Best Wise Guy Poems
you are aware of it
even I'm aware of it
that parallel are going to be our ways
we might never see each other again
but getting away from me,my thoughts are in which you will forever remain
your presence was like a fountain
which is full of love rather than rain
your absence is going to give me a tremendous pain
forever which is going to remain
1 year later
the summer is coming,the summer is going
but the season of sadness is never seem to be get finish
all the happiness which were previously
in my life have gone
but there's one grief which never seem to postpone
these eyes have cried for you
these eyes remain awaken all night waiting for you
I just wanted to remind you that
where ever you go never forget
that somebody is living for you
where ever you go remain safe
because somebody is living for you
that's only what my heart wants
the terrors of forgeting you are which
always haunts
I wanted to know that whether you are safe or not
but a wise guy told me that
don t ask questions you don t wanted to know the answers to
Categories:
wise guy, break up, emotions, fear,
Form:
Romanticism
My room at the Hyatt
Smelled like my ex-wife
She didn't have oodles of class
Or wasn't overly fancy
So, it must be that aroma of
Almost masking what had
Taken place the night before
We greeted each other with
A welcoming suspicion
The bathroom lighting flawless
Standing in the mirror with
Perfect tan and bright white A
T-shirt
Khaki slacks pulled high and
Wise guy hair cut
I wonder if Capone ever went to see
The Cubbies play
Beautiful sunny day, not too warm
Plenty of room on the mezzanine
At Wrigley
A pleasantly safe distance from the
Big middle aged guys with
Some other man's name on their back ' s
Exhaling brat breath
And beer farts
the Windy City loves their team
Categories:
wise guy, baseball, chicago, humorous, sports,
Form:
Free verse
For me the whole universe is a stage
The past, the present, the future, every people, every age
I ride on the wings of my imaginations and they take me to my next place
I can write on history, mysteries and on every thing my pen can engage
I am a poet, a poet
My pen and I are in perfect harmony
I don't write for fame, neither for money
But my words are the explanation of my emotions
Endless like a sky and deep like an ocean
They tell my hatred, fears and devotions
I am a poet, a poet
In people eyes I can see the pain
I have the gift through which emotions can be explained
I sit alone in the silence of nights, people think that I am insane
But by sitting alone, nature is what I see and peace is what I obtain
I am a poet, a poet
One moment I am kissing a girl, next I am in another century
One moment I am on Earth, next I am swimming in the lakes of mercury
One moment I am a child, next I am celebrating my wedding anniversary
One moment I am a thief, next I am helping to stop burglary
I am a poet, a poet
Last year I saw a white glistening olive tree
Neither of west nor of East
A tree which would glow even if wash my sea
It was full of fruit for animals and beast
There I had my dinner with angels and priests
Then I had on the wings of my imaginations and I was released
I am a poet, a poet
Being a poet I have experienced a world with compassionate cries
A world where there was no act of kindness, empath dies
Where the wolves lives in sheeps clothing and devil lives in disguise
There was not even a single wise guy, it was a world full of lies
A dark place where the sun neither sets nor rise
I am a poet, a poet
I have also experienced a world where angels sing you lullabies
A place where nobody ever cries, where only love and love lies
Justice prevails all over it, even lion and deer lives in peace
Here the birds wake you up with their sweet melodies
I am a poet, a poet
The example of my words can be found in oceans which flow
My inspiration can be found in thousand flakes of snow
I can write on beauty which falls in the form of rain
Or on the beauty I see in the fields of ripening grain
I understands the melody of the bird which sings
In my dreams, I imagine thousand splendid things
I am a poet, a poet
23 September 2018
Categories:
wise guy, dream, imagery, world,
Form:
Rhyme
Can you imagine my surprise
When I woke up with thunder thighs
I looked in my mirror and
It gave me back a knowing grin
Hard and heavy the diet days
And all of my sweet tooth chocolate craves
Knowing what's in front of me
Makes this fat boy wanna scream
So I check out the internet
To find the perfect diet yet
Lets see......
