Best Slaps Poems
Tanka – Sea Slaps Shore
Somber cirrus clouds
gathered in tranquil blue sky
as boisterous sea
attacked melancholy shore,
slapping it with tidal waves.
Leslie Neilson
Straight faced reveals a pun
But what surely made him squirrely
They wouldn't stop calling him Shirley
Leslie Neilson
Armed with wit and naked gun
Genius buffoonery unparalleled
Save for what Peter Seller's Clueso upheld
Leslie Neilson
Dracula loving it as a dead one
Giving Renfield insect currency
And causing Mel brooks an emeRRRgency
Leslie Neilson
A parody on the run
Of spoofery not wrongfully accused
Only keeping us hysterically amused
Hope you know your Leslie Neilson movies for clearance, Clarence.
Roger, Roger.
I had broke with me Lilly
to gain the likes of Ms. Tilly
I nicely asked her out on a date with glee
but she told me to jump in the sea
the winds were fierce and the temp was chilly
the waves tossed and slapped me silly.
I went back to me Lilly
was wrong for leaving
I begged for forgiveness
I was tossed and slapped silly!!!
went back to the sea in desperation
me life was no longer meaningful
I jumped into the waves
it wouldn’t take me out
but again it slapped me silly.
Should I not shut my lips
Over what one rarely naked strips?
The dirty that should first be washed,
Then perfumed, before at them rushed…
All that which for eternity mustn’t be revealed;
My lascivious embraces I had better I left sealed;
The vast battering anxieties
Frowned upon by our penalizing societies?
Man shows it much appetite
With a love drama that mustn’t near the light,
To hopefully Chinese whispers halt.
And screen an eye-bleeding fault
By my overblown fears spurred,
After lucid mind has been blurred:
Advances glimpses of a reputation lost;
That which I had earned t a great cost.
Biblical Cain’s display of it was not peculiar,
It’s facsimile by our fratricidal actors familiar!
For politicians with an approaching election
And past voters just can’t have.
Scandalous yesterdays that should escape detection
And eager enquiries eternally starve…
Oh Yes! Their slaps of their wives helpless cheeks,
Which the press had not pounced on for long weeks
Besides involvement in the extramarital
While in trousers immorally experimental!
By many taken to an absurd length
On as a common a thing as night stroll.
The chosen scenery concealing with strength;
A sureness they would over the other ghostly side roll!
The choice of interviewers for a hot job
And people whose discussed failures a lot rob;
Regular callers of their doctors for a check-up
And crooks who wouldn’t hear “A Game is up”.
More reasonable over classified documents
And businesses that raise monuments;
Any of the private contests, not a tournament
And ventures injured, no liniment;
The time a visit to a bank is certain,
The withdrawn to be calmly counted over drawn curtain.
Secrecy,
I’ve personally promised,’ No Apostasy’.
5:11 a.m.
I woke up an hour ago
Wondering which school I go to today as I have two
One is Monday Friday, the other Tuesday through Thursday
It took me almost forty minutes to remember it is Saturday.
5:18 a.m.
Dog is barely awake, pink tongue lolling about.
Almost falling off the couch, lying upside down
With her paws in the air.
Is she dead? I peer closely, and notice her stomach moving.
5:25 a.m.
Coffee slaps my enzymes awake.
They bat her away, wanting more sleep
I am taking big gulps now.
A day without the stress of traffic?
I am determined to enjoy every last second of it.
I have a gross handicap:
While sleeping retains my cap,
As I read feet in shoes tap
And easily a work “Crap!”
…And spoiled kids’ knuckles rap;
During sermon daring a nap,
Bathsheba survey her lap;
For my trips shun the best map…
Can I crush my handicap?
Enough to energy sap:
Eccentric wings stop their flap
While Handicap fills some gap…
But die could most handicaps:
As easy as rats in traps;
Sure, a cop and his hard slaps
Orders for water to start laps.
There should be clearer signs,
as a relationship starts to break up
- the hiss of steam, a twist of smoke perhaps
or debris distributed across a hot,
cloudless, summer evening sky.
That way, the force of recognition
wouldn’t be so much of a slap.