I knew a filly, thought she was bovine
Whenever she talked, out came this line
‘I am man’s best friend’
This girl would deadpan
'He drinks my milk ~ He is udderly fine'
bovine humor
farmers drinking coffee
arbys meet up
bull stories
waitress has a red face
cattlemen laughing
I'm Olive, a once flatulent cow.
Spinach is all I eat now.
That silly green grass
is a thing of the past,
for a new wind is blowing this hour.
To methane reduction all power!
If you're a cow too,
show assent by a moo.
Comment:
What could be odder
than this switch to new fodder?
Eyes like pools of dark chocolate,
A large nose to lick with your tongue,
Ears stuck on the side of your head,
A tail to swat the flies away,
Standing in the field chewing grass,
You look so docile so sweet,
I love cows so walk toward you,
Getting closer you look at me,
Then I see ....... your a bull,
Time to run
Rain, rain, rain,
unending rain;
insufferable, unstoppable;
sky-diving baubles
dancing, drowning plants,
flooding land;
keeps me running to the toilet...
Fools blame the cows,
say, “It’s caused by methane” but,
Bovine’s have been around for centuries;
blaming them for
global warming and climate change
is the equivalent of
blaming insomnia on a pea!
Written: 2-21-19
For: "Pithy Pants 2 Poetry Contest"
The pigs want a piece of this action
No way are they going to oink this alone
They don't know how but they're going to make it happen
The only draw back is the lack of thumbs
How in the world did those cows hold the hammers?
Where did the sheep get all their ideas?!
After all it's the goats with the brains!
Them and all of their kids
They don't need that big of a rocket
Room enough for a bucket of slop and a couple pigs with a grin
Asked how many were in the mood for adventure
Not by the hair of their chinny chin chins
Some of the little piggies were off at the market
Some little piggies would rather stay home
To eat all the newly purchased roast beef
Which left the other piggies with none
But most of the piggies would rather just wee wee at home
I guess when it comes to the pigs
And adventurous spirits they seem to have none
They find enjoyment on earth in the back yard
Laying around wallering in mud
This is last of the farm animals I care to try and send to space at this time....
As always thank you for your patience and understanding....
The management.
I know you hate a slaughterhouse
I know what you eat with slit tongues
I know what lures your sly saliva
I know what bites your bile and bovine
I know what irks your intimate ingest
I know you love beefed up truth
I know you like cooked up lies
I know you pore hot porridge
I know you have chimes, crabs and nebula
I know you meet your muscles and minion ego
Unlike me, you cherish your bovine spirits and bile vines
Thinking about a savage kitchen, you perish in my baked lands
And I shall have you in my last supper in the retreat to unfreedom
A Bovine Analogy
By Elton Camp
The bull has the best end of the deal
Because no discomfort does he feel
Morning sickness is to him unknown
Into no hormonal tizzy is he thrown
He doesn’t begin to gain any weight
But, as before, continues to look great
It isn’t necessary he eats for two
So just his regular meals will do
When she’s no longer nice and trim
All the cows in the pasture belong to him
While, about her, no other bull will care
And won’t even notice that she’s there
When her delivery time comes near
The bull has not a single reason to fear
Even if she should strain and bawl
He will feel no searing pain at all
Does this analogy bring to mind
The situation found with humankind?
There’s only one thing that I can say
For the females, give a big hooray!
Bovine ailments make cows sad
Diseases I have never had
Dreams that cannot be fulfilled
Stomachs, four, happiness, nil
Soured milk from rotting udders
Poorly calfs with fretting mothers
Coughing, wheezing as they plod
Where many a gangrenous hoof has trod
In pastures green you ruminate
Lamenting your uneven gait
Too weak to really go the distance
Requiring veterinary assistance
Perpetual clouds in bovine skies
Leave salty tears in Freisians’ eyes
Time may heal, but it can’t take back
The worms in your digestive tract
Killing time is half the battle
For disease inflicted cattle
In the wake of wooden tongue
And lumpy jaw, you stand undone
Bovine ailments make cows die
In peace at last, their carcasses lie
Let fate release its tedious vultures
To feast on victims of agriculture
From parasitic infection released
Now ambling in joy and peace
On to cow heaven, single file
Softly mooing, breaking a smile
When I look at you I am reminded
why I always bail in exasperation,
offended at the vastness of your sloth.
So many excuses for why you can't bother to care
Naturally, your lack of purpose
bloats your ego to a roaring level of hilarity.
Keep yourself behind, shrug your shoulder,
maybe they'll give you your very own assistant.
No wonder you've been acting almost like
a human again. You've broken the code!
Get them expecting less as you drift
unable to keep from sighing as if buried.
Why I can't find amusement in your
natural metamorphosis is beyond my
fathoming. Trapped, I listen to you bleat away
as you keep acquiring new dolls for your string.