Urine injections from a pregnant babe
That seems to be the latest craze
How about this bubble wrap
I just might be down with that
Who is there to really say
Which pill and how many I should take
One that sympathizes with the way I feel
While feeding me pint size starvation meals
Here's one guaranteed to clean my clock
While the next ten days I'm on the toilet docked
This is funny...try and eat more sensibly
That's like a foreign language to me
Get your daily exercise
Obviously written by some wise guy
Goes to prove just what I've heard
On the internet don't believe every word
How about the Himalayan soft cheese wrap
The secrets in the cheese to squeeze off the fat
Or I could go the Hollywood way
Have it sucked out and back to eating in one day
There are so many options here
It's hard to know which way to steer
As my options all expand
Think I'll just go buy elastic waist band pants
And learn to enjoy in my own eyes
The fact that I have thunder thighs
Categories:
wise guy, funny, humor,
Form:
Free verse
It is pointless to write with dull pencils
When a pen keeps the sheep safe at night.
And water can flow from a hole in the ground
As long as the spring’s not too tight.
Cargo is sent from a shipyard
But a shipment can go out by car.
A wise man is often superior
But a wise guy is usually subpar
Tonight I will drive down the parkway,
Yet park in the driveway at home.
No wonder I can’t speak this language
It only makes sense in a poem!
© Dean Wood
Oct. 26, 2017
Categories:
wise guy, funny, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
Categories:
wise guy, love, wife
Form:
Light Verse
The Foreign Student
By Elton Camp
Ahamed’s command of English wasn’t so good
But to make a fine impression, he did all he could
He walked up to one of his professors in the hall
It was the South, so he nicely said, “Howdy y’all.”
“To be a member of your class is a great delight.
I overheard some students praise you last night.”
“They said you’re so smart, you don’t have to try.
It just comes naturally for you to be a wise guy.”
Categories:
wise guy, humor,
Form:
Rhyme
“So tell me,” I asked the young boy,
“to whom does one owe Christmas joy?”
But the lad looked at me
and just said, “Can’t you see?
It means when you get the best toy!”
“Do you know why the wise men rode far
on their camels to follow a star?”
With surprise in his eyes,
he said, “How were they wise?
They should have just driven a car!”
“Do you know why we have Christmas day?”
But here’s all the poor kid could say:
“You spoke of some dude
that those ‘wise guy’ pursued.
Just WHO was this ‘star’ anyway?”
For PD's the 101 contests in a row --- 20 (Christmas Poems)Poetry Contest
Categories:
wise guy, christmas,
Form:
Limerick
-------*To be read in true Italian Mafia voice....--------
I wanna meet the wise guy.
You know, the pai·san gettin' cute with the Soup!
Cuz' the CAPTCHA preview characters keep throwin' me insults
like GOOF,
DOOF,
and POOP!
At foiwst', no offense was really taken...
'till the vulgarities became evident to me;
and this schmuck starts slappin' insults at me
like: PMSR,
VAGP,
and U 8 ET
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*(all characters are based upon actual characters given to me on the soup)
Categories:
wise guy, funny, on writing and
Form:
Light Verse
I'm driving down Eighteent' Avenoo in Bensonhoist,
I am having a wallear for a hero; I jeet
nothin' yet, and metballs sound great
but I don't wanna wait on line...
like deeze nice kids from North Carolina!
I tried to jump the line, but duh big guy...
a mean-looking man yells,
" Get back on line, weisnheimer... I don't like doze
kinda of guys...yuh're just another customer! "
I am so hungry I could jeet a big cow,
an' wanna give him a piece of my silly mind!
"Oh my god...he makes me mad!"
" Yuh got a lotta nerve, buddy! " I yell back...
" Don't yuh mess with a goomba! "
" Oh, my god...I sound like doze guys from Duh Sopranos...
