Even More Somewhat Twisted Thoughts of the Day

ON THE ROCKS Talk about bad luck, I hit rock bottom and broke a leg One advantage to hitting rock bottom is at least I know which way is up now I hit Rock’s bottom and he promptly kicked my bottom from one end to the other It usually bottoms out when I hit rock bottom WAXING PHILOSOPHIC (YEAH YOU MOPPED, BUT DID YOU WAX?... I THOUGHT NOT!) A tree fell in the forest and a hearing impaired gentleman was nearby so it did NOT make a sound You think, therefore you are and just who do think you are, anyway? What does not kill me only makes me weak in the stomach when I am presented with the hospital bill People who live in bakeries should not throw scones DONCHA’ JUST LOVE IT? Love is blind and keeps bumping into things How do I love thee? Let me count the ways! Um… I loved her to death but got off on a technicality Star-crossed lovers occasionally get crossed up and can get rather cross about it too I SAW ONE THE OTHER DAY I SWEAR TO GOD I DID I made a Snowman that frankly speaking, looked Abominable The Abominable Snowman retired to Florida and melted on the spot Bigfoot treated The Abominable Snowman and family to dinner and footed the entire bill (however, things got pretty hairy when his credit card was refused) Bigfoot often puts his foot in his mouth and he’s got a big mouth too YOU’RE A REAL PAIN IN THE ASS AND STOP ACTING LIKE A HORSE’S ASS, SMART-ASS AND MY ASS CAN WHIP YOUR ASS ANY DAY OF THE WEEK TOO A mule got a species change operation and made a real ass of himself So WHAT if I’ve got it all backwards? (You whole-ass- b_tch-of- a-son!) Secretariat lost his ass in a High-Stakes poker game A horse was unjustly discriminated against because it was a horse of a different color