‘You’ve had one too many’
Declared old Paddy’s wife
She always spoiled his evenings
With her ‘trouble’ and her ‘strife’
‘I’m absolutely sober’
He replied with much aplomb
‘I’ve only had a couple
And I’m drinking beer, not rum’
‘I don’t care what you’re drinking,
You don’t know when to stop
I rue the day I married you
You useless, boozy sop’
‘Oh, hold your blather, Missus
Give that whinging voice a rest
The day you married me
I’ll have you know you got the best’
‘Got the best? Well I’ll be buggered
You really are a pain
I wish that you’d get off yer ass
And fix that broken windowpane’
Now at this Paddy got real pissed
And sat up in his chair
‘Don’t you talk to me of work!’
He said with wild-eyed glare
‘I’ve worked myself to death for you
But you only whinge and moan
I swear I’ll clobber you real good
If you keep on with that tone’
But she was unrepentant
And continued with her rant
On and on she chided him
With never ending cant
The last was one too many
For this much maligned hubby
So he lurched across the kitchen
And he hit her with his stubby!
Categories:
buggered, humor, humorous, husband, ireland,
Form: Limerick
She wandered like a gypsy to Wyoming,
Where she settled in and sojourned for a spell.
She found herself a billet at the Hog Ranch,
And son, there weren’t no high-tone clientele.
It was just a soiled dove’s privy crib
Where Martha Jane set up her chicken coop.
She was a cowhand’s heartthrob,
All buckskin and sutler whiskey.
She could drive a team of oxen.
She could drive a man to sin.
Times she frequented Old Bedlam,
Drillin’ with them soldier boys;
Some were galvanized Yankees,
Some were mere tenderfoot lads.
When she wasn’t barkin’ at a knot,
She’d be somewhere raisin’ sand.
She considered each calamity
That buggered her contentment
As just another maverick to brand.
Categories:
buggered, adventure, allegory, america, western,
Form: Blank verse
Removing a friend, all because they are selfish.
Years later they appear "let's try to resolve this"
They set out these rules
and what they want to change,
they think it ended mutual...
bloody selfish still the same.
I say you are someone that I removed and out of view,
my thoughts haven't changed, and clearly you haven't too.
You're trying to manipulate and then control or use,
the same reason I buggered off, you haven't got a clue!!
You say to people we are now good,
that selfishness misunderstood,
never changed, lying, fake and false,
insane selfish and a bit delusional
Categories:
buggered, friendship, humorous, irony,
Form: Rhyme
by Bob Moore © 2018
For man to live he has the need, for coal and oil and gas
and if the Greens don’t understand, they can stick it up their a**
They’ve buggered South Australia, with their solar and windmills
and now their blaming others, as they swallow bitter pills
Jay says it is the Feds to blame, and coal fired stations, so
he will do it all alone, and off half cocked he will go
He’ll build a brand new station, for the one he had closed down
cost taxpayers half a billion, ‘cause he has played the clown
He’ll fix the problem pretty quick, and a hero he will be
the silly bugger cannot grasp, the biggest problem here, is he
Categories:
buggered, men,
Form: Rhyme
Sadness settles sometimes and drapes itself
Around my shoulders like a grey blanket
Weighs me down
It’s a well acquainted killjoy
An unwelcome and uninvited guest
Who overstays his welcome
Will I ever see the colours again?
It’s hard to believe
The picture’s all in grayscale now
Should I cry yet again like many times before
Where tears fall and follow familiar furrows?
Should I scream or should I pray or should I tell a friend?
Would it help I wonder?
I’ll try to smile behind this burden
Till beneath its weight I buckle
And with a feeble voice confess
That I’m buggered beyond belief
Categories:
buggered, cry, depression, sad,
Form: Free verse
There worra a young lad called Albert,
He were allus up t' no good,
He'd stand ont corner by t'lamp post,
sparkin' 'is clogs like mad,
'til day he were caught by 'is Dad.
Dad said to him, now stop it,
Tha's wearin' out tips my lad,
an I'll 'ave t' up n fix 'em
wi me hammer n me last,
Then 'e gave Albert a clip round earhole,
wi' edge o' his cloth cap as he passed.
Albert thought sparkin' were painful,
holdin' 'is ear, n sheddin' a tear
So he buggered off in t' next street,
mekkin sure is Dad weren't near.
In Lancashire dialect
© Dave Timperley 18 July 2017.
Categories:
buggered, funny,
Form: Rhyme
Lady Tara rolls the dice
Lady Tara tolls the bell,
Mongst demons of the Buddist hell
Greed and avarice of the psyche
Tibetan wheels do mortals strike,
And greed is sure to tell,
Pointless mortal avarice,
Does dwell,
But not in paradise:}
Just hell,
Go get yeself a slice:{
The greedy buggered well,
Try it once or twice,
Till ego rings the bell,
Compliance rolls the dice….
Don Johnson
Categories:
buggered, adventure,
Form: Rhyme
Joe black Cat
black as the night,
gone in flight,
when you turn he isnt there,
locks dont hold,
the black im told,,
has buggered off orright,
brown snakes do run in fright,
cos the black he isn’t there,
and Halliwell tears his hair,
as Joe bestalks the night….
Don
Take yer eyes off Joe and he's gone, tangled with a few deadly Brown snakes already,
wheres the antivennine hey.....
LORIKEET IS the owner of the black kitty
Categories:
buggered, adventure,
Form: Ballad
My wife read Fifty Shades last week
It’s gone right to ‘er ‘ead
Now I lies in trepidation
Every time I goes to bed
Just yesterday she came in nude
And chained me up, real tight
She snapped the lock, put on her frock
Then buggered off all night
Categories:
buggered, funny, humorous,
Form: Rhyme
Candlelight monorhyme
By candlelight I said gooday,
The little shiela came my way,
Stood me up, she didn’t play,
Buggered off with Joey Jay,
Darkside dinna want em hey,
Rejecting poncing pals I say,
Catch another girl I may,
Cos I’m just ol Johnson, grey.
Don
Russell Sivey
Contest Name
By CandleLight |
Categories:
buggered, adventure,
Form: Monorhyme
Yet look upon me face n see,
some other bugger looks back at me ,
where is johnson he was orright,
must have buggered of into the night,
him i still can't see....?
Don Johnson
thanks Michael J F
Categories:
buggered, adventure, me,
Form: Ballad
Tyranisauris
Tyranisauris Rex said bugger off Tex
This is my swamp today
Fair suck of the sav
Don’t stick our you neck
Or I’ll slap you silly hey
So he buggered off in a cloud of scales
Cos Rex he didn’t play
No love affair
Frustrated yeah
And then he went away
Don Johnson
Categories:
buggered, adventure
Form: Rhyme