Best Swatted Poems

NOTE: Some of you seemed to enjoy my stories from the past. Of course, posting this in the story folder is tantamount to burying it six feet under, as you know, so I'm posting it here. I understand that some will see the length and...

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There's a pesky mosquito hoverin' around our ears
If he keeps it up he'll soon be splattered in smears
T-Buzz tries to draw our blood
When he gets hit with a THUD!
We'll celebrate his demise with a party ~ Cheers!
        ...

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He squealed,
Like a pig in heat
Praising God for he believed

He sat, 2 years old 
And he looked at the lord
Drew an angels breath
Swatted a toy
A bird that could not fly
Meant for another mans eye


Gramp's died 
took a colorado bound plane
in the seat pocket in front
was...

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Two bee or not two bee
swarming bout me bed
I swear for sure I swatted one
I sure hope she is dead

Oh no she must have gotten me
just below my ear
the swelling it is rising
and I don't think I can hear

I run right to the bathroom
into the...

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My neighbour her name is Matilda
She used to step out with a builder
She loved the exotic, but became quite neurotic
When his lovemaking no longer thrilled her

Her plumbing was starting to go on the blink
And her toilet was leaking and so was her sink
She needed a...

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she is scarred so deeply inside
yet she chooses to remain beautiful
gloom of darkness engulfs her
yet she dons a mask of brightness
stab of humiliation slices her 
yet she attempts to bandage her wounds

in her solitary moments
she keeps wondering
if her life is worth living
and the war she...

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These once nimble fingers,
pinned diapers on your behind.
Swatted the misbehaving toddler,
when you got out of line.

Held you the first day of school,
applauded loudly as the graduate passed.
Waved goodbye when you moved to college,
prayed your marriage and happiness would last.

I use words to paint memories,
to remind...

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Today I had the roughest day that I have ever had.
Of all the crazy, wacky ones, this day’s been really bad.
It started when I first woke up and fell out of my bed.
I cut my scalp so deep the blood was dripping from my head.

I...

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P.S.: Take Note
We are met again 
at the crossroads of delusions
reminiscing failed choices 
and broken promises;
here we stand once again 
in the vanity of illusions
reflecting tainted truths 
and old compromises.
Here they come again 
dancing in our faces;
streaming confetti,
blinding revelations of lies,
pretending there’s no more parting...

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There was a great asthenospheric disruption
Followed by parallel volcanic eruptions
There was a great, abrupt tectonic shift
In a moment, a million years of continental drift

The ground shook like a wet dog out of water 
Mother earth swatted her sons and daughters
The fault lines re-created all notions...

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Solomon Cook

1820 – 1900

It was a miracle. 
I entered this wicked world with
Mother’s umbilical wrapped around my neck like a noose,
Inside a cold cabin made of stone.
My mother,
A beauty of burden,
Chopped the wood
And served chicken neck soup on special occasions.
My father taught me stories from...

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Ida Kincaid

1866 - 1903


I was Ida Kincaid
Wife of Charles
And mother of a pernicious brood of five sinister sons.
My first born required eighteen hours of excruciating labor,
And I should’ve known then! 
After Charles, our son, finally had his behind swatted
By the venerable Doctor Lont,
Charles, my husband,...

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An unsophisticated feller attending an auction could find himself in a pickle!
The nuances, subtleties and gestures used in bidding could cost him a pretty nickel!
A city feller decided to attend a farm auction to see what it was all about.
Alas, he accumulated a heap of...

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I am no revolutionary
For mine is not an ideal
A noble statement
I ain’t gonna give a speech
No riling up crowds, riots
This ain’t no cause
No movement for you to join
All that it is 
A cry to the heavens

I am a man tired
Tired of all this
This pain, this...

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Sand flows much too quickly in that goldarn hour glass
I'm no spring chicken, but I'll have to take a pass
If a guy thinks he rocks
Wearing fuzzy socks and crocs
That nerdy look is just too dorky for this lass

I've had lots of men flirt with me...

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