Farm Auction

An unsophisticated feller attending an auction could find himself in a pickle! The nuances, subtleties and gestures used in bidding could cost him a pretty nickel! A city feller decided to attend a farm auction to see what it was all about. Alas, he accumulated a heap of needless stuff before he could figure it out! He was fascinated by the tractor, manure spreader, horses, hogs and cows, And the chickens, goats, manure forks and hay to be auctioned in the mows! The auctioneer began his alien spiel and the feller couldn't understand a word, But farmers in overalls and John Deere caps knew exactly what they heard! Bidding began on an old steel-wheeled 1925 Model D over-used John Deere. The feller watched others offer their bids as he reached to scratch his ear. The auctioneer yelled, "SOLD to the man scratchin' his ear over by the fence!" He was the stunned owner of a tractor - it happened so fast he didn't have a chance! Next up for bid were a fancy chamber pot, two horse collars and fifty feet of hose. The feller in all innocence swatted at a pesky fly that had landed on his nose! The auctioneer yelled, "SOLD to the guy who swatted his nose for fifty dollars! Son, you got a steal! That's an antique thunder mug and so is them there collars!" The auctioneer opened bidding for twenty bales of newly cut alfalfa hay. The feller was distracted for a moment and waved at a pal across the way. "SOLD" said the auctioneer, "Please write a check for this stuff to my able aide!" The hapless guy was wondering how he'd explain to his spouse the purchases he'd made! Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired © All Rights Reserved