Best Ventriloquist Poems
He walked on stage, the puppet in one hand
as the audience was clapping, for they knew
the act of this ventriloquist was grand!
His puppet was a sailor dressed in blue,
and quite a sailor’s mouth that puppet had.
As long as his “sailor boy” had a joke,
the puppet master’s show could not go bad.
Such ribald words his lips, unmoving, spoke;
however, the ventriloquist was shy!
Without the “boy,” he had no words to say.
One night a lady winked and then said hi.
He said, “Let’s get together the next day.”
The gal fast came to the realization -
sans puppet, he had no conversation!
June 21, 2018 for Anthony Slausen's Ventriloquist Contest
Thousand thoughts rummage the grey fluff.
Gloomy, godawful voices thump in self-talk
"I'm an idiot, a loser,...... it's all my fault".
Autopsies of the past, tear my flesh,
Regrets of a decade, devour my heart.
Rant of betrayals suffocate my breath.
Capricious sentiments egg me to a wreck.
Loud conch shells stalk me in heavy weight.
I sink in the abyss of "What'll people think?,"
I wish I could not hear what my mind says.
Isn't that echo the shadow of my sound ?
With a mind of steel, the Ventriloquist vowed,
I'll flash away that swampy dummy puppet..
I'll end the endless sabotage of that parrot..
It's my journey, .. my thoughts, ..my dreams.
PLACED FIFTH IN THE CONTEST
13th January, 2019
Plucking the Poisonous Parrot Contest
Sponsor Maureen McGreavy
He mimicked all who entered the darkened room,
felt the fear in their eyes when watched with zeal.
He was a performer and his sidekick Sid seemed real.
Was that really him or was he wearing a costume?
He was just entertaining, they all did assume.
His mouth closed yet voices heard with reverberation,
the microphone shrieked when laughter was heard.
A comedian on stage though he said not one word
giving the excited audience an amusing sensation.
When he was through they clapped in celebration.
The curtain closes, and he cries; tears fall like rain,
he longs to be the laughter he gives while performing,
yet deep inside he knows that he is just mourning.
All the acting and engaging never erases the pain,
the show must go on, his humor must remain.
A ventriloquist who suffered from sadness so intense,
just a man who is applauded when feeling self-pity.
For he is a clown on stage, the king of Second City,
but his anguish too much, his torment too immense.
He was always so happy, this didn’t make any sense.
This man grew old and kept his sidekick Sid near,
he kept it in a locked in a drawer by the staircase.
It was available to open up and take out just in case
he wanted to restart his overshadowed and lost career.
He died suddenly, and Sid went directly to the auctioneer.
Sid was sold for a measly ten dollars; no less no more.
A mother bought him for her son to play with his dad,
but suddenly the son began to act strange and sad.
Sid was nothing but a dummy who brought abhor,
a lifeless evil fiend that hated being kept in a drawer.
Years passed, and Sid never found a true mate,
filled with rage he never let go of his hate.
The Ventriloquist Contest
June 21, 2018
Corky Withers was a Very talented performer,
leaving audiences Excited and mystified
with his magic acts Night after night.
More mesmerizing Than the sleight of hand
was his sidekick, the Raucous, rude dummy, Fats,
through which (whom) he Illustrated his ability
to speak through dead-still Lips. All eyes were on Fats.
Then—well, Fats took Over, so to speak.
Corky, by then Quite mad, ended up killing two people.
Seemingly unassuming and shy, he was Under the spell
of the evil, controlling Fats—Corky’s true Id manifested.
I vividly remember some Scenes from Magic (1978)--
to me, a truly Terrifying movie.
Magic starred Anthony Hopkins, Ann-Margret, and Burgess Meredith.
June 17, 2018, entered in Anthony Slausen's Ventriloquist Poetry Contest
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Hey, ventriloquist -
try putting words in my mouth...
these lips will not move
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
06/21/2018
VENTRILOQUIST POETRY
Ventriloquists can drink gottles of geer
Gut their skeech is odd to our ear:
They can’t say Keter Kiker kicked
A keck of kickled kekkers - they’re tricked
Cos they can’t say gee or kee
And nost often not ewen en or wee.
Healthoquists - lots of fruit they eat:
Akkles, gananas, kineakkles, or kears as a treat
And wegetagles, like kotatoes, keas, kaggages, and geans.
All kinds of geautiful greens.
Religioquists reskect the Koke very nuch
And of course all the gishoks and kriests and such,
And they often read their Gigle
Or any Good Gook awailagle
Koliticoquists kossigly geliewe in reading the Constitution often enough
Gut krogagly not its Kreangle - too tough:
It’s well-known in Philadelphia, Galtinore, and Goston, say;
Gut not in the area of San Francisco Gay
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
NOTE
This poem can be recited in ventriloquist-fashion without moving the lips.
Letters b, p, m, v are replaced by g, k, n, w in normal ventriloquist speech.