I wanna no drama, just my meatballs hero and go! "
Duh tall, chubby man stares at me an' says," Listen to me,
don't yuh tawk to me like dat! "...
" Yuh think...yuh're so special!" I axeya
in a nice way, so go back to the line...an' wait like dey do!...
" Do yuh understand? "..." Someone tell me...whatta I'm gonna
do with an idiot like dat? "
" Yuh still laugh at me like I am tellin' yuh a whacky joke! "
He freezes my words...I can't tawk;
and with a huge hero in my hand, I run back to my scash!
Translation:
I'm driving down Eighteenth Avenue in Bensonhurst,
I am having a craving for a sandwich;
I haven't eaten anything yet, and meatballs look great,
but I don't want to wait in line...
like these nice kids from North Carolina!
I try to jump the line, but the big guy,
a mean-looking man looks at me and shouts,
" Get back in line, wise guy...I don't like those kind of guys!"
" You are just another customer!"
I'm so hungry I could eat a big cow,
and I want to give him a piece of my crazy mind,
but the tall, chubby man stares at me and says,
"Listen to me, don't you talk to me like that!"
"You think you are so special! I asked you in a nice way,
so go back in line... and wait like they do!"...
"Do you understand?..."Someone tell me...what I am going to do
with an idiot like that?..."You still laugh at me like I'm telling you a crazy joke!"
He freezes my words...I can't talk;
and with a huge sanwich in my hand,
I quickly run back to my old-beat-up car!
Entered in Debarah's Guzzi contest, " Dialects make the world go around "
Copyright 2009 by Andrew Crisci
Categories:
wise guy, funny, people, places, satire,
Form:
Narrative
Listen to the chumps,
listen to the rubes,
screaming that democracy
is going down the tubes
But every wise guy knows
when the fix is in
To put all their money down
on the one who has no chance to win
It's the art of the con,
art of the con
Guess your vote didn't matter much,
now did it son
It's the art of the con,
art of the con
Getting out the vote don't matter much,
canvassing woman
Seems like all the talking heads
got it wrong from day one
Not just another election cycle
with politricks being done
How does a populist person,
who doesn't win the popular vote,
win the presidential election?
It's the electoral college, you dolt!
It's an old arcane system,
set up way back when
by rich landowners putting
their thumbs on the scale back then
They couldn't let the peasants dictate
all of those really important policies
Just counter balance the popular vote,
always keep an ace up your sleeve
It's the art of the con,
art of the con
Guess your vote didn't matter much,
now did it son
It's the art of the con,
art of the con
Getting out the vote don't matter much,
canvassing woman
When the man of the people
doesn't win the popular vote,
it's good to have a sure backup plan
Don't you get it by now people,
or are you still missing the boat
Power was never placed in your hand
It's the art of the con,
the art of the con
Where less popular is more,
and vote shortfall comes up tall
It's the art of the con,
the art of the con
Guess it really wasn't rigged after all
Categories:
wise guy, corruption, parody, political, satire,
Form:
Political Verse
The Wise Villager
A villager got atop a tall tree
And couldn't get down
He shouted for help
and villagers soon arrived
They looked at each other and asked
'does anyone know how to get him down'
'I know the way' remarked one
'Get a rope and throw it to him
in the tree and ask him to tie it around him''
The villagers were glad at the hint
and proceeded accordingly
when the villager atop the tree came down
they went to pick him up
'Oh my God! he's dead', they screamed
and looked angrily at the wise guy
who had suggested them the method
to get the poor hung up villager down
'Not my fault, friends'', responded the wise one
'Whenever someone fell in the well
I pulled him out the same way
and he was always Alive!''
by mazHur
Categories:
wise guy, hero, judgement, philosophy, satire,
Form:
Free verse
Poet heads up note: This poem is rated pg for some violence.
