Best Somewhat Poems

If love is a game I need a referee
If sex is a game I want instant re-play
I played the game of life but fouled out
Life stinks (Forgot to take a shower his morning)
Just my luck, life was but a dream and my alarm went off

Does...

Continue reading...

First grade, pelted with eggs
  Second grade, broke both legs
Third grade, fell down the stairs
  Fourth grade, clawed by a bear

Fifth grade, ran into a tree
  Sixth grade, twisted a knee
Seventh grade, concussed my head
  Eighth grade, fell out of bed

Ninth...

Continue reading...

If love is just a game we need a referee
If SEX is just a game I want instant replay
She stole my heart and as a result, I became a heartless person
SO, when I asked her to have a heart she said “Heck no, I already...

Continue reading...

It was just after I posted 
My last two poems
Our precious poetrysoup
Went Ka Boom

With hope I pray I wasn't the cause 
Of the dreadful fall
But I must get something off  my chest
My son-in-law is climbing the walls

You see he read his poem
And called me...

Continue reading...

SOMEWHAT MORE THAN A PHENOMENON - FAITH

FAITH IS A POWERFUL THING…
F alling to my knees in prayer,
A sking not but worshiping the Lord.
I am only a crusader for the cause of creation.
T herefore, I bow unto The!
H e will hoist my spirit and embrace my...

Continue reading...

NEVER venture outdoors when it's raining cats and dogs
It rained cats and dogs during a drought and the farmers were NOT amused
It rained cats and dogs and the county WORKERS were not amused
However they were grateful because there had been recent layoffs
Due to inflation, every...

Continue reading...

ON THE ROCKS
 
Talk about bad luck, I hit rock bottom and broke a leg
One advantage to hitting rock bottom is at least I know which way is up now
I hit Rock’s bottom and he promptly kicked my bottom from one end to the other
It...

Continue reading...

It's one a.m., he decides it's time go to the club.
He is wearing a pair of tight jeans and a white T-shirt 
tattooed to his torso. A lit cigarette in his mouth seems glued 
to the top of his lip. He walks to his own...

Continue reading...

this is the tale of jim drew

who did what mom told him to

except for the dishes

when they ate cat fishes

then he would quickly skiddoo.
...

Continue reading...

I made a wish upon a star and really got burned
I made a wish upon a star and left Madonna breathless
I hitched my wagon to a star but forgot my spacesuit
The stars in my eyes turned out to be black holes

I couldn’t rise to the...

Continue reading...

Overweight law enforcement official:
Whopper
Copper

Nickname for a rather pudgy Charles Dickens Character:
Whopper
Copper

Overweight Janitor:
Whopper 
Mopper

Big fat lie:
Whopper
Whopper

Lockjaw:
Chopper
Stopper

Highway Patrolman pulling over a Hell’s Angel:
Chopper
Stopper
 
Louis XVI banned the Guillotine and thus was nicknamed the Great and Royal:
Chopper
Stopper

Church secretary to parishioners in a confession line:  ‘Lunch break! In...

Continue reading...

Safety tip: NEVER venture outside when it’s raining cats and dogs
The last time it rained cats and dogs the county workers were NOT amused
It rained cats and dogs during a drought and the FARMERS were not amused

When Gene Kelly sang in the rain he got...

Continue reading...

There was an old Santa from Limerick
Who became so odd as a maverick
He drove all his reindeer insane
When they showered him with methane
And lived the rest of his life choleric.

He was nominated Santa once more
When the weatherman forecast rain to pour
But his reindeer had all...

Continue reading...

It’s a double-shot espresso at midnight
Where you filter my dreams into
Have-beens and maybe-nots
And I feel so alone

It makes me shiver upanddown my spine
The lone lines left in the vacant lies 
You abridged me with

It’s the smile of warmweather
Chalking up nuances of gators and florida
And orange...

Continue reading...

Painted were her eyes, 
Somewhat azure and syphilitic, her heart;
And when I got home I realized, 
I'd just fallen in love with a tart(!)...

Continue reading...