Sitting on a rustic chair
Under a dim green light
Discloses behind a wood puppet
Truths concealed with lies
Ventriloquist---
Tongue, mouth, brain, hands
My arm and hand in your back
With my lips tightly closed
You see my face I utter not a word
But I am screaming, singing, talking, yelling
Voice appear to come from this dummy
Did I say my arm and hand in his back
Guess I'm just a ventriloquist
With my lips tightly closed
You see my face I utter not a word
Puppet in hand no, really
But I am screaming, singing, talking, yelling
Voice appear to come from this dummy
Look I insist see no moving lips
I'm just the greatest ventriloquist
I'm a David Strassman enjoys anonymity
Is most noted for developing strong personalities
I'm a Jeff Dunham currently the highest grossing touring comedian
The creation of Achmed The Dead Terrorist
I'm Terry Fator a Las Vegas performer winner of America’s Got Talent
I am Paul Zerdin, a favorite on television, often found entertaining on the Disney Cruise Line
I am Nina Conti hails from the United Kingdom. with her puppet Monk has brought her television fame ability for ad-libbing
I'm Jay Johnson Jay gained fame on the ground-breaking television show SOAP
I'm Taylor Mason grand prize winner on Star Search, earning $100,000 and it wasn't a hoax
I'm Mark Wade
I is America's most foremost kid
I'm Lynn Tretzger hilarious female ventriloquist often entertains at colleges, on cruise ships of sorts
I'm Tom Crowl earned a living making people laugh for over 30 years
best known for his groundbreaking online ventriloquism course
You see my face I utter not a word
Puppet in hand no, really
But I am screaming, singing, talking, yelling
Voice appear to come from this dummy
Look I insist see no moving lips
I'm just the greatest ventriloquist
6/17/18
Ventriloquist Poetry Contest
Sponsored by:Anthony Slausen
Six friends met for seance
brought their dolls
placed ring-a-rosy in the center of a table
dolls holding hands.
Lights were dimmed
and seance session started
guests cast their voices
as ventriloquists to the dolls
without moving their lips.
The dolls gossiped among themselves.
No one knew who made which doll speak.
At first it was a fun
a round table chat.
Some tried different voices.
But then, the mood shifted
as strange new voices appeared
spooky and sinister,
with more serious tone and subject.
First one, then two people left the room
too eerie and sinister by far.
Still the conversation ran round and round
between the chatting dolls.
Then someone noticed
the look on the doll's faces changed -
their eyes moved, they frowned a little.
Their demeanour became angry and bitter.
By then all friends had left the room.
But still the dolls chattered away
with strange voices flung afar
from ghostly six ventriloquists
chatting amongst themselves
in the dark.
traveling teeth in cosmetic bag — silent partner
1/26/2018
Ted could throw his weight around and that wasn't all
but also his voice enabling him to have a ball
no one suspected it was Ted who was a ventriloquist
as his lips wouldn't move while doing his voice trick
At the movies, at work or even in church
folks would hear Elmer Fudd and their eyes would all search
looking at each other thinking where did that come from
while Ted would sit there with a grin having a lot of fun
One day his Auntie passed away and he remembered her voice
attending the wake he thought I have no choice
so while friends and relatives knelt in front of the casket
he would impersonate his Auntie's voice which was prankster classic
Now folks thought his deceased Auntie was trying to contact them
as Ted's high voice cried out, "hey nephews Tom, Bill and Len
you all better be real good to my other nephew Ted
and cater to his needs and keep him very well fed
Cause if you don't I will come back and haunt you
sneaking up unexpectedly saying boo!"
When Tom, Bill and Len heard this they got the shakes
thinking it was their Auntie's voice unaware it was fake
So for a couple of weeks Tom, Bill and Len catered to Ted
taking him out to buffets making sure he was properly fed
till one fateful day Ted's cousins found out exactly what he was doing
as his ventriloquist prank failed because his lips were moving.
6-21-18
a ventriloquist
his voice dangling in midair
waiting for tipoff
Ventriloquist Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Anthony Slausen
20th June, 2018
With absent breath, I perch my gaze upon
The pulpy bow of lips that frame your smile ...
And tho each word they part with is a pawn,
I'm nonetheless enchanted by their guile,
While each one like an arrow, pierces, vile.
So throw my heart away without a choice ...
If you could only throw, instead ... your voice.
~ 4th Place ~ in the "Number 460 Any Form or None" Poetry Contest, Brian Strand, Sponsor.
What was that you said? Was that an expletive I heard?
I’m the dummy here, ask yourself, that’s absurd!
I distinctly heard you say a naughty word that rhymes with fit.
Then you heard incorrectly what I said, and that’s not it!
There you go again, with that word that rhymes with bell
Wow, this is mixed up today, are you not feeling well?
Sit and tell are what I said, I am in charge here!
Next, you'll be accusing ME of drinking your last beer
If you don’t watch it Buster, you’ll be so much firewood
Then just where would you end up, without me, you’re no good
Well then, you had better watch your words, now don’t be dumb
Says the man with dental work and whose mouth is numb
wood and strings turn the clock's
involuntary response.
hands set in motion with
the turn of a wrist,
half past remembering
the moment before.
odd numbered time signatures
pull a wooden head and hands to fold
like some pocketwatch prophet.
who shudders for a moment,
then grows still waiting for the hour
or celestrial string to slacken
and realease him.
he is not his own but anothers.
course the hands that follow
the grain of his expression,
waiting for fingers to grasp and
guide him through his seasonal acts.
umbilical chorded gears ratchet
in him to open wooden lips.
the blackened ivory teeth play in minor.
severe and break.
how he hangs there
so still and without a sound.