Born into a mafia family,
with his umbilical cord in a knot,
he took his first breath
as his Mom lay on the cot,
his Dad was big, tough and burly,
while his new son
who they called Don
was very small and squirrely,
and most definitely a runt,
As a teenager he tried
to be tough and to please,
his glasses falling off
every time he sneezed,
Going into his room
to get buffed up and get muscles,
his 90 lb. frame couldn't take it,
and just like at the sight of blood,
he almost always fainted,
His friend Andy at school
knew Don was always funny,
trying to protect him
from the bullies taking his lunch
and giving him swirlies,
Easily intimidated, nervous and shy
he'd be at the shooting range
and always miss the bullseye,
Going with his Dad,
on drive-by mafia shootings,
his gun shaking so bad,
he thought he was going to lose it,
So his Dad gave him a switchblade
to cut peoples throats with,
which he kept hidden well in his coat,
but the only courage he could muster up,
was the vomit from his throat,
As much as Don tried,
his Dad knew his son was yellow,
he'd never be like him,
a wise guy or a goodfellow,
so Don left the family business,
and took a bus out to Hollywood,
he didn't miss murdering in the least,
or the miserable mafia neighborhood,
so now he's famous to say the least,
especially with the little kids,
and currently stars in the sitcom,
"the shakiest gun in the east."
Categories:
wise guy, father son, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
All I am saying is you have to try
Not only will it help you get by
But truly indeed it will help you fly
Under a new earthly universal sky
You are the whole piece of the pie
Now, know when to go apply
This mathematical equation pi
Otherwise your brain will fry
Or it will just sit still here on standby
I am not trying to be this wise guy
Nor I am attempting to shanghai
I am just wanting to dignify
And I am wanting to beautify
They are the ones who falsify
The meaning of your third eye
Because they want to pacify
It’s your mind they want to occupy
With fear they try to petrify
So, I am here to declassify
And of course to testify
It’s you I want to exemplify
Yea, so I got the red eye
Though not like my mind’s eye
Which has definitely hit the bull’s eye
So you come and give it a vie
I bet you will scream banzai
Categories:
wise guy, love, peace,
Form:
Rhyme
My team is losing,
and I'm mad
I shouldn't have put all my money down
It was supposed to be a sure thing,
according to this wise guy Darwin clown
He said evolution
created the perfect mousetrap
But it seems to me
those rat bastards been taking a catnap
He lied
when he said only the strong will survive
He told a tale
when he said man evolved from a snail
He said cats
were the strong perfect predator
And mice were the weak, weak prey
Then how come
every time you turn on the news,
they say the rat population increases everyday
Rats are winning,
they got a million times eleven
Cats are losing,
they got ten thousand times twenty seven
Rats are running everywhere,
loose in the neighborhood
Fat cats are sleeping somewhere,
not doing their job like they should
Darwin lied
when he said survival of the fittest
At last check,
rat numbers were not getting less
Theory of evolution got it wrong again,
looks like the wrong team is gonna win
Looks like they're running up the score,
looks like they're growing more and more
Rats are winning,
they got five million times eleven
Cats are losing,
they got ten thousand times twenty seven
Rats have gotten brazen,
they're eating all the cheese
Cats have grown lazy,
by the fireplace sleeping cozy
Listen up, king cat
Mr. Bad predator
When you're through taking your nap,
if it's not asking too much:
After you take your last snore,
could you get back to work
and catch a few mice that came through the door
'Cause you're losing,
and you're losing bad
My money is getting thinner,
and I'm getting real mad
Rats are winning,
they got fifty million times eleven
Cats are losing,
they got ten thousand times twenty seven
According to evolution,
mice by now should be extinct
Instead, I'm putting more traps
under the kitchen sink
But now I get it:
Darwin the big rat
is in on the fix
The theory of evolution
ain't nothing
but a Mickey Mouse trick
Categories:
wise guy, anger, funny, humor, humorous,
Form:
Light Verse