -
just coals, a hat, and a carrot stick...
in a puddle. Your spree was over pretty quick.
Bob Cratchit
Did you catch it?
Scrooge says you got a raise.
For Tiny Tim, to God, let's praise.
Rudolf the Rednose Reindeer,
raised not very far from here,
hit the big time on Santa's sleigh,
with gifts for kids both young and grey.
Jack Frost,
I told you to get lost.
Move along, don't linger.
I can't even move a finger.
Bob Cratchit,
Scrooge will bury the hatchet.
Before he changes his views,
buy Tiny Tim's orthopedic shoes.
Santa Claus,
don't send me a toy because,
as I start to think,
help my dad, so he won't drink.
Frosty the Snowman,
your mom told you not to go, man,
outside to play in the sun.
A blizzard's a safer place to have fun.
The Grinch -
that's you, you Christmas monkey wrench.
You should be grateful to know that you
are the subject of a clerihew.
I.
The great Albert Einstein
Would appreciate a fine wine,
And after sipping a little
He would play upon his fiddle
II.
The legendary chemist Linus Pauling
Found the hydrogen and atom bombs appalling,
And after winning one for chemistry he would not cease
Until he won another Nobel Prize for peace.
III.
Madame Marie Sklodowska Curie
Was just as famous as could be—
Amidst the fin-de-siècle pandemonium
She discovered radium and polonium.
An English goal scorer,named Kane
in Russia '18 found world-wide fame.
With six goals,he has the Golden Boot
for with both head and foot,he could shoot.
a striker,one,Christiano Ronaldo
In the World Cup,gave a one-man-show,
With hat-tricks galore
Goals of skill,never seen,before
Warning, if you are under 60 you may not "get" some of these.
Mohammad Ali
taunting with poetry,
his opponents he'd zing
as he danced 'bout the ring.
Graham Kerr "The Galloping Gourmet"
oft with our minds he would play.
Why else would he pick
the dessert "Spotted Dick"?
Ichabod Crane
rode down rode down the lane.
From the Headless Horseman he'd flee
while on his saddle he peed.
Abbot & Costello,
two funny fellows
were very immersed
into whose on first.
Ed Norton
couldn't laugh without snortin'
which would quickly annoy
old Ralph Boy!
Professor Irwin Corey
told confusing stories,
You'd listen and listen till your eyeballs would glisyen
and not understand what you're missin'
Don Rickles
would offer a nose full of nickels
and got plenty of yuks calling you a schmuck
and dumb as a hockey puck.
Giuseppe "Peppino" Mazzullo,
the voice of Topo Gigio
on Ed's final night
said "Eddie, kessa me goo' night!"
Jack Benny
wouldn't lend you a penny
nor spend a dime -
died when he was 80 at the age of 39.
The man was a legend.
So farewell, Cassius Clay, Ali
You knocked out a bit of poetry
That butterfly one sure packed a sting
And well done on the boxing thing
Mohammed, man, you’re counted out
You gave the boxing thing a shout
Wrote rhyme to make a grown man cry
And dodged the draft like a butterfly
Ali, you’ve packed your final punch
Man, you took boxing out to lunch
Men say that you are God today
Who made Mohammed out of Clay
© Gail Foster
World famous actor Tom Cruise
in talent and looks cannot lose.
Success is the guy’s middle name.
It’s his love life he just can’t maintain!
A younger and hotter Tom Cruise
must have had to wear lifts in his shoes.
His first wife Nicole was so tall!
Did size ever matter at all?
With a much younger starlet, Tom Cruise
got attached, and it made for great news
when he jumped on a sofa with glee
for the whole world to see on TV.
The now over-50 Tom Cruise,
to avoid more marital blues,
ought to find a new partner who
adores Scientology too.
PEE WEE HERMAN
Thought cops wouldn’t determine,
he put himself in that popcorn box.
Maybe he should have used his socks.
HOWARD HUGHES
A world famous recluse.
Millions for planes, women and cars,
treasured most his urine in jars.
CATHERINE THE GREAT
A czarina whose needs couldn’t wait.
Rumored to have a private stable,
with horses…. if her Cossacks weren’t able.
AESOP
May his fables never stop,
true treasures among many Greek joys.
Whereas Socrates, Plato, chose educating boys.
GEORGE WASHINGTON
Add to the amazing things he’s done,
was never caught chewing a mint wreath,
while mixing politics and funky breath from wood teeth.
PONCE de LEON
I hate to tell you son,
you searched Florida for the fountain of youth.
AARP there first, how’d you miss the booth.
MARILYN MONROE
There’s a girl I wanted to know.
It could’ve worked out fine,
if Bobby and Jack didn’t head the line
COLUMBUS
Signore Christopher Columbus came up with a wacky notion.
He claimed he could reach India by crossing the Atlantic Ocean!
"Just think of all them spices and gold! We ain't got nothin' to lose!"
Queen Isabella thought him nuts but reluctantly funded the cruise.
LT COLONEL CUSTER
Arrogant Custer thought he was the greatest thing since the invention of dynamite!
He took on Sitting Bull who outnumbered him two to one which wasn't very bright.
He led the Seventh Cavalry to disaster ne'er to answer another morning roll call!
'Yellow Hair' proved that old Biblical admonition, "Pride goeth before the fall!"
MOSES
Moses led the Israelites up out of Egypt through the desert to the Promised Land.
He hesitated but God roared, "You the man, Mo!" placing a magic staff in his hand!
So Moses with resolute stride led the Israelites to the land of milk and honey,
Muttering to himself, "Damned if I'll ever do this again for any amount of money!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
I learned something the other day that I never knew.
There is a form of poetry known as the clerihew!
'Tis a form of rhyme about a luminary of some fame,
And the first line must contain the feller's name.
Alexander Graham Bell, as every schoolboy has known,
Was the genius who invented the mysterious telephone.
'Tis well known that he is credited for this famous coup,
Uttering the immortal line, "Watson, come here - I want you!"
Paul Revere is famous for making a daring midnight ride,
Heralding, "The Brits are coming!" to the countryside!
As a Boston silversmith he also gained a modicum of fame.
In this enlightened age we still "revere" his name!
Henry Ford satisfied the masses, we may all agree,
By manufacturing the venerable Ford Model "T".
He said, "You can choose any color as long as it's black!"
He even tossed in fenders, a crank and a sturdy jack!
Ben Franklin was a multi-talented feller indeed,
Noted mainly for helping develop our nation's creed.
Perhaps also known for suffering a shocking jolt,
Fooling around with an occasional lightning bolt!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired (© All Rights Reserved)
Looking for the formal definition, structure, and history of this poetry form? Visit the Poetry Dictionary entry below. Then return to explore how PoetrySoup members bring the form to life through their own poems.