I woke in the night
out for a pee
How tedious.
It was half-past two.
Then I remembered.
On with slippers
and dressing gown.
Outside
adjusting my vision
away from the moon –
orange pink smudges
to west and north,
a wavy whitish line
and above the horizon
a glow of light.
The aurora.
A reward.
A ticket
from my ageing bladder!
Needles of sleep still in my eye
Indigo dreams push, pass me by
Given the fullest bladder from hades
Have to run to the toilet makes a crazy
Teal thoughts of poetic bliss
Onyx night sky I’d be scared to remiss
Whites of my eyes turning red
Lovelies goodnight going back to bed
I struggled when I had a cold
As urine my bladder can't hold
I piddled quite a bit
During one coughing fit
I'm upset, as I'm not that old!
"Open door!" yells he,
"Outta way, need a wee!"
After piddle,
Timeless riddle,
"What's for tea?"
"Can't chat!' says she,.
"Need a wee!"
So you and me,
Aging bladder to you,
"Where's the loo?"
Anywhere you go,
Wait, soon you'll know!
I sensed that my bladder might be angry at me
as recently it screams of urgency.
The other day when I heard loud chatter, I said
"dear bladder, what ever is the matter?"
He said, "lately you don't listen so I have to shout
in order for you to let fluids out.
I've always been loyal and had your back but
please remember I'm only a sac. If you keep
stretching me I'll get out of whack."
After our little brain to body conversation I
now listen to my bladder to avoid his indignation.
there are places i will never see
there are places i would like to be
there are attractions that i would like to view
then there is the main attraction, which is you
i remember sleeping under the noise
i remember waking up with mosquito bites and ticks on my genitals
i remember snot and tears turning to ice on my face
i remember laying my head against your heart, the warmest of any place
confusion left me at a standstill while still moving
confusion righted me with two left feet while still grooving
confusion created mirages in the dry desert of life
confusion lead me to you, the foundation that helped overcome all struggle and strife
A lady with a weak bladder*
Thought nothing could make her madder
But Heaven knows
Her pantyhose
Revealed a soaking-wet ladder!
*Weight gain stretches bladder muscle causing
leakage. The French strengthen bladder muscle by
blowing up balloons. The Japanese prefer sitting on
a wooden stool and repetitiously lifting their legs level
to the floor, but the quickest results are achieved by
the Manx Method developed by avid researcher Jan
Allison, which consists of standing on one's head
and farting along with the 1812 Overature!
I used to be a "hottie"but now, I just go potty.
What on earth could be the matter with my ever shrinking bladder?
I hold no affection for my sun damaged complexion. Too many summers at the sea have caused barnacles to grow on me. Alas hoorah, horr ray, at least my
hair's not turning gray..My aging back is not that great and with these hips I negotiate, and try to keep stiffness at bay, just to face another day. I now write
a weekly "to do list", so things don't go awry, things I might miss..I think growing older really sucks, unless ofcourse one has big bucks and can afford those nips and tucks.
She was angry with the daughter!
Lost her temper with the father!
Nearly to death, kicked the cat!
Called her only son “a little prat”!
Family was surprised by her mood,
They have never seen her this rude,
She was always so placid and calm,
Her behaviour today raised alarm!
She woke up with aches and moans,
Progressed soon to frequent groans,
Soon she was on the floor in a pile,
Vomiting lots and lots of green bile!
Worried they rushed her to the clinic,
It was all so sudden and all so manic,
That a nice person would transform,
From gentle soul to a human bomb!
The surgeon, Mr. Tan allayed her fear,
His voice loud, unfettered and clear
“Reason you are so mad and madder
Is because of an angry gall bladder!”
She was listed for Keyhole operation,
Nurse calmed her down with sedation
Post surgery she slept well that night
Next day she was calm and upright!
Badder Bladder Climbing Ladder
There had been a problem with my bladder,
Higher and higher I would climb tall ladder;
When I quibbled,
Dribbled and dribbled;
Bader and bader did become my bladder.
Jim Horn
Seated in the middle of a long row
theatre fan Joe urgently had to go.
But the play was running late
and his bladder couldn't wait.
So Joe went with the flow of the show.
Bladder or Not
There once was a man with a bladder so small
It was almost as if he had no bladder at all
Two cups of coffee and wouldn’t you know
He had to stop for he had to go
He said it’s his pills, not the size of his bladder
And what he was drinking just didn’t matter
But his loving young wife said that he was all wet
With the thought of a liquid, to the bathroom he’s get
But she said that this little quirk didn’t matter
For she so loved the man with the wee little bladder
Numbers on
White board…names written hori-
zontally
Students ask
To go pee…right when class starts –
THAT’S just wrong…
Bathroom line
Of students who have bladder
Problems – WOW!
People are
Not using lunchtime to do
Their business
No one knows
When to do their duties – SER-
IOUSLY?
At tender old age
This man doesn't have IT
The BLADDER fell off the LADDER
While fogetting to take a -HIT
Flabby fish wants BAIT
But nothin' a comin'
The BELLY turning JELLY
A reality that I especially HATE
Advancing TIMER
Dreading ALZHEIMERS
The bulge is unsightly
and so is his MANNERS
Coming to TERMS
Before I get WORMS
Stay away from this geezer
Before you get my GERMS!